Tales From The Town #163: An Amazing Aggregation Of Articulate Assessment

“Accessary,” Tina said.

“Ooh, let me think,” Daniel said, tapping his chin with his finger as he thought very carefully about his answer. “9.”

Ethel scribbled something down on the book her and Tina were reading and nodded in agreement.

“Accumulation,” Tina said.

“Hmmm,” said Daniel. “8.”

“WRONG!” Claire shouted from across the room. “The actual answer is 13!”

“What actual answer?” Ethel said. “You don’t even know what we’re doing!”

“I do!” Claire said, throwing her hairbrush on the floor and then running over so she could loom authoritatively over the others. “You’re playing “how many letters does this word have“. And the answer is that accumulation has 13. A. C. C. U. M. M. U. L. A. T. I. O. N.”

She counted the letters off with her fingers and then finally also Daniel’s fingers.

“We’re not playing that,” said Daniel, taking his fingers back under his own control again.

“We’ve never even heard of that,” said Ethel.

“And if we were playing that, the answer would be 12,” said Tina. “Accumulation only has one M.”

She showed Claire the relevant article in the dictionary as proof.

“Not when I spell it it doesn’t,” said Claire. “And anyway, that’s still closer than Daniel’s answer. So I still won.”

“But we aren’t playing that,” Tina said again. “So no one won.”

“We aren’t playing anything,” Daniel said. “We’re reviewing. And I gave “accumulation” 8 marks out of 10!”

“You’re reviewing… words?” Claire said.

“Yep!” Daniel said. “Straight from the dictionary!”

“But… ” Claire said. “But… WHY?!”

“Daniel’s looking for a new favourite word,” said Tina.

“He’s totally over abyss,” said Ethel.

“I never want to see an abyss ever again!” said Daniel. “Or smell one.”

“Well how about boring, then?” Claire said. “Or stupid? Cause that’s what this game is!”

“We’re still on A,” Tina explained.

“So those words are (2) absolutely (7) anti (6) appropriate (5)!” Daniel said, holding up the requisite number of fingers as he said each A word.

“Anti is not a word,” Claire said. “It’s a bit of a word.”

“You’re a bit of a word,” said Ethel.

“Yeah, well you’re not even a word at all,” said Claire. “You’re just air!”

“That’s only a 2,” said Daniel.

“If we were playing by my rules it’d be a 3,” said Claire.

“But we’re not playing by your rules,” Tina said.

“Because your rules are annoying,” Ethel said, holding up 6 fingers.

“At least then the answers would mean something,” Claire said. “Instead of being Daniel’s opinion.”

“What’s wrong with Daniel’s opinions?” Tina asked.

“Everything,” Claire said. “And we all know it.”

“Only because we’ve made a list,” Ethel said, pointing to the annotations they’d made in the dictionary. “Otherwise we wouldn’t know what Daniel thinks about… acciaccatura!”

“10!” Daniel said, with alarming alacrity.

“You don’t even know what that word means,” Claire said. “What’s the point of rating a word on how it sounds?”

“It’s really fun to say!” said Daniel. “Acciaccatura! See?”

“You don’t know what it means AND you don’t know how to say it,” Claire said, even though she didn’t know how to say it either. But it definitely wasn’t how Daniel said it, she knew that much.

“Also, ‘an acciaccatura is a very short appoggiatura’,” Ethel read out loud. “So now we all know what it means.”

“11!” Daniel announced with astonished adoration. “I wish I was an appoggiatura!”

“You probably are,” Claire said (apoplectically). “You probably all are!

“Claire, you can’t just end every conversation we have by shouting at us,” Tina said.

“I can,” Claire said. “And I will.” She stood up on tiptoes so she could see over the top of the dictionary and then tried to read it upside down. “Accordionly! So THERE!”

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Notes:

1. Written on May 21, 2024

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Vexigram (baroque word epiphany)

Vexigram is a baroque word epiphany service. Receive a single unique imaginary word, personally invented by our resident wordsmith and delivered to you anywhere in the world, for as little (or as much) as £3 a word.

Order A Vexigram Today

A single word on a piece of card, delivered direct to you, anywhere in the world. What will your word mean? It will mean nothing. Nothing at all. But it will be yours, and yours alone.

Each Vexigram will be a singular term, chosen furtively from the shallow depths of the imagination, written relatively neatly in ink on card, and sent out to you via the intricate mesh of postal services across the world.

Intended simply to perplex and confound the recipient via the absence of meaning, Vexigrams are a gift that remind us all, even if only fleetingly, of the limits of language. Every Vexigram shall be as exasperating to say as it is to hear, see, read, or use.

Vexigram – something that resembles a word but contains no meaningful idea or any possible use, especially those which do so in a particularly irritating way

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Notes:

1. Vexigram was created on May 6th, 2022
2. Vexigram has nothing to do with Lexigram at all and any suggestion to the contrary shall be denied
3. If you would like more information about Vexigram, please see this FAQ for answers.

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(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Lexigram

Lexigram is a bespoke word delivery service. Receive a single unique handwritten word, personally chosen by our resident wordsmith and delivered to you anywhere in the world, for as little (or as much) as £3 a word.

Order A Lexigram Today

A single word on a piece of card, delivered direct to you, anywhere in the world. What will your word be? It’s a mystery.

Each Lexigram will be a singular term, chosen secretively from the full breadth and depth of the English language, written relatively neatly in ink on card, and sent out to you via the intricate mesh of postal services across the world.

Intended simply to surprise and delight the recipient via the beauty of words, Lexigrams are a gift that remind us all, even if only fleetingly, of the pleasures of language. Every Lexigram shall be as beautiful to say as it is to hear, see, read, and use.

Autumnal
Lexigram #2: Autumnal

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Notes:

1. Lexigram was conceived, created, and finally initiated in April 2022
2. If you have further questions about Lexigrams please see here
3. As it is possible they have already been answered.
4. And if you’d like to purchase a Lexigram, please go here.
5. And buy as many as you wish.

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Thank you!


Avoidance Procedures (places in space #60)

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Notes:

1. Written on September 5th, 2020
2. And also the end of Places In Space
3. (volume 2)

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Thank you!


Decoherence

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Notes:

1. Written on 18th December, 2020
2. And then pieced together in a very inefficient style on the 19th to the 21st of December
3. Which was probably more than it was worth
4. And certainly more than was needed

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!