An earlier world

There was a time
there is always a time
when you were happy

And you see it clearer
brighter
louder
with every passing day
that drifts
clean
away

It takes on the form
the mythic scope
of a utopia

And you would give anything
to get back there
to get back
to a life
that life
that vibrant fucking life

But you can’t go back there
because it never existed
and when you were there
it was another
earlier
world
that you wanted

___________

Notes:

1. Written on September 27th, 2018
2. This is the original version of this
3. Which I’ve decided I like better now
4. A week or so later

__________

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An earlier world

There was a time – there is always a time – when you were happy. You can see it now. And you see it clearer with every passing day, this moment, this time, this place, while everything around you now that drifts away. It takes on the form, the mythic scope, of a utopia.

You would give anything to get back there, to get back to a life, that life, that vibrant fucking life you had.

But you can’t go back there

because it never existed.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on September 27th, 2018

__________

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Thank you!


Cobweb

In the corner of my room, there’s this cobweb that’s been there for years. I’ve never seen a spider there, but the web seems to grow thicker and stronger over time.

Occasionally I’ll see a fly caught by it, unable to escape. Is it worse to die pointlessly like this, in a dead, abandoned trap? Or is it just as terrible the other way too, just as pointless and upsetting and unjust to die in an active web?

Should I die alone, or somewhere the worms can find me

___________

Notes:

1. Written September 5th, 2018

__________

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The Interview

“Thank you for coming in to see us today.”

“No, it’s my pleasure. Thank you for taking the time to interview me.”

“Of course, of course. Have a seat, Mr… Guy, is it?”

“Yes, thank you. And just call me David.”

“Well, okay then, David. So, you’d like this job, then?”

“Yes, it’s-”

“Well you can’t have it. Goodbye.”

“But-”

“Goodbye.”

INTERVIEW ENDS

__________

Notes:

1. Written on December 11th, 2016
2. A recollection of events occurring repeatedly between 2005 and 2018 and presumably beyond

__________

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Thank you!


The Woman Who Was Sometimes On Her Own In Public

There was a woman who would sometimes find herself alone in public. On one such occasion, she found herself in a pub, drinking a pint of beer and reading a book. It was quite a good book, and it was a pretty nice beer. Even the pub wasn’t too bad.

“Look at her,” one of the arseholes on the next table said. “What the fuck’s she doing?”

“She’s reading a book?”

“In the pub!”

“On her own!”

Shrieks of laughter, incredulous, a hint of disgust.

“Why would you do that?”

“You think you’d do it at home.”

“Hey! HEY! What are you reading?”

More laughter.

“Is it gooood?”

She looked up, just a quick glance, then back down to the page. But it was too much. It had been seen.

“Let’s have a look then, love. Let’s have a read.”

Out of his chair and in her face, snatching the book from her hands, “Let’s see what’s so bloody good about your fucking book then.”

And then he began to read, right there, in the pub. She could follow his progress by watching the movement of his lips.

the woman who was sometimes on her own in public there was a woman who would sometimes find herself alone in public on one such occasion she found herself in a pub drinking a pint of beer and reading a book it was quite a good book and it was a pretty nice beer even the pub wasnt too bad look at her one of the arseholes on the next table said what the fucks she doing shes reading a book in the pub on her own shrieks of laughter incredulous a hint of disgust why would you do that you think youd do it at home hey hey what are you reading more laughter is it gooood she looked up just a quick glance then back down to the page but it was too much it had been seen lets have a look then love lets have a read out of his chair and in her face snatching the book from her hands lets see whats so bloody good about your fucking book then and then he began to read right there in the pub she could follow his progress by watching the movement of his lips i dont get it he said whats it about i dont know i havent finished it yet are you taking the piss is this taking the piss he waved the book in front of her face before throwing it contemptuously back onto the table i dont get it was it about me was that me he shook his head and wandered back down to his table sat back down in his chair dyou read her book then what was it about i think have you ever have you ever thought about what were doing what were saying what why we do what we do are you okay mate why do we do what we do its just a bit of banter mate a bit of a laugh are you sure youre okay yeah its just that book she was reading i think it might have been about us you know like fucking us and that the dirty cow nah about how we act about how awful we look to her i knew she was a fucking dyke he laughed no wonder shes on her fucking own they both laughed anyway its your round mate hurry up when they started throwing peanuts at her a few minutes later she decided to leave

“I don’t get it,” he said. “What’s it about?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t finished it yet.”

“Are you taking the piss? Is this taking the piss?” He waved the book in front of her face, before throwing it contemptuously back onto the table. “I don’t get it… Was it about me? Was that me?”

He shook his head and wandered back down to his table, sat back down in his chair.

“D’you read her book then? What was it about?”

“I think… Have you ever… have you ever thought about what we’re doing? What we’re saying?”

“What?”

“Why we do what we do?”

“Are you okay mate?

“Why do we do what we do?”

“It’s just a bit of banter mate. A bit of a laugh. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just that book she was reading. I think it might have been about us, you know?”

“Like, fucking us and that? The dirty cow.”

“Nah, about how we act. About how awful we look to her.”

“I knew she was a fucking dyke!” He laughed. “No wonder she’s on her fucking own!” They both laughed. “Anyway it’s your round, mate. Hurry up.”

When they started throwing peanuts at her a few minutes later she decided to leave.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on June 17th, 2014
2. An amalgamation of events
3. That occurred
4. For me
5. And for others
6. At various times
7. That week
8. And every other week, no doubt
9. Before
10. And since
11. While we were on our own
12. Somewhere
13. In public
14. Trying
15. To exist

__________

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!