Tales From The Town #92: Tasting Menu (Courses 1-4)


“What’s that?”
“It looks like some slugs.”
Dead slugs.”
“It’s liquorice. It’s nice.”
“Urgh! It’s not nice, Nanny!”
“It’s not nice at all.”
“It tastes like slugs.”
Live slugs.”


“This stuff tastes like flowers!”
“And perfume.”
“And shampoo.”
“And eyeballs.”
“I don’t think it tastes like eyeballs at all.”
“I don’t even know what eyeballs taste like.”
“Well then how do you know it doesn’t taste like eyeballs, Nanny?”
“How do you know it does taste like eyeballs?”
Everyone knows what eyeballs tastes like.”
“I was a crow once. That’s how I know what eyeballs taste like.”
“You were never a crow, Daniel.”
“I was! I flew into a cloud and thunder came out.”
“Daniel was never a crow, Nanny.”
“He’s making it up to impress you.”
“Well, I certainly am impressed, Daniel. So, who wants another piece of Turkish Delight?”
“Definitely NO!”
“He doesn’t, Nanny.”
“I do.”
“You don’t, Daniel.”
“You definitely don’t.”
“That’s how they get you, Daniel.”
“You’ll never escape!”


“What is this?!”
“It tastes like ice cream!”
“But it looks like lemonade!”
“It’s cream soda.”
“Cream spider more like.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
You don’t make any sense!”
“I do!”
“You don’t!”

(repeat to fade)


“You never ate these, Nanny.”
“We can’t believe anyone EVER ate these.”
“They’re not even food.”
“They’re weetabix, Nanny!”
“With butter on them!”
“And no milk!”
“I’m not finished yet. Look, next you sprinkle sugar on the butter like this…”
“Nanny, this is disgusting!”
“If Mum finds out you’re feeding us this she’s going to send you back to the moon!”
“Well, actually, this used to be your mother’s favourite, back when she was your age.”
“It wasn’t?!”
“It was.”
“Not Mum?!
“She would NEVER.”
“Mum only eats spaghetti bolognese.”
“And cheese on toast.”
“And christmas cake and wine.”
“But not this.”
“Never this.”
“Dad was sent to the caves for less than this.”
“The lodger went to prison for less than this.”
“The witch was banished to hell for less than this!”



1. Written on 27th May, 2022


Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!