Tales From The Town #155: Breakfast In Bed

“Argh!” said Agnes, as she was startled awake by Tina, Ethel and Daniel barging into her room as quietly as they could (which was not very quiet at all) at 7:48am on a Monday morning. “What’s going on?”

“We’ve made you breakfast, Mum!” said Tina, as she handed Agnes a cup of warmish chocolate.

“In bed,” said Daniel, as he held an egg cup holding a boiled egg above his head as proudly as if it was the world cup.

“Be careful with that egg, Daniel,” Agnes said. “The last thing I want is yolk all over the sheets.”

“It’s a hard boiled egg!” Daniel said. “Really hard! Look!”

He dropped it and then caught it neatly in the dainty china egg cup that was his favourite as it bounced up off the floorboards like a rubber ball.

“I see,” said Agnes. “Thank you, Daniel. But what are you all making me breakfast in bed for?”

“Because you’re ill,” said Ethel, who was holding a plate of burnt toast with a faint hint of embarrassment. No way could she do any tricks with this like Daniel could do with his egg.

“In bed!” said Daniel again, throwing the egg against the wall this time and catching it perfectly in the egg cup again before bowing for some imaginary applause.

“I was not ill,” Agnes said. She wasn’t allowed to ever admit to being ill, not even to herself. “I was just a bit tired.”

“For two whole days,” said Tina.

“And two whole nights!” said Ethel.

IN BED!” Daniel said for a third time, not because it made any sense to say it, but just because it felt like he should say it, just in case.

“Well, thank you very much everyone,” Agnes said. “It’s very kind of you. But I really wasn’t ill, you know?” None of her children looked like they believed her even slightly. “So, erm, where’s Claire? Didn’t she help?”

“She’s in bed,” said Daniel. “Ill.”

“Oh no,” Agnes said. “Poor Claire. She hates being ill. It makes her irrationally angry.”

“She said if you could be ill so could she,” said Tina.

“Then she said she’s not going to school today,” said Ethel.

“NOT EVER AGAIN!” shouted Claire from the other side of the house. “SO THERE!”

“Did you make her breakfast in bed too?” Agnes asked as quietly as she could.

“Daniel offered her his egg,” Tina said.

“But she threw it out the window,” Ethel added.

“That’s how we found out it bounced,” said Daniel, as he juggled the egg for a bit, caught it in its cup one last time, and held it out towards his Mum with a flourish.

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Notes:

1. Written on May 13th, 2024

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Tales From The Town #18: The Eggs

“Mum! Mum! The eggs hatched!”

“The eggs?” Agnes said.

“The eggs at school!”

“They were in an incubator!” The way Ethel said this she made it sound like four separate words rather than one whole one – ‘ink you bay tor’.

“There were three chicks!”

“And two ducks!”

“And an alligator!”

“And a shark!”

“There wasn’t a shark?!” Agnes said.

“There was!”

“It drowned!”

“But in the air!”

“It was so sad!”

“It wasn’t that sad,” said Claire.

“It was.”

“It really was.”

“It was the saddest thing ever.”

“It does sound quite sad.”,” Agnes said.

“It wasn’t sad at all,” Claire insisted.

She looked out the window at the graves in the garden. She couldn’t understand why she wanted to cry.

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Notes:

1. Written on the 7th and 8th of May, 2021

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The Eggs

When I was a child, of about eight or nine, for a few months I had this obsession painting eggs. I don’t know why. I just loved painting faces on eggshells.

You poked a pin in the bottom of the egg first, so the white and the yolk would drip out, and then you’d leave the shell to dry. And then I’d take my pens and my paint brushes, and I’d give each of them a face, and a name, and a personality. Some of them I even gave little hats. But only to my favourites.

I lined them all up on the top of my bookcase. Next to the dinosaurs and the miniature globe and the spaceships from Space 1999 and Blake’s 7 that I had, and loved, even though I’d never seen Blake’s 7, and still haven’t, 35 years later.

Anyway, one day, the eggs began to speak. And I listened.

Soon there was no going back.

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Notes:

1. Written on June 17th, 2020

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lunch

a boiled egg
and a slice of bread
feels today
like luxury

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Notes:

1. Written on June 7th, 2020

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Egg/Eye

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Notes:

1. Written on 8th January, 2013

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