An earlier world

There was a time – there is always a time – when you were happy. You can see it now. And you see it clearer with every passing day, this moment, this time, this place, while everything around you now that drifts away. It takes on the form, the mythic scope, of a utopia.

You would give anything to get back there, to get back to a life, that life, that vibrant fucking life you had.

But you can’t go back there

because it never existed.

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Notes:

1. Written on September 27th, 2018

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The Swan

The swan pecked off my fingers, one by one, and afterwards everyone told me it was my own damn fault and I should have left the poor thing alone

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Notes:

1. Written on September 5th, 2018

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The Parrot

The parrot learnt to mimic human speech so precisely it could earn a thousand pounds a day tricking old women out of their pensions over the phone.

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Notes:

1. Written on September 5th, 2018

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Cobweb

In the corner of my room, there’s this cobweb that’s been there for years. I’ve never seen a spider there, but the web seems to grow thicker and stronger over time.

Occasionally I’ll see a fly caught by it, unable to escape. Is it worse to die pointlessly like this, in a dead, abandoned trap? Or is it just as terrible the other way too, just as pointless and upsetting and unjust to die in an active web?

Should I die alone, or somewhere the worms can find me

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Notes:

1. Written September 5th, 2018

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Egg trick

My granddad used to do this egg trick when he came round on the weekend. He’d line three eggs up on the table, in these brown plastic egg cups we had, and then he’d say, which one of these eggs is the chicken in, and we’d point to one of the eggs, and he’d slam his hand down onto the egg, causing it to explode, and he’d say, no, it wasn’t that one, pick another, and we’d pick another, and he’d smash that one too, and there’d be yolk all over the table now, and bits of shell hanging off his hand, and egg white covering everything like slime, and then he’d point to the last egg and say, do you think it’s in this one then, and we’d say yes, it has to be, and he’d slam down his hand, and blood would spurt out everywhere, and feathers, and bones, and he’d slowly lift his hand up, and you could see a beak embedded in his palm, with blood in a circle round it, egg trick stigmata, and then he’d look down in exaggerated horror at all the blood and bones and sickening mess and say, see, no, it wasn’t in that one either, you don’t get chicks in eggs, not these eggs anyway, eggs from the shop are unfertilised, and none of us could tell if it was a trick or not but he’d do it every week and it was always the last egg and now he’s dead from un egg related causes and we’ll never find out the truth of the egg trick

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Notes:

1. Written on September 3rd, 2018

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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