4/3/4 (anxiety suite)

#105:

haven’t felt right
all morning
woken from dream

***

#106:

something is wrong
with my heart
it aches, it aches

***

#107:

i need to cry
but i’m scared
i’ll never stop

***

#108:

not suicide
but instead
death by neglect

***

#109:

all i dream of
is to once
just be happy

***

#110:

anxiety
renders me
incapable

***

#111:

depressed depressed
depressed de
pressed depressed de

***

#112:

wasted a week
playing no
mans fucking sky

***

#113:

yes i am a
failure
of a human

***

#114:

i have begun
to lose my
whole fucking mind

***

#115:

my self laid bare
competence
is beyond me

***

#116:

i can’t keep my
heart beating
any longer

***

#117:

i cannot bring
myself to
believe you care

***

#118:

yes i could do
anything
if i weren’t me

***

#119:

a tiredness
creeping in
need something new

***

#120:

my teeth all buzz
as if they’re
electrified

***

#121:

imprecision
of language
a failing mind

***

#122:

i cannot write
anything
longer than this

***

#123:

one two three four
five six sev
en eight nine ten

***

#124:

i would blame this
on others
but it’s all me

***

#125:

the crows nested
in my heart
the worms, my mind

***

#126:

i like to sit
by the sea
dream of drowning

***

#127:

a small comfort
in the dream
as if its real

***

#128:

but then i wake
and somehow
its not the same

***

#129:

please forgive me
for my crimes
i’ve repented

***

#130:

i’m just not good
at any
thing at all

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Notes:

1. Written in September and October, 2019
2. Previous collections can be found here: #1; #2; #3; #4

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Notes:

1. Written between November 23, 2008 and November 27th, 2008
2. This was the last longish comic I wrote like this for years
3. At the time
4. And it still feels like an ending
5. To me
6. Somehow
7. And one of the better things I ever wrote

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Tale #34: The Lonely Heart

There was a heart that had known nothing but loneliness, and although it tried its best to survive without the sustenance of love, it slowly withered away until there was almost nothing left.

“Please feed me,” the lonely heart said. “Or else soon I shall be dead, and you will have to go on without me.”

And its owner said, “You have never been anything to me other than an ache and a pain. But if it is food that you want than food you shall have.”

He cooked up a great feast, and laid it all out on a huge table in the dining hall of his house. And he sat down in front of it and ate it all by himself, stuffing great gobbets of food into his mouth with his heavy hands until he felt he might burst.

The lonely heart could feel the food holding it tight, and at first it mistook this warm embrace for the tenderness it had long missed. But as the food was packed in ever tighter, the heart realised this was not tenderness but malice, and it could feel itself being slowly squeezed tighter and tighter by the weight of the food pressing down upon it. Until finally, on the stroke of midnight, the lonely heart suffocated, and was gone.

Still the heart’s owner ate on.

________

Notes:

1. Written July 28th, 2016

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Out there in the silent sky

___________

1. Written November 17th, 2014

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“We would set our own hearts on fire for a mere moment of warmth”

This is a script/storyboard (plus some other bits) for a cartoon that I pitched unsuccessfully to the BFi for their Animation 2018 project (the winners of which are being shown on BBC Four this Sunday, and which should be brilliant).

If it had actually been made, it would have had sets built by Dan Rawlings and sound design by Chriddof, with slightly inept claymation (with wooden heads) animation by me (which was presumably the reason it wasn’t commissioned).

Also the other reason it probably wasn’t commissioned is because it is absolutely the most depressing thing I’ve ever written.

[Some of the models for this were later re-used in They Locked Me In This Room And Told Me To Confess, which was another unsuccessful submission for a thing (the Observer Short Comic Competition thing they run each year). Maybe these poor plasticine abominations are cursed in some way.]

[If you can’t read the words you can click on the image to enlarge it. If you still can’t read the writing, it is because it is illegible to all but me. I am sorry.]