Play For Park Bench

Person A is sitting on the bench (location at your discretion). Person B approaches and sits on the other end of the bench.

A: You can’t sit there.
B: I can. I will.
A: You can’t. You won’t.
B: I will. I am.
A: No!
B: Yes!
A: No!

B stands up then forcefully sits down again.

B: Yes!
A: I am not going to sit here and put up with this.

A gets up and leaves. B remains sitting on the bench for some time. Eventually, A returns and sits back down on the bench.

B: You can’t sit there.
A: I can. I will.
B: You can’t. You won’t.
A: I will. I am.
B: No!
A: Yes!
B: No!

A stands up then forcefully sits down again.

A: Yes!
B: I am not going to sit here and put up with this.

B gets up and leaves. A remains sitting on the bench for some time.

Repeat until dusk.

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Notes:

1. Written on October 13th, 2022
2. An homage to Daniil Kharms

8 Little Known Facts About Well Known Science Fiction And Fantasy Authors

#1: Stephen King cannot spell the word “succinct”. Luckily he has an editor who can. (The editor was fired in 1989.)

#2: Though he never used it in any of his books, MR James’s favourite English word was “velveteen”, describing it in private as “sensuous, seductive.”

#3: Angela Carter modified her typewriter so that the i’s were dotted with lovehearts.

#4: Frank Herbert was addicted to mulberries to such an extent people often thought he was wearing lipstick.

#5: Vladimir Nabakov found England so bewildering he later described it as a “spacious and pretentious place with maudlin [figures] in various postures and states of enchantment amid a medley of pallid animals, dryads and trees.”

#6: HP Lovecraft was an absolute fool.

#7: Jules Verne was scared of brass bands (though he was quite fond of the sound of bells).

#8: Neil Gaiman once got lost in Soho. He was never seen again.

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Notes:

1. Written on the 24th August, 2022
2. Every fact is 100% true.

The Box

We got The Box for Christmas, a joint present for each other. It sits there on the table, pulsing, glowing, trembling, flickering, wrapping paper still spread around it like a nest. We knew The Box was all the rage these days, but we weren’t particularly impressed.

“I don’t see what this does that the The Cube didn’t,” she said. It was her idea to get one so I was feeling kind of vindicated but not an £899 kind of vindicated.

“Or The Vase,” I said.

“This is much better than The fucking Vase,” she said. “That thing was so impractical. One little touch and it’d fall over and spill emergence fluid everywhere. It might have been cheap to buy but it was so expensive to run.”

“Yeah, but it had charm,” I said. I bloody loved The Vase. I really did. “A sort of style you know. And portability. We could take it round your Mums. This Box is just… a box.”

“A stable box that doesn’t run on fucking AAA batteries,” she said.

“But it’s so utilitarian,” I said, sighing wistfully. “Remember when technology was exciting. Now it’s just the same, but newer.”

“At least this doesn’t accidentally merge its extrusions,” she said, shuddering at the memory of some half-remembered Christmas now long past.

“I quite liked merged extrusions,” I said quietly.

“I never want to see a merged extrusion ever again in my life,” she said.

I hoped one day soon they’d bring The Vase back as a retro thing, merged extrusions and all. I’d have to keep it hidden away somewhere she’d never find it, but yeah, it could work. They were pretty portable after all.

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Notes:

1. Written on 19th October, 2022