three untitled poems

I like
the transformative properties
of snow

the way
it obliterates
the boundary lines
we’ve laid down

road and pavement
path to garden
field from wood

and the way
it allows me to imagine
(in the hour or two before it melts
beneath the afternoon sun)
a world more open
than our own

All that is left now
is the absence of it

the outline
of where it once stood

the memory
of what it once was

the last few mounds of rubble
that no one’s found the time
to sweep away

These waves have been crashing
on indistinguishable shores
for a billion years
and will
for four billion more

__________

Notes:

1. Written in early 2018 sometime
2. Or maybe late 2017

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my dreams are so small

my dreams
are so small
tiny withered pathetic things

yet still they remain
as unfulfilled and unattainable
as wishes

___________

Notes:

1. Written on 22nd November, 2019

__________

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4/3/4 (anxiety suite)

#105:

haven’t felt right
all morning
woken from dream

***

#106:

something is wrong
with my heart
it aches, it aches

***

#107:

i need to cry
but i’m scared
i’ll never stop

***

#108:

not suicide
but instead
death by neglect

***

#109:

all i dream of
is to once
just be happy

***

#110:

anxiety
renders me
incapable

***

#111:

depressed depressed
depressed de
pressed depressed de

***

#112:

wasted a week
playing no
mans fucking sky

***

#113:

yes i am a
failure
of a human

***

#114:

i have begun
to lose my
whole fucking mind

***

#115:

my self laid bare
competence
is beyond me

***

#116:

i can’t keep my
heart beating
any longer

***

#117:

i cannot bring
myself to
believe you care

***

#118:

yes i could do
anything
if i weren’t me

***

#119:

a tiredness
creeping in
need something new

***

#120:

my teeth all buzz
as if they’re
electrified

***

#121:

imprecision
of language
a failing mind

***

#122:

i cannot write
anything
longer than this

***

#123:

one two three four
five six sev
en eight nine ten

***

#124:

i would blame this
on others
but it’s all me

***

#125:

the crows nested
in my heart
the worms, my mind

***

#126:

i like to sit
by the sea
dream of drowning

***

#127:

a small comfort
in the dream
as if its real

***

#128:

but then i wake
and somehow
its not the same

***

#129:

please forgive me
for my crimes
i’ve repented

***

#130:

i’m just not good
at any
thing at all

__________

Notes:

1. Written in September and October, 2019
2. Previous collections can be found here: #1; #2; #3; #4

__________

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separations of lines

when i was a teenager
reading poetry at school
i remember getting
just
completely
infuriated
by the random line breaks
everywhere
thinking
screaming
(whining)
couldn’t you have written this as a sentence
a single paragraph
correctly punctuated
its meaning made clearer
and more concise
unobfuscated
by these arbitrary separations
Now of course this is all I have
all I do
everything I am
drawn out
and spread thin
in the hope
that the spaces
between
will hold more meaning
than the words themselves

__________

Notes:

1. Written on 23rd September, 2019
2. Originally posted on twitter
3. Where it makes more sense really

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