Shopping List Haiku Generator

The Shopping List Haiku Generator (also available here) generates haiku from random mundane everyday things. I hope that’s enough.

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Notes:

1. Made on September 6th, 7th and 8th, 2023
2. Using twine, as always

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Anti Story

I saw the most amazing thing. No, I will not tell you what it was.

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Notes:

1. Written on May 5th, 2022

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If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


I Was A Witch Once

I was a witch once. I used to help out in the summer, when the tourists were here, and the covens couldn’t cope with demand. I did luck spells mostly, lucky in love, lucky in spite, lucky in fruit machines, that sort of thing.

I don’t do it anymore. The covens have all closed down now. Everything’s online these days. Some old witch out there in her hut on the marsh can’t cope with some streamlined Russian wish farm or whatever. Now it’s all spells delivered by email spam, targeted facebook ads, unsolicited twitter DMs. No need anymore to slip something in someone’s tea. You can reach anyone.

It’s not the same, of course. But then again what is?

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Notes

1. Written on September 2nd, 2021
2. Although the title and half the first paragraph was written August 13th, 2021

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If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Tale #146: Four Tiny Tales

The King And The Peasant

The King said to himself, “To serve my people justly I must know life as they do.” To this end he took off his crown and his fine robes and dressed himself in rags and went out into the streets of his kingdom.

There he met a peasant, who said, “Why, O King, do you dress as a peasant?” The King said, “Why, O Peasant, do you dress as a king?” This baffled the peasant to such an extent that he ran away, fearing the King may be mad.

The King himself went back to his castle, put back on his crown, and pretended he had not left the hall all day. Things continued thereafter as before.

The King And The King Who Looked Exactly Alike

There were two kings who looked exactly alike. The people of both kingdoms said it was a miracle, but in fact it was merely the result of centuries of inbreeding between the ruling families of the region.

Soon after, they were swept away into the sea by a storm of rebellion caused by their own failures, and nothing of value was lost.

The Queen That Couldn’t Be Bothered

There was a Queen who simply could not be bothered. She stayed in bed mostly, and sometimes walked around the garden, but beyond that she had no interest in affairs. She once saw a cat and stroked it for a while, telling it of the wondrous things she had seen in her dreams, but otherwise she spoke to no-one.

She died at the age of 107 and was mourned briefly by all.

The Tide

The tide that goes out will come in again. The tide that comes in will go out soon enough.

A great poet made mention of this to the king. The King, being ill-equipped to understand metaphor, asked what the hell that had to do with his rule or his kingdom, and the poet was soon after removed from the hall.

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Notes:

1. These were written on July 30th, 2014
2. And have never been used before
3. Primarily because they’re completely pointless
4. Please don’t hate me

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If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


2020

2020 doesn’t look quite right
as a date
but i don’t really know why

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Notes

1. Written on January 5th, 2020

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!