Tales From The Town #75: Statues At Noon

They stood like statues on the crest of the hill overlooking the house, stone watchers standing in judgement over all they surveyed. All that moved was their hair in the wind. No one knew where they had come from nor when they would leave. Perhaps only when all our crimes had been confessed would they disappear.

“This,” said Claire, through gritted teeth and clamped closed lips. “Is the worst game ever!”

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Notes:

1. Written on 30th May, 2022

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Tales From The Town #55: The Worst Idea Ever

Thermometer racing. That was their new game. The four of them had all spent this week’s pound on a thermometer each and now they were home they left them in the sun so they could play this new sport they’d just invented where your thermometer had to beat their thermometers to the highest temperature of the day (while also accruing points for reaching significant milestones along the way).

Thermometer racing. They all agreed this game wasn’t just the worst game ever but the worst idea ever too. The worst idea any of them had ever had. The greatest waste of their money and their time and their lives and an entire Saturday ever ever ever.

Thermometer racing. Even the name was awful. They’d said thermometer so many times by now it made them all feel sick but still they couldn’t stop saying it because they were trapped in some delirium loop now, too furious to stop.

Thermometer racing. The only thing about it they couldn’t agree on was whose idea it was in the first place. The arguments about that, at least, were worth every penny.

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Notes:

1. Written on 3rd August, 2021

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Snow Grave

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Notes

1. Made in March 2022
2. Another thing made in Pulp for the Playdate
3. Which you can see this post for more information about
4. If you’re interested

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

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Aaaaaaaargh! (a game)

This was made using the Pulp game editor for Playdate. You can download the game below, to play either through the Pulp app emulator or the playdate itself (maybe – I have no idea when they’re released or how they work).

Download: aaaargh (zip file)

To install it you’ll need to extract and import either the json file (which I think is the source code) into the pulp app, or load the .pdx folder onto your playdate (if anyone actually has a Playdate). You might need to make an account first to use the Pulp editor, and there’s import buttons on the main page that should hopefully work with these files.

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Notes:

1. Made in March 2022
2. The sounds/soundtrack are terrible, for which I apologise
3. But they were the best I could do.
4. It is supposed to be intentionally irritating.
5. But the sound on this video is somehow broken even more.
6. I have no idea how to capture system sounds using quicktime, so had to record the audio through the internal microphone, the noise cancelling algorithms of which seem to have eaten half of the static and most of the beeps.
7. Sorry about that.

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

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Saturday Afternoon Ikea Trip Simulator

Saturday Afternoon Ikea Trip Simulator is a one joke text adventure designed to simulate the experience of going to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon (other times of day and/or days of the week are available upon request).

Begin your Saturday afternoon Ikea trip simulation here

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Notes:

1. Made between October 30th and November 2nd, 2021
2. It’s made in TWINE, so should hopefully work in all and any browsers, but I cannot guarantee it.
3. I haven’t actually been to an Ikea in two years so it’s possible this is by now all horribly out of date.
4. I will hopefully never find out enough to know.
5. For more information about Ikea, please read this important piece of reportage, live from my 40th birthday

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!