Upon waking
we wonder
is this the dream
Yet in our dreams
never do
we even sleep
__________
Notes:
1. Written on November 3rd, 2020
__________4/3/4
self doubt
i often feel
like i don’t
exist at all
__________
Notes:
1. Written on September 18th, 2020
__________Support An Accumulation Of Things
If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi. Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). Thank you!4/3/4 (anxiety suite)
#105:
haven’t felt right
all morning
woken from dream
***
#106:
something is wrong
with my heart
it aches, it aches
***
#107:
i need to cry
but i’m scared
i’ll never stop
***
#108:
not suicide
but instead
death by neglect
***
#109:
all i dream of
is to once
just be happy
***
#110:
anxiety
renders me
incapable
***
#111:
depressed depressed
depressed de
pressed depressed de
***
#112:
wasted a week
playing no
mans fucking sky
***
#113:
yes i am a
failure
of a human
***
#114:
i have begun
to lose my
whole fucking mind
***
#115:
my self laid bare
competence
is beyond me
***
#116:
i can’t keep my
heart beating
any longer
***
#117:
i cannot bring
myself to
believe you care
***
#118:
yes i could do
anything
if i weren’t me
***
#119:
a tiredness
creeping in
need something new
***
#120:
my teeth all buzz
as if they’re
electrified
***
#121:
imprecision
of language
a failing mind
***
#122:
i cannot write
anything
longer than this
***
#123:
one two three four
five six sev
en eight nine ten
***
#124:
i would blame this
on others
but it’s all me
***
#125:
the crows nested
in my heart
the worms, my mind
***
#126:
i like to sit
by the sea
dream of drowning
***
#127:
a small comfort
in the dream
as if its real
***
#128:
but then i wake
and somehow
its not the same
***
#129:
please forgive me
for my crimes
i’ve repented
***
#130:
i’m just not good
at any
thing at all
__________
Notes:
1. Written in September and October, 2019
2. Previous collections can be found here: #1; #2; #3; #4
Support An Accumulation Of Things
If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi. Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). Thank you!4/3/4 (#4)
yet another
collection
of these poems
that aren’t really
poems at
all, now, are they
***
#79: spite, obduracy
the whole point of
this is that
it annoys you
***
#80: a failure of words
there is not a
clear way to
say this at all
***
#81: on pens #1
i don’t like this
pen but its
all i have left
***
#82: on pens #2
ink doesn’t flow
correctly
across the page
***
#83: on pens #3
scratching away
the paper
each word a scar
***
#84: on pens #4
left the lid off
ink’s gone dry
pen thrown in bin
***
#85: sufficiently advanced self-awareness is indistinguishable from self-pity
i do not like
who i am
even slightly
***
#86: on waking #3
my brain has shrunk
like a voles
in midwinter
***
#87: lost in a dream (variation #1)
lost in a dream
of a life
hazy, drifting
***
#88: lost in a dream (variation #2)
lost in a dream
of my own
constant failings
***
#89: lost in a dream (variation #3)
lost in a dream
of a world
unrecognised
***
#90: bird poem #1
seven egrets
in a row
still as statues
***
#91: bird poem #2
a thousand ducks
braced against
the winter wind
***
#92: bird poem #3
crow flying off
holding an
egg in its beak
***
#93: bird poem #4
the cormorant
dives below
gulls hover above
***
#94: bird poem #5
a swan’s feather
floating past
caught in the wind
***
#95: the coming end of the bird poem cycle
cat sauntering
across road
over the fence
***
#96: happiness
road black with rain
heavy boots
joy of puddles
***
#97:
the puddle fits
perfectly
in its own hole
***
#98: despair #1
made the mistake
of reading
twitter today
***
#99: despair #2
some people seem
to really
want civil war
***
#100: waiting for the doors #1
phone-lit faces
punctuate
the snaking queue
***
#101: waiting for the doors #2
cigarette smoke
matching breath
bring your own fog
***
#102: the end of the process
this little box
is full now
of written words
***
#103: a lifetime of regrets
so many words
i shouldn’t
ever have said
***
#104:
a perfect world
as silent
and still as snow
___________
Notes:
1. Written in September and October 2019
2. The three previous collections of 4/3/4 poems can be found here, here and here
3. Bird poem #3 was actually based on a misidentification
4. And it was a walnut in the crow’s beak
5. rather than an egg
6. I disocvered this yesterday, when a crow dropped a walnut on the road in front of me
7. from it’s perch on the roof of the house
8. trying to crack it
9. but failing.
10. But then I noticed that the whole road was littered with walnut shell shrapnel
11. pleasing proof of their eventual success
Support An Accumulation Of Things
If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi. Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). Thank you!4/3/4 (#3)
following on
from the first
and the second
here are some
4/3/4s
they will not stop
***
#53: sunset, full moon
towards the sun
then turn, turn,
towards the moon
***
#54: dead animals by the side of the road (in order)
squirrel, fox, fox
(couldn’t tell)
crow, pheasant, fox
***
#55: half glimpsed scene from car window #1
cows in long grass
motionless
below the bridge
***
#56: half glimpsed scene from car window #2
smell of burnt leaves
canal boat
scene out of time
***
#57: autumn poem #1
the foliage
yellowing
browning, falling
***
#58: autumn poem #2
the trees have gone
all yellow
conkers fallen
***
#59: autumn poem #3
the noise of rain
without end
on plastic roofs
***
#60: autumn poem #4
i like the word
autumnal
it’s nice to say
***
#61: autumn poem #5
park in autumn
much nicer
than in summer
***
#62: winter poem #1
park in winter
best of all
ice underfoot
***
#63: note from niece (pushed under toilet door)
“david which film
snowhite or
littel mermade”
***
#64: trip planning, with smart phone
everyone checks
the weather
and then stays home
***
#65: slight phobia admission #1
i get so scared
(who knows why)
by centipedes
***
#66: slight phobia admission #2
scaffolding makes
me feel a
bit uneasy
***
#67: slight phobia admission #3
just thinking of
space in its
infinity
***
#68: on waking #1
an aching back
short of breath
unfocused eyes
***
#69: on waking #2
happiness gone
yet bad dreams
lingering on
***
#70: day out in suffolk #1
a museum
of radar
in concrete hut
***
#71: day out in suffolk #2
birdsong and waves
where the woods
reach the sea wall
***
#72: looking up (perspective trick)
helicopter
and a drone
both the same size
***
#73: dogs #1
a pug snuffling
and sneezing
wheezing, whining
***
#74: dogs #2
this dog looks like
a huge toy
fluffed up, alive
***
#75: dogs #3
“she won’t hurt you,”
he says while
his dog bites me
***
#76: daily routine (breakfast)
don’t eat breakfast
feel quite ill
when i wake up
***
#77: daily routine (lunch)
eat a sandwich
follow that
with cake and coke
***
#78: daily routine (dinner)
cook too much food
feel quite ill
for rest of day
__________
Notes:
1. Written in August and September 2019
__________