Tales From The Town #188: On the Existence Of Hedgehogs

“Do you think hedgehogs actually exist?” Claire asked. “Because I don’t think hedgehogs exist AT ALL!”

This question/declaration of Claire’s had nothing to do with anything anyone had said or that anyone was doing, but it seemed overwhelmingly important to Claire at that precise moment in time. She’d been thinking about this a lot.

“Of course they exist,” said Tina. “Why wouldn’t they exist?”

“Because I’ve never seen one.”

“You have,” Ethel said. “We all have.”

“I haven’t,” said Claire.

“Well I have,” said Ethel. “In the garden.”

“Prove it,” said Claire.

“You prove it,” said Ethel.

“That’s not how proof works,” said Claire.

“You’re not how proof works,” said Ethel.

“I saw two hedgehogs once,” said Daniel.

“You haven’t,” said Claire.

“They were getting married,” said Daniel.

“They weren’t!”

“They had FOUR babies!” said Daniel. “And a nephew.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Claire, kicking the pieces off the Monopoly board and storming out of the room before anyone remembered she hadn’t paid off any of her recently declared debts.

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Notes:

1. Written on 17th August, 2024

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Tales From The Town #187: Facts About… Going Back To School

Panel 1: Facts About… Going Back To School (all caps, with a drop shadow and a quadruple exclamation mark at the end, above a small close up of Claire and the words “with Claire!!!” written in a jaunty font that closely resembles comic sans because it is actually comic sans and also it’s in bright red)
Panel 2: Close up on Claire’s face – “Back to school?”
Panel 3: Closer up on Claire’s face – “Back to cruel more like!”

Notes: If you would like to publish Facts About… With Claire! in your secret diary or on your own noticeboard please contact Claire at claire@claire.claire

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Notes:

1. Written on August 17th, 2024

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Tales From The Town #186: Dreams Of Animals

On the night of the 31st August, 2024, at exactly 1:23 am, the occupants of the house all simultaneously dreamt dreams that involved animals entering and/or occupying their home.

Agnes dreamt of autumnal dogs sleeping by the fire.
Ethel dreamt of cats and where in the house to find them.
Tina dreamt of a lightly freckled doe shivering in the hall.
Claire dreamt of otters misbehaving in the bathroom.
Anya dreamt birds were nesting in her bowl of all bran.
Oya dreamt of spiders weaving net curtains over all the open windows.
Daniel dreamt entire zoos into every room.
The dolls dreamt of ogres.
The house dreamt of all the ghosts it’d known.

What conclusions can we draw from this? None.

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Notes:

1. Written on August 13th, 2024

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

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Tales From The Town #185: Antiques

At the antiques fair, Simon sold his childhood for vastly more than he’d ever bought it for, but vastly less than he would eventually realise it was worth.

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Notes:

1. Written on August 14th, 2024

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Tales From The Town #184: A Fort

The fort stood halfway up the hill at the end of the garden, as far beyond the swings as the swings were from the house. It was constructed from four deckchairs, one picnic blanket, two beach towels, someone’s t-shirt, three shoes and a stone. Its current supplies consisted of two jam sandwiches, one apple, and a packet of quavers, two water pistols, three quarters of a bucket of ammunition (paddling pool water), plus a colouring book, three pens, two dolls, and a plastic tea set (imaginary tea optional).

Their enemies occupied the Wendy House, and woud be resisted at all costs (up to and including getting soaked by water bombs).

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Notes:

1. Written on August 13th, 2024

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!