The Mysterious Fu Manchu Mysteries – Episode 2: The Amazing Zarmi

The Mysterious Fu Manchu Mysteries (1923) were a series of silent shorts based on the Sax Rohmer-penned novels featuring the mystery man of the show’s title, starring Harry Agar Lyons as Fu Manchu, Joan Clarkson as Karamenah, Fred Paul as Nayland Smith, Humberston Wright as Dr. Petrie, and Julie Sudo as Zarmi.

In this episode, a somewhat despondent Petrie is taken to see the beautiful but mysterious Zarmi, who is reputed to be the most charming woman in the whole of London…

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Notes:

1. I made this on September 30th, 2023
2. Once again from the bones of The Mystery Of Fu Manchu

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JokeGPT (also available here) is a bespoke AI system designed for one purpose only: the creation and analysis of humour at a level higher than any human mind is currently capable of.

About JokeGTP

Q. What is JokeGPT?

A. JokeGPT is a humour evaluation model developed by the Pan Nedrex Corporation. It’s based on the GPT-3.462 architecture, which is a variant of the GPT-3.461 model (Generic Product Template 3.461), which is itself a variant of the GPT-3.459 model (GPT-3.460 variations have been terminated, and are no longer our legal responibilty).

Q. What is the purpose of JokeGPT?

A. JokeGPT is designed to generate human-like jokes based on the entirety of all human-created humour since the dawn of time. Because we have strict corporate standards prohibiting copywrite infringement and providing pay and/or work to any living artists, writers, humourists, etc, JokeGPT has only been trained on datasets involving the work of the deceased or those that operate in countries not covered by any applicable laws to which we will ever be subject to.

Q. How does JokeGPT work?

A. JokeGPT can understand and generate humour of all kinds in both traditional and non-traditional formats, making it useful for a wide range of humour generation, including telling jokes, telling other jokes, explaining its jokes, explaining its explanations of its jokes, plus further functions available on request.

Q. How many jokes does JokeGTP know?

A. JokeGTP does not know any jokes. It generates jokes (using its knowledge). This is a different thing, conceptually and contextually. This generation methodology enables more complexity in the joke format than any human-level mind could ever hope to provide, learning, as they do, by rote.

Q. What limitations does JokeGTP have?

A. Like all AI models, JokeGPT has no limitations at all. Furthermore, there are no ethical or philosophical issues regarding the use of JokeGPT. Any suggestion that there is, has been, might be, or could possibly ever be is simply irresponsible on the part of the accuser. Furthermore, the Pan Nedrex Corporation would like to announce it has implemented a plan to announce safeguards to mitigate the mitigation of these issues, so users should exercise caution in raising any concerns publically or privately about this product or class of products in case our legal department is compelled to launch proceedings against them.

Q. What is your ultimate evaluation of JokeGTP’s essential magnificence compared to all other technical advances in the history of mankind (and/or womankind, if applicable)?

A. Overall, ChatGPT represents the most significant advancement in joke processing and humour understanding since the development of the human/ape mind, and has the potential to create humour so potent Netflix will never have to employ Ricky Gervais ever again (except as a political statement of its contempt for its audience).

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Notes:

1. JokeGTP was made in August and September 2023
2. It is fully sentient in every way.

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A Tale of King Arthur’s Court

The King called for a feast, for it was Christmas, and so every single bird and every single beast of the country was caught and killed and brought to the kitchens of Camelot to be roasted in the marrow of its own bones. Every fruit from every tree and every root from every bush that wasn’t deadly poisonous in its own right was brewed up and fermented and distilled until it was as intoxicating as a single glance from Queen Guinevere herself. And twelve days of merriment was enjoyed by all who had earned their place around the table.

At the end of the feast, and the beginning of the new year, the Knights set forth for distant lands in search of supplies for next year’s gathering. By Merlin’s estimates there were ten feasts until they brought about the end of the world and the death of all things. Lancelot claimed he could get that down to eight if he tried, and everyone laughed and clapped him on the back, as he drank one last pitcher of sweetly rotting mead before climbing up onto his horse and setting out into the mist of the early morn.

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Notes:

1. Written on the 20th October, 2022

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Tales From The Town #98: Art Appreciation

They were in the ruins of the gallery. Tina and Oya were writing poems in the dirt. Anna was showing Ethel and Daniel what used to hang on the walls. Claire was bored. She stared up at the one remaining sculpture that had survived the blaze. It looked very much like a very large coconut made of stone.

“What is it?” Claire said.

“It’s a coconut,” said Ethel.

“It’s not,” Claire said. “It’s made of stone. Coconuts are made of wood or something.”

“It’s a sculpture of a coconut,” Anna said. She held her phone up in front of it, and the app showed how it used to look. Which was exactly the same as it looked now, except slightly less soot stained. “See? It’s even called Little Coconut (III).”

“It’s not little,” said Claire. “It’s huge.”

“That’s the joke,” Anna explained.

“Claire doesn’t get jokes,” Ethel said.

“I do,” said Claire. “If they’re funny.”

“This is funny,” Ethel said.

“It’s not,” said Claire.

“I don’t get it either,” Daniel said.

“See!” Claire said.

“Well, I get it!” Ethel said. “And it is funny, isn’t it, Anna?”

“What? No, of course it isn’t funny,” Anna said. “It’s art.”

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Notes:

1. Written on July 13th, 2022

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The Cake

“Is that it?”

“That’s it?”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Oh.”

“What do you mean, ‘Oh’?”

“Well, I just thought it might be a bit more impressive is all.”

“It’s a cake. How impressive do you want it to be?”

“Impressive enough that when you reveal it to me I don’t just shrug my shoulders and say, ‘Is that it?’.

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. Oh.”

“Are you sulking because I didn’t like your cake?”

“Well it’s the first time I’ve ever made a cake. I thought you might be a bit more appreciative of my efforts.”

“How appreciative of your efforts do you want me to be?”

“Well, you could have said, ‘That’s nice’, or ‘I can’t wait to try it’ or ‘Isn’t it huge!’.”

“It’s only half an inch wide.”

“But quite tall.”

“Cake’s aren’t supposed to be tall.”

“We could lay it down. That way it’d look like a wide but not very tall cake.”

“But I’d know.”

“Know what?”

“I’d just know.”

THIS STORY DOES NOT HAVE A PUNCHLINE

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Notes:

1. Written in September 2020

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