Tales From The Town #36: Saturday Morning Spending Spree

The Land Of Pounds

Whenever the children get their pocket money, they head straight to The Land Of Pounds, where everything for sale costs exactly a pound. It is the most beautiful shop in the world.

[Legal Notice: The Land Of Pounds would like to make it clear to all readers, shoppers, entrants, voyeurs, and participants that it is unaffiliated with any and all other single currency unit based shopping emporiums, including but not limited to Poundland, Poundworld, World Of Pounds. World Land, Pound Island, or any other combination of words, symbols and expressions that may constitute a hitherto unknown but organically arising shop name either now, in the past, or the future, whichever future it is we finally happen to inhabit. Any coincident of naming is purely natural and within legal parameters concerning such aspects of law as trademark, copyright, emblemanisation, or hallmarking, where applicable. All legal avenues of complaint have been exhausted, and shall prove fruitless if attempted. Any broaching of this subject by customers will be met with complete and total humourlessness until the topic is dropped as awkwardly as possible and the purchasing of items can continue.]

The children know nothing of this, of course. They don’t even know Poundland exists. Even if they did it would not matter. For them The Land Of Pounds is all that there is. All that there ever needs to be.

Tina

Tina plans her purchases very carefully in advance. She wants nothing left to chance, and dares not let herself be placed at the mercy of impulse and desire. Who knows where such things could lead…

Today she goes straight to the bouncy ball aisle, and buys four identical bouncy balls (in a single pack), so that once they get home the four of them can race them down the slide together, without any arguments or complaints about who had the best ball, because all the balls will be identical now.

She’s been planning this for weeks, never mentioning the idea before now so that nothing could spoil it. She can’t wait to get home. She’s so excited. By her calculations, if they’re quick enough they’ll be able to sprint up the stairs to the loft quicker than the balls could slide down there themselves. Two races for the price of one!

In her mind everything goes perfectly. There are no arguments at all.

Daniel

“I’m going to buy a sword,” Daniel told Ethel.

“You’ve already got a sword,” Ethel said.

“I’ve already got eleven swords,” Daniel said, as he held his newest one aloft to marvel at its magnificence. “And now I will have twelve.”

Ethel could not argue with such irrefutable logic.

Ethel

Ethel bought herself a tiara because she knew Claire really hated princesses.

Claire

“What’s this?” Claire asked the man behind the counter, as she held up a plastic egg.

“It’s a plastic egg,” said Simon.

“Yeah, but what does it do?” Claire enquired. “What’s it for?”

“It’s a plastic egg,” said Simon.

“But why? Why? What’s the point? I don’t understand! I just want to know what it’s for!” Claire beseechingly implored.

“It’s a plastic egg,” Simon said.

Claire began to scream. “I don’t like it at all!” Claire told him. “I hate it!”

“You don’t have to buy a plastic egg if you don’t want a plastic egg,” Simon said.

“I do! I have to buy something!” Claire wailed.

“You could buy something else,” Simon said.

“Everything else is even worse!”

Claire slammed her pound down on the counter as furiously as she could, and then ran outside to show the others exactly what she’d got.

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Notes:

1. Written between May 21st and May 25th, 2021

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Tales From The Town #35: Five Dreams Of Space

1. Selene puts on her blindfold and dives into the pool. Floating there in the dark is as close again to space as she will ever get. It’s so comforting she could cry.

2. Someone once told Patricia that Venus was so hot the fillings would melt in your mouth. She wonders often how this would taste.

3. Ted would blow up a planet if he could. He would blow up the stars. He’d blow up the sun. But he would never harm the moon.

4. Every summer Anna dreams of winter. Every winter she dreams of Pluto.

5. The whale has no knowledge of space. It remembers oceans in the night. Galactic blooms of luminescent algae. Constellations of jellyfish pulsing in the dark like the neurons of some vast distributed brain. Volcanic vents glimpsed through crushing depths beyond the understanding of human hearts. All as beautiful as any comet’s tails or rocket’s trails carved across the impossible skies of our dreams.

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Notes:

1. Written on May 21st, 2021

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Tales From The Town #34: The Boy With The Box (parts 1, 2, and 3)

The Boy With The Box (Part 1)

He smiles at you and opens it up. Just a crack. Enough for you to see… what? Something. There’s definitely something in there. But what? What is it? What does he have in there? You step forward to take a closer look, but he snaps the lid back into place and leaves you always wanting more.

The Boy With The Box (Part 2)

“But I didn’t get the chance to see it properly!” Ethel said. “Show me again!”

“No,” said Ted. “It’s Claire’s turn now.”

“I don’t want a turn,” said Claire. “It’s just a spider.”

“It didn’t look like a spider,” Ethel said. “It was so dark it could have been anything!”

“It’s always a spider,” Claire said.

“What if it’s not, though?” Tina said. “What if it’s something new and amazing?”

“Like a newt!” Daniel said. “Or a worm.”

“Spiders are amazing,” Ted blurted out. “Really amazing.”

“See! I told you it was a spider,” Claire said. “Come on, let’s go. I can’t believe it’s snowing and all you three want to do is look in a box!”

“Oh, well, okay, yeah,” said Ethel, her eyes still longingly fixed on the box. “I suppose I don’t need another look. Sorry, Ted, but I’ve seen your spider before.”

“It might not be a spider,” Ted said desperately. “It might be something entirely different.”

“Like a newt!” said Daniel. “Or a worm.”

Ted smiled at Ethel and opened up the lid. Just a crack. Enough for a glimpse of that strangely alluring darkness, all those hints of something secret inside.

Ethel couldn’t resist. She tried but she couldn’t. She stepped forward, bent down, peered in, gasped. It wasn’t a spider in there at all.

The Boy With The Box (Part 3)

(It was seven thousand seven hundred and sixty eight spiders.)

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Notes:

1. Written between the 14th and the 21st of May, 2021

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Tales From The Town #33: David

He moved through his days like an iceberg. Slow and adrift, the immensity of his loneliness hidden beneath the surface, and denied even by himself.

He would have denied the existence of his very soul if he could. He would have denied the existence of his existence.

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Notes:

1. Written in May 2020

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Tales From The Town #32: A Gathering Of Crows

The crows gathered on the roof of the house. A hundred of them or more, all in a row, a cacophony of caws as they jostled for position amongst the crowd. On observing this event, many of the wisest sages and scholars from the town pondered the exact meaning of such an occurrence.

“Look at all the crows!” said Ethel. “I wonder what they’re all doing up there?” “I bet they’re hungry,” said Tina. “And now they’re looking for food.” “Crows eat eyeballs,” Daniel said seriously. “Dead eyeballs.” That was all he knew about crows. “Our house must smell of rotting meat then,” Claire said. “We must live in a house of dead flesh!”

“A gathering of crows like that means there’s going to be a storm,” Agnes called out to the children as they played on the swing. “You better all come inside before you get wet. I’ll make some hot chocolate and we can watch the lightning through the window.”

“An ominous warning,” the witch said, as she watched through her telescope from afar, in the comfort of her cottage, in the safety of the woods. “A portent for the horrors to come.” She cackled so gleefully the dolls covered their ears.

Back at the house, the crows, unaware of the speculation over the purpose of their existence, slid one by one down the icy gutter as if it was a slide, then joined the back of the queue to wait for another go.

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Notes:

1. Written between May 12th, 2021 and May 21st, 2021
2. I love crows
3. And wish of course to be one

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