Tale #35: The Lonely Man’s Tale

I was, O Lord, deep in thought in the garden of my house one afternoon when I was awakened from my slumber by a calling from above.

A cat sat in the cherry tree and it said down to me, “You look all alone. Would you give me some dinner in exchange for an afternoon of my company?”

And of course I said yes and the cat leapt down from the tree and settled on my lap. And she purred as I stroked her and the afternoon passed in contentment for the both of us.

As the sun began to set the cat leapt from my lap and went through the back door and into my house. Inside, I found in my kitchen not the cat but an anteater. It was a huge beast, and with its long snout it snuffled through my cupboards and opened up my jars of sugars and sweets, and with its long tongue it licked out the food within until the jars were spotless and clean.

Once it had finished eating the anteater turned to me and said, “You look all alone. Would you give me somewhere to sleep for the night in exchange for an evening of my company?”

And of course I said yes and the anteater sat at the kitchen table and together we played cards for the rest of the evening. And time passed pleasantly for the both of us.

As the clock chimed midnight, the anteater played her last hand and said goodnight and got down off the chair and went into my bedroom.

Inside my room, I found not an anteater but a woman lying in my bed. And she looked up at me and said, “You look all alone. What would you give for a night of my company?”

I said, “All that I own,” and she pulled back the covers and invited me in.

The next day, O Lord, I was alone again. And I was deep in thought in the park of our town when I was awakened from my slumber by a calling from above.

A crow sat in the peach tree and said to me, “I watched you all day, and I watched you all night. If you would give up everything you have for a dream of a woman, what would you give to truly end your loneliness once and for all?”

And I said to the bird, “I may have given her all that I own, but not all that I have, for I still have my heart. And to truly end my loneliness, it would not be enough to give it away. It would have to be taken.”

The crow listened to what I said. She hopped down from her perch and opened my shirt with a swish of her wings and with her beak she cut open my chest and tore away a tiny sliver of flesh from the corner of my heart. Then she took wing and flew high up into the sky.

And, O My Lord, I followed.

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Notes:

1. Written May 27th, 2016

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“We would set our own hearts on fire for a mere moment of warmth”

This is a script/storyboard (plus some other bits) for a cartoon that I pitched unsuccessfully to the BFi for their Animation 2018 project (the winners of which are being shown on BBC Four this Sunday, and which should be brilliant).

If it had actually been made, it would have had sets built by Dan Rawlings and sound design by Chriddof, with slightly inept claymation (with wooden heads) animation by me (which was presumably the reason it wasn’t commissioned).

Also the other reason it probably wasn’t commissioned is because it is absolutely the most depressing thing I’ve ever written.

[Some of the models for this were later re-used in They Locked Me In This Room And Told Me To Confess, which was another unsuccessful submission for a thing (the Observer Short Comic Competition thing they run each year). Maybe these poor plasticine abominations are cursed in some way.]

[If you can’t read the words you can click on the image to enlarge it. If you still can’t read the writing, it is because it is illegible to all but me. I am sorry.]

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Notes:

1. Written in February and March, 2018

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Tale #14: The Jealous Lord

There was a lord who fell in love with a married woman. The lord put out her husband’s eyes, for surely she would not love a man who could not see her beauty, but still love him she did. The lord then cut off her husband’s ears, for surely she would not love a man who did not listen to her, but still love him she did. The lord then cut off her husband’s tongue, for she surely would not love a man who would not tell her he loved her, but still love him she did.

Finally the lord cut out her husband’s heart, for surely she would not love a man who was dead. But still love him she did, now more than ever.

And the lord never did win her love.

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Notes:

1. Written on July 13th, 2013

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Evacuation: Mars

Evacuation: Mars is the last part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars


























































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Evacuation: Mars is the last part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars

The complete Destination: Mars collection (containing all four parts) is available to buy as an ebook on iTunes and Amazon for £4.99.

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Notes:

1. Written in January 2018
2. This is the final part
3. And the longest
4. And the one with the most cats
5. Also I’m sorry about all the smudges
6. And the spelling mistakes
7. And the crossed out bits
8. And everything else that went wrong over these four chapters
9. Which I never corrected
10. Especially that page where a hair got in the scanner

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Contamination: Mars

Contamination: Mars is the third part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars










































___________

Contamination: Mars is the third part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars

The complete Destination: Mars collection (containing all four parts) is available to buy as an ebook on iTunes and Amazon for £4.99.

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Notes:

1. Written in November 2017
2. This is the third part of four
3. There’s only one more

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If you like what you've read here please consider subscribing to our patreon. Cheers.