Tales From The Town #18: The Eggs

“Mum! Mum! The eggs hatched!”

“The eggs?” Agnes said.

“The eggs at school!”

“They were in an incubator!” The way Ethel said this she made it sound like four separate words rather than one whole one – ‘ink you bay tor’.

“There were three chicks!”

“And two ducks!”

“And an alligator!”

“And a shark!”

“There wasn’t a shark?!” Agnes said.

“There was!”

“It drowned!”

“But in the air!”

“It was so sad!”

“It wasn’t that sad,” said Claire.

“It was.”

“It really was.”

“It was the saddest thing ever.”

“It does sound quite sad.”,” Agnes said.

“It wasn’t sad at all,” Claire insisted.

She looked out the window at the graves in the garden. She couldn’t understand why she wanted to cry.

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Notes:

1. Written on the 7th and 8th of May, 2021

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Female Kill Machine

“It was the end of the 21st century. The space race had been won. The solar system had been colonised, the limits of human expansion had been reached. We had everything we wanted right here. Total corporate control of civilisation had been achieved. Quantum computing and nanotech alchemy allowed for the creation of any and every desired product at the instant of verified order confirmation and successful payment processing.

“It was a true utopia for all.

“In a world like this, there was only one frontier left on which any self respecting decillionaire could compete, and that was to try and perfect the ultimate technology and finally create a fully autonomous Female Kill Machine.”

Female Kill Machine is a lightning-paced absurdist quantum explosion of ever-escalating cyberpunk insanity and hyperviolence from the popular children’s author of Spiders Are Wonderful and Do Not Disturb The Dragon. Available on ko-fi (pay what you want); amazon (£2.99, or free on kindle unlimited); itunes (£2.99) and patreon (free for subscribers).

It’s about 25000 words / 120 pages long. It’s quite good please read it and maybe even recommend it to other people who you think might well want to read it too. Thank you.

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Notes:

1. Female Kill Machine was written between Monday 26th July, 2021 and Sunday 8th August, 2021
2. And edited on Monday 9th August, 2021
3. And then published on Tuesday 10th August, 2021
4. No point hanging around
5. It’s not like this is going to get any better with time
6. But still I hope you enjoyed it
7. And I’m sorry if you didn’t

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Thank you!


Tales From The Town #17: Emergency Repairs

“There, there, little one,” the witch said. “All done now.”

The doll slowly raised her stiff little arm up and touched her stiff little face with her stiff little hand. She blinked and winked and chuckled. She had a new eye! Now she wouldn’t look so creepy at all!

“It suits you,” the witch said, as the doll fluttered those stiff little eyelids at her. She leaned down and wiped a droplet of blood from the doll’s cheek. “I don’t know where the crows find them. And still fresh too. I bet you could cry now if you wanted to.”

The doll shook her head and gave an eerie little giggle instead. She was too happy to cry.

“Now, let’s talk about my fee,” the witch said. “I hope you’ve got a good secret for me, dearie?”

The doll nodded her stiff little head and then stood up on her stiff little legs and tottered over to the edge of the table and whispered her secret into the witch’s ear.

“Ooh, that is a good little secret,” the witch said. “A good little secret indeed!”

In the queue by the door, the other broken little dolls all strained to hear what their sister said. They hoped her secret wasn’t the same as theirs. The last thing a doll wanted was to be in debt to a witch.

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Notes:

1. Written between the 4th and the 6th of May, 2021

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Thank you!


Tales From The Town #16: Broadcast Media

They had it all set up. They were going to make a video and upload it to youtube.

Daniel pressed record.

There were thirty seconds of silence.

“What’s wrong?” Tina whispered from off camera.

“I can’t think of anything to say,” said Ethel.

“Good,” said Claire. This hadn’t been her idea at all.

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I will!” said Ethel.

“Good!”

There were thirty seconds of silence.

“Why don’t you say something, Claire?” Tina suggested.

“I don’t want to say anything!”

Good,” said Ethel.

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“I already have!” Claire said.

“Good!”

There were thirty seconds of silence.

Daniel pressed stop.

They did not upload it to youtube.

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Notes:

1. Written between the 4th and the 6th of May, 2021

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Thank you!


the rains of summer

the grass grows long
beneath the
rains of summer

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Notes:

1. Written on July 30th, 2021

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!