The Day The Queen Came Round For Tea

The queen came round to our house for tea once. She wasn’t invited, she just turned up. Apparently she has the right. She didn’t even take her shoes off in the porch, just shuffled right in without a care in the world. Mum was furious but she didn’t say a word. I think she was more upset because she knew that from now on whenever she told us to take our shoes off we’d just say, “But the queen never did,” and she was right, we did all say that, for years. Kids are awful, really. Kids are the worst.

There was some cake in the cupboard but the ants had got in there again so all Mum had for the queen was some of those pink wafer things you don’t seem to get anymore but you used to get back then. Not exactly a queenly gift, but well it was all we had. If she wanted better she should have phoned ahead really. Not that the queen seemed to notice. She didn’t even touch her tea, let alone the biscuits. Snooty bitch.

When dad got in from work we all told him about how the queen came round for tea but she was gone now and he’d missed her, and he was quite upset because apparently the queen doesn’t have the right after all and we’d all been taken for mugs. Mugs.

“And which of you little brats has been traipsing mud all through the hall…”

He was really quite irate. Stupid dad.

Anyway, the queen never came round for tea again, and dad got rid of the ants somehow. He wouldn’t tell us how. Then Mum ran off to Germany with a prince and that was the end of that.

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Notes:

1. Written on June 3rd, 2022

Tales From The Town #58: On The Nature Of Boredom

“Urgh,” said Claire, as she picked up the dice. “This is so boring!”

“No it’s not,” Tina said.

“You’re only saying that because you’re losing,” Ethel said.

“I’m only saying it because it’s boring!” Claire said, as she threw another 1 (her seventh in a row). “I’ve had dreams more interesting than this!”

“We’ve all had dreams more interesting than this,” Ethel said.

“Because dreams are amazing,” Tina said.

“No they aren’t,” Claire said, as she moved her piece one place forwards onto the hexagon that said ‘Move 1 place backwards’. “They’re awful.”

“I dreamt I was a car,” Daniel said. “That could turn into a much smaller car.”

“See?” Claire said, as she moved her piece one place back for the seventh consecutive time. “I told you dreams were boring.”

“Well, I think that’s pretty exciting,” Ethel said.

“So do I,” Tina said.

“It’s not,” Claire said, as she threw the board on the floor. “What’s the point of a car that can turn into a smaller car. It’s useless.”

“When I run out of road,” said Daniel. “I can drive on the pavement.”

“That’s illegal,” Claire said, as she kicked the table over for good measure. “Not to mention BORING!”

The game was declared a draw.

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Notes:

1. Written on April 1st, 2022
2. While the picture was drawn on May 21st, 2022