Crack

There were a load of cracks all over the field behind our house. They weren’t there yesterday. They were only there today.

The biggest one of them was so deep you could put your arm down it and never reach the end. This worked whether you had a short arm, like me, or a long arm, like my dad, or a leg, like my mum, who refused to lie down, like we were doing, and just sat on the side and dangled a leg down there instead.

“What are they, though?” I said.

“Mouths,” said my dad.

“Mouths?” I said, uncertainly.

“Yep, mouths,” said my dad. I could see my mother shaking her head and putting a finger to her lips but he carried on regardless. “It’s been so dry all summer that the ground needs to get water from somewhere. So it’s opened up some of its mouths in the hope of gulping down a child or two.”

“A child?” I whimpered.

“Children are full of water,” my dad said, and laughed and made to push me down the hole but he didn’t push me down the hole.

I jumped to my feet and thought of mouths and began to cry and my mother said, “Christ!” but not at me at my dad. My dad just shrugged his shoulders somehow even though he was lying on the floor and then rolled over onto his back and looked up at the sky.

“He needs to grow up,” he said, bitterly.

“You need to grow up,” said my mum to my dad, while hugging me and assuring me everything was okay, everything was all right, they weren’t really mouths, they weren’t going to eat me at all. And she made it all better and I stopped crying and I really love my mum I do.

A little while later we went off to the shop to get some ice creams, and when we got back my dad was asleep on the blanket. My mum smiled at me and put a finger to her lips and then exaggeratedly sneaked over to my dad and rolled him up in the blanket and pushed him down into the crack.

You’d never believe how much water there is inside a person, how thick and dark and endless it all is.

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Notes:

1. Written on August 3rd, 2018

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Boat

The boat cost five pounds, for an hour. Oars cost £1 (per pair), or you could hire a pole for 50p. Engines were not available.

At the end of the hour, if unreturned to the point of hire, the boat sank to the bottom of the lake and scuttled back home, using the oars and the poles like crab’s legs.

The passengers bobbed up and down in their life jackets, awaiting rescue, recriminations rippling through the group like involuntary shivers.

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Notes:

1. Written on 1st August, 2018

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Hot

“Hot, isn’t it,” said the man.
“Yes, it is,” said the woman.

The conversation was repeated for many days.

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Notes:

1. Written on August 1st, 2018

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China

China Mieville, having been evicted from his flat, walked for a while, picked a house at random, and moved in.

He emerged in the moments when the inhabitants of the house were asleep or absent, and when they were up and about he slept in the roof space above the porch like a bat.

The family that lived there only discovered his existence because they had had an internet security webcam system installed, which used motion sensors to take pictures of burglars if they were broken in to, and they usually only switched it on when they were at work or on holiday. One night they forgot to turn it off, and in the morning the system emailed them some photos of China Mieville in the kitchen, eating weetabix straight from the packet, entirely dry.

It took them a few weeks to find where he slept. When they finally confronted him and asked him what he was doing in their house, he began to recite a history of socialism that went on for several days.

“That doesn’t answer our question,” said the mother.

“That [socialism] doesn’t answer anything,” thought the father, and he decided there and then to vote conservative at the next election.

He had actually voted conservative at every election since 1997, but fabricated himself a new excuse each time. You couldn’t call him a conservative, he would say, internally, to himself, just because he voted conservative. He wasn’t an arsehole. He was just worried about the economy.

When people asked him who he voted for he used to say the lib dems, but since 2010 he’d tell them that he wasn’t really political and hadn’t had time to vote.

The son neither said nor thought anything. He didn’t even know who China Mieville was. He didn’t even even care.

China Mieville, having been evicted from his roof space, walked for a while, picked a house at random, and moved in.

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Notes:

1. Written on July 23rd, 2018
2. I woke up at about 4 am and wrote this
3. I am not sure why

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Three pretty poor poems

Yoghurt

I bought a posher yoghurt than usual
because it was on offer
and therefore cheaper
than the yoghurts
that aren’t as posh
that I usually buy

It was one of those
where the yoghurt is on top
and the fruit beneath
unmixed
in a geological layer
at the bottom of the tub

When I got round to eating it
I ate from the top
down
forgetting to mix it up
or whatever it is
you’re supposed to do

So at the bottom
I was left with
a centimetre or so
of thin blueberry jam
which wasn’t very nice
when eaten on its own

__________

Knee

My knee aches
occasionally
and I dream of it snapping
suddenly
when I’m out for a walk
or climbing up the stairs
in the bookshop

and the spectacle I’d make
screaming in the park
or tumbling backwards
onto a table
piled high
with paperbacks
that I’ve no interest
in reading

__________

The last page of the notebooks I keep in my pocket wherever I go

This last page is usually filled
with the names of books
that I’ve seen round the shops
and thought that look interesting
that I can’t afford to buy

But it’s empty this time
because I’ve not been to the shops
since before this notebook began

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Notes:

1. I wrote these on July 21st, 2018
2. I had just been reading a book by Tim Key
3. And was overcome by the urge to poem
4. Or whatever the term is
5. Unfortunately the results were a bit of a disappointment
6. Also there was a fourth poem
7. It was called Piss
8. And went:

Piss
That’s what I said
Because
That’s what I thought
Piss

9. But it was too poor to include here
10. So I left it in the notebook

__________

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