blood

There was blood in the garden
thick across the stepping stones
and paving slabs
echoes of a fight here last night
or the aftermath of one elsewhere

between
what?
cats
and foxes
cats
and birds
cats
and cats

or a hedgehog perhaps
dragged out of the dead leaves
beneath the bamboo
carved open
by tooth
and claw
and carried away
from this fenced-in prison
to someone else’s lair

__________

Notes:

1. Written on September 15th, 2017

__________

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The Thing Upon The Wall

There was a thing on the wall, twitching, clicking. One tick every second, a chime upon the hour. In this way it consumed my life.

I begged it to stop, but it would not stop.

___________

Notes:

  1. Written on December 13th, 2018
  2. This isn’t very good
  3. For which I’m sorry
  4. But I’m trying to work out how to use wordpress’s terrible new post editor
  5. Things I have discovered are that you can’t write a list like this without it autoconverting it to an indented list
  6. Even though I don’t want it indented
  7. At all
  8. God help us all from helpful algorithms

__________

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Pumpkin

There was a pumpkin on my doorstep, smiling at me.

I don’t know what it was doing there, or why it was smiling.

Perhaps it had just killed something

or was at least thinking about killing something.

Perhaps it was thinking about killing me.

But I’m 6 foot 2 and presumably beyond its powers

So I wasn’t especially worried about that

I thought about asking it what it was doing there and/or why it was smiling

but in the end I didn’t

just in case it replied.

I leant over it and unlocked the door and sidled past it, trying to prevent it from getting in, but it slipped nimbly between my legs and disappeared inside.

Now there’s a pumpkin in my house and I don’t know where.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on the 30th of October, 2018__________

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The Elixir Of The Gods

Elrond told Sam to get in the barrel.

“But its full of piss, Sir Elrond.”

“IT IS THE ELIXIR OF THE GODS.”

Sam looked terrified by the shouting elf, and apprehensively climbed into the barrel. The elixir of the gods soaked through Sam’s rubbish hobbit clothes. It was horribly warm. Suddenly Gandalf popped up from behind the barrel, and dunked Sam’s head under. Gandalf and Elrond started to laugh.

“Hobbits really are amazing creatures,” chuckled Gandalf. “You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years you can dunk them in a barrel of piss and you will laugh and luagh and laugh.”

Sam started to cry. “Oh, Sam” Frodo said indulgently, laughing. Boromir looked on from the doorway, scowling. Gimli started to sing about gold.

___________

Notes:

1. Written on February 9th, 2009__________

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