“The most disgusting thing in the world,” Claire said confidently. “Is swimming in the sea and a great big jellyfish comes along and it goes over your head like a plastic bag!”
“The most disgusting thing in the world,” Tina said. “Is having your eyeballs pulled out and turned round and pushed back in again so you can see your own brain!”
“The most disgusting thing in the world,” Ethel said. “Is waking up and finding maggots in your bed and you’ve been sleeping in your bed all night and you’re a maggot too and you’re made of maggots and you don’t even know you are a maggot you just think you’re normal but you’re not you’re a maggot!”
The most disgusting thing in the world,” Daniel said. “Is bananas.”
“‘Are’ bananas,” Ethel told her brother.
“Or ‘is’ banana,” suggested Claire.
“Is ‘a’ banana,” Tina said.
“Anyway,” said Claire, looking at both Tina and Daniel with a glare so intense it knocked over the ketchup. “Bananas aren’t disgusting at all.”
“They are,” Daniel said with a shudder, as he thought about bananas for a second too long. “They’re horrible.”
“They can’t be that disgusting,” Ethel said. “Mum eats bananas sandwiches.”
“I eat banana sandwiches,” Claire said.
“They’re still disgusting,” said Daniel. “They make me feel sick.”
“They don’t make me feel sick,” Claire said. “And even if they did, they wouldn’t be disgusting as sick!”
“Or sick with maggots in it!”
“What about a banana with maggots in it?” Daniel asked. “And the maggots are being sick in the banana?”
“And the banana’s in a sandwich!”
“And mum’s eating the sandwich!”
“And I’m eating the sandwich!”
“And then someone shoves the sandwich right through your eye and into your brain!”
“And then your brain EXPLODES!”
“And then some pigeons come along and start eating your brains!”
“And then the pigeons explode!”
“And then we have to eat the pigeons!”
“And then we explode!”
“And then we have to eat ourselves!”
“And then we explode AGAIN!”
1. Written between the 1st and the 4th of May, 2021__________patreon. Subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real. Thank you.