Tales From The Town #81: Explanations Of Events

“So that’s what happened,” Tina told everyone, having relayed what she overheard her Mum telling Anna and Oya in the kitchen. “I can’t believe it. Right under our noses and we never suspected a thing!”

“I suspected a thing,” Claire said.

“So did I,” Ethel said.

“I suspected it first,” Claire said.

“We all suspected something, Claire,” Tina said. “Just not that thing.”

“Well I suspected everything,” Claire said. “And I was right!”

“Shut up Claire,” Ethel said.

“You shut up!” Claire said back.

“No you shut up!” Ethel said.

“Anyway,” Tina added. “Now we just have to hope someone finds him before he does all this again to somebody else somewhere else sometime else.”

“Before who does all what again to where and when and why?” Daniel asked.

“The LODGER!” Claire shouted. “Who else would we be talking about?”

“I don’t know,” said Daniel. “So what did he do now?”

“Tina just told us what he did, Daniel,” Ethel said.

“Oh,” Daniel said. “I wasn’t listening.”

“Well you should have been listening,” Tina said. “I’m not saying it all again.”

“But I was playing with the cat,” said Daniel.

“That’s no excuse!” Claire said. “We were all playing with the cat and we still heard.”

“Heard what?”

“Heard EVERYTHING!

__________

Notes:

1. Written on October 7th, 2022

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Tales From The Town #80: Weather Report

A white heatless sun and a pale quartered moon pass like apparitions in the cloudless skies. Leaves linger on the wind. The only brightness the early fireworks that illuminate the autumnal gloom.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on May 12th, 2022

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Selection

It was my turn as Prime Minister this week.
I was woken up by the whips and given the ceremonial hi-viz and hard hat
then driven straight to Downing Street to give a speech to the assorted Westminster hacks.
I said some nonsense about being here to serve all the people all the time
before adding “All the real people!” with a cheeky wink to the guy from GB News.
His thumbs up meant the world to me.
Once I got inside I turned the heating right up, left all the taps running
and ate every Viennetta in the freezer.
“Bill that to the taxpayer!” I chuckled to some weary civil servant
As I put the hard hat on his head, handed him the hi-viz jacket
and went next door to see who the chancellor was.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on 20th October, 2022
2. In some weak attempt to be Tim Key

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Tales From The Town #79: Beneath The Witch’s Hat

These were just some of the things the dolls had seen the witch pull from beneath her hat as she went about her work, or so they said.

1. Needle. 2. Thread. 3. Wool. 4. Twine. 5. Yarn. 6. Wire. 7. Ligament. 8. Vein. 9. Small patch of cloth. 10. Small patch of leather. 11. Small tuft of hair. 12. Handheld catapult. 13. Model trebuchet. 14. Glass eye (several). 15. Pebbles (various). 16. Marbles (bag of). 17. Earth (handful). 18. Potted plant (japonica). 19. Potted plant (rose, with thorns). 20. Potted plant (assortment of cacti). 21. Potted plant (bonsai). 22. Small hat. 23. Large hat. 24. Medium hat. 25. Clockwork brain. 26. Clockwork heart/lungs. 27. Clockwork Bagpuss. 28. Cloth Bagpuss. 29. Flesh Bagpuss. 30. Newts. 31. Fungal spores. 32. Epoxy resin. 33. Gloy 33. That glue that smells like fish. 34. Doll’s leg (left). 35. Doll’s arm (reversible). 36. Butterfly swarm (as distraction). 37. Night. 38. Telescope. 39. Reading glasses. 39. Writing glasses. 40. Microscope. 41. Electron (singular). 42. Proton (en masse). 43. Molecular model (for illustrative purposes). 44. Skull (mouse). 45. Skull (deer). 46. Skull (own). 47. Skull (other). 48. 17 inch metal spike. 49. 11 inch metal spike. 50. 7 inch wooden spike. 51. Chopstick (wooden). 52. Another chopstick (porcelain). 53. Third chopstick (superfluous). 54. Fluff. 55. Lint. 56. Dust. 57. Shoebox (filled with playing cards). 58. Shoebox (filled with teeth). 59. Shoebox (spiders). 60. Shoebox (misc. other items). 61. Toothbrush. 62. Paint (yellow). 63. Paint (white). 62. Hairbrush. 63. Unidentified herbs . 64. Sausage wrapped in bandages. 65. Bread. 66. Photo of the house. 67. Photo of photo of the house. 68. Well water (bucket of). 69. Eel. 70. Heron. 71. Stopwatch. 72. Polaroid camera. 73. Reading monocle. 74. Writing monocle. 75. 1:5000 scale model of town. 76. The mayor. 77. Conker (on string). 78. Acorn (on string). 79. Walnut (no attachments). 80. Rest of Walnut Whirl. 81. Calipers. 82. Bell jar of unidentified eggs in viscous fluid. 83. Salt. 84. False teeth. 85. Actual lips. 86. Tongue (with working papillae). 87. Napkin. 88. An entire doll. 89. List containing items pulled from beneath the witch’s hat already containing its own entry right there on the page, as well as several subsequent items. 90-99. Several subsequent items.

LIST ENDS

__________

Notes:

1. Written on April 4th, 2022

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


A paling moon

A paling moon
and the sea
a sheet of glass

__________

Notes:

1. Written on October 13th, 2022

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!