The Fourth New Tale

One day an old man and his wife sat in front of a wretched looking hut and sought to relax awhile from their work.

“I had a bad dream,” the grandmother said. “I had my hair powdered with snow, but the sun came out and melted it. My dress was made from a spider’s web, but when I passed through some bushes, the thorns tore it apart. My shoes were made of glass, but then I tripped over a stone, and they went ‘clink’ and broke in two.

“At noon I saw a beautiful bird as white as snow sitting on a branch. When the bird finished its song, it flapped its wings and flew ahead of me. I followed it until I came to a little house that was made of bread.

“I went downstairs into the cellar, where I found a very old woman who was bobbing her head. I asked her, “‘Does my husband live in this house?’ ‘Oh you poor child,’ she responded, ‘you’ve stumbled on a murderers’ den.’

“At nightfall the devil came home.

“When this monster came, he cut a piece of flesh from my own thigh, but I withstood the pain without uttering a sound. He went into the stable, cut out the eyes of all the cows and sheep, and threw them in my face.

“He threw me down, dragged me along by my hair, cut my head off on the block, and chopped me into pieces, so that my blood flowed on the floor. He saw that a gold ring was still on my finger, and since he had trouble pulling it off, he took a hatchet and chopped it off.

“You went out to look for me but found nothing except my bones, which you took away from the gallows and buried in a grave.”

“That’s all fine and good,” the old man answered. “I dreamed there was a fountain at the marketplace that used to gush with wine, and it ran dry!”

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Notes:

1. Written in March 2020
2. Part of The New Brothers Grimm project
3. Assembled from Tale 192: The Master Thief; Tale 29: The Devil With The Three Golden Hairs; Tale 84: Hans Gets Married; Tale 15: Hansel And Gretel; Tale 40: The Robber Bridegroom; Tale 242: The Robber And His Sons; Tale 32: Clever Hans; Tale 46: Fitcher’s Bird; Tale 232: The Crows; Tale 4: A Tale About The Boy Who Went Forth To Learn What Fear Was

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The Third New Tale

Once upon a time there was a sorcerer who used to assume the guise of a poor man and go begging from house to house to catch beautiful girls. No one knew where he took them, since none of the girls ever returned.

One day he went deep into the fields without regard to the way he took, and finally found himself in the forest. When he saw a small light in the darkness, he began walking towards it and soon reached a little cottage. Upon entering, he discovered an old woman sitting by all alone by the fire.

“What am I to do?” she asked.

“Let me keep the rose,” the sorcerer answered.

“Oh, my child,” she said. “You’ve got to die, or else we’ll waste away.”

Iron slippers had already been heated over a fire, and they were brought over to him with tongs. Finally, he had to put on the red-hot slippers and dance until he fell down dead.

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Notes:

1. Written in March 2020
2. Part of The New Brothers Grimm project
3. Assembled from Tale 46: Fitcher’s Bird; Tale 199; Tale 199: The Boots Of Buffalo Leather; Tale 29: The Devil With The Three Golden Hairs; Tale 93: The Raven; Tale 248: The Winter Rose; Tale 249: Prince Swan; Tale 53: Snow White

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Thank you!


The Second New Tale

Once upon a time there was a woman with two daughters, and they had become so poor that they no longer had even a piece of bread to put in their mouths. So she sat down on the ridge of a hill and began to weep, and she wept so much that two little brooks flowed from her eyes. When she paused and looked up in her misery, a man was standing there. He accused her of being a thief and took her to the court.

The next day she was brought to trial, and although she had done no evil, the judge sentenced her to death. She began to weep bitter tears, but they were all in vain. Nothing could move the judge’s heart. She and her daughters were put aboard a ship peppered with holes and sent out to sea, where they soon sank beneath the waves.

Well, many years later, the judge went walking through the forest. When he got to the sea, it was all black and dense, and it began to twist and turn from below so that bubbles rose up, and a strong wind whipped across the surface and made the water curdle. When he turned round, he caught sight of a beautiful woman, who was rising slowly out of the water.

The story does not end here, but my grandmother, who told me the tale, was losing her memory, and she forgot the rest.

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Notes:

1. Written in February 2020
2. Part of The New Brothers Grimm project
3. Assembled from: Tale 238: The Children Of Famine; Tale 130: One-Eye, Two-Eyes, And Three-Eyes; Tale 231: The Faithful Animals; Tale 116: The Blue Light; Tale 15: Hansel And Gretel; Tale 186: The True Bride; Tale 16: The Three Snake Leaves; Tale 57: The Golden Bird; Tale 19: The Fisherman And His Wife; Tale 181: The Nixie In The Pond; Tale 179: The Goose Girl At The Spring

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


The First New Tale

Once upon a time there was a stubborn child who never did what his mother told him to do. One day the child was very naughty, and no matter what the mother said, he would not keep quiet. She became so upset and distraught that she left the table, went into her chamber, and began weeping, while he stayed behind her all the time.

“Now I’ve got you!” the boy said.

The child tried to pull her hair, but his mother sat up and with one hand grabbed the skinny arms of her child and with the other pressed his head into the pillow. She continued doing this until his strength gave out, and he finally lay there dead.

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Notes:

1. Written in February 2020
2. Part of The New Brothers Grimm project
3. Assembled from Tale 117: The Stubborn Child; Tale 93: The Raven; Tale 92: The King Of The Golden Mountain; Tale 4: A Tale About The Boy Who Went Forth To Learn What Fear Was; Tale 168: Lean Lisa; Tale 105: Tales About Toads.

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The New Brothers Grimm

Somehow my A Thousand And One fairy tales project has reached Tale #100 today, and to celebrate that I’ve decided to make some new tales explicitly out of old ones, rather than just sort of generally out of old ones.

And so, in The New Brothers Grimm, I take sentences, paragraphs, and fragments of original Brothers Grimm tales, and then re-assemble them into something new.

The First New Tale
The Second New Tale
The Third New Tale
The Fourth New Tale
The Fifth New Tale
The Sixth New Tale
The Seventh New Tale
The Eighth New Tale
The Ninth New Tale
The Tenth New Tale
The Eleventh New Tale
The Twelfth New Tale
The Thirteenth New Tale

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Notes:

1. All of these were made in February and March 2020
2. They were all made using sentences from the Jack Zipes translations used in The Complete Fairy Tales collection, published in 2007 by Vintage.
3. Various minor changes to nouns, tenses, names, etc, were made to keep things consistent.
4. In a similar way to the In The Terminals Of Minraud trilogy of Burroughs cut-ups I made last year.
5. Which I thought might be interesting at the time
6. But which proved not to be interesting at all
7. To anyone
8. But me.

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Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!