Trick Or Treat

I’d never been trick or treating before. It wasn’t really a thing when we were kids. Instead of trick or treating you’d just run around in the dark throwing eggs and flour at each other over the park until the park keeper chased you away.

There was nothing more frightening and exhilarating when you were 14 than the beam of the park keeper’s torch sweeping through the trees and all of us scattering away into the night.

So this year, as my 40th birthday treat, we decided to go trick or treating. Proper trick or treating, with costumes and little buckets for the sweets and everything.

The most terrifying thing I could think of was being a teenager again so I was dressed up as myself from 1992: long greasy hair, a ned’s atomic dustbin t-shirt, an awkward straight limbed stance, a neck dotted with shaving cuts, several thousand suicidal thoughts per second.

My sister was dressed up as some sort of cat, and my mother was dressed up as the log lady from twin peaks.

The log lady isn’t frightening, I said to my mother. She said “Well, you can’t hear what the log’s saying.”

“I suppose,” I said, and shrugged in non-agreement agreement.

Cats aren’t frightening, I said to my sister. She scratched at my eyes and bit my throat out and then dragged me back to the house and left me on the doorstep for my father to find.

I didn’t really have an answer for that.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on September 9th, 2018

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like what you've read here please consider subscribing to our patreon. Cheers.

Tale #12: The Old Woman Who Lived In The Woods

There was an old woman who lived in the woods.

“Are you a witch?” asked the crow.

“I am, my dear,” she said, and the crow cawed and shared with her its breakfast.

“Are you a witch?” asked the cat.

“I am, my dear,” she said, and the cat purred and shared with her its lunch.

“Are you a witch?’ asked the priest.

“I am, my dear,” she said, and the priest fell silent and kept for himself his dinner.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on August 9th, 2014

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like what you've read here please consider subscribing to our patreon. Cheers.

Oil

The oil soaked into the carpet in an ever-widening circle of shame around us both as we copulated on the living room floor.

When we reached our climactic finish, our cries caused the cat to jump down in fright from the settee and run obliviously through the mess and out through the half-opened door, leaving a trail of black footprints behind him as he ran into the hall and up the stairs.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” I said, looking at the mess. “I’m getting old, these days. It’s my knees. If I don’t lubricate them they seize up. But then when I do, I leak.”

“Urgh,” said the scarecrow. “You could have warned me. I’m flammable enough as it is.”

He felt his back and grimaced in disgust at the feel of himself. He rubbed his fingers together in front of my face, my thick black fluid oozing down them towards the grubby palms of his hands.

“How the hell am I going to get all this out? It’s disgusting. Christ, I can feel it soaking through me, soaking into my heart.”

He emphasised that last word and gave me a withering look while he waited for me to respond to his cutting jibe.

The wind suddenly gusted through the open window and the curtains billowed extravagantly. The daylight cast a tawdry brightness across the room, which left both of us deflated.

On the other side of the window, I caught a glimpse of a face peering in, emotionless, wizened, more like a mask than living flesh.

“Please, carry on,” he said, when he noticed me staring. “Don’t mind me.”

But by now the scarecrow had already left, and I was too self-conscious to continue on my own.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on August 7th, 2018

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like what you've read here please consider subscribing to our patreon. Cheers.

Evacuation: Mars

Evacuation: Mars is the last part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars


























































__________

Evacuation: Mars is the last part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars

The complete Destination: Mars collection (containing all four parts) is available to buy as an ebook on iTunes and Amazon for £4.99.

___________

Notes:

1. Written in January 2018
2. This is the final part
3. And the longest
4. And the one with the most cats
5. Also I’m sorry about all the smudges
6. And the spelling mistakes
7. And the crossed out bits
8. And everything else that went wrong over these four chapters
9. Which I never corrected
10. Especially that page where a hair got in the scanner

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like what you've read here please consider subscribing to our patreon. Cheers.

Location: Mars

Location: Mars is the second part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars

































__________

Location: Mars is the second part of a series of four.

Part 1 – Destination: Mars
Part 2 – Location: Mars
Part 3 – Contamination: Mars
Part 4 – Evacuation: Mars

The complete Destination: Mars collection (containing all four parts) is available to buy as an ebook on iTunes and Amazon for £4.99.

__________

Notes:

1. Written in September 2017
2. The second part of four
3. As it clearly says above
4. A couple of times

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like what you've read here please consider subscribing to our patreon. Cheers.