“I’m bored,” said Claire. “Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored
__________Author: dng
Tales From The Town #209: The Big Pigeon, and other stories
The Big Pigeon, by Daniel
The big pigeon wasn’t just big, he was huge. When he landed in the playground the whole school trembled. When he flew up into the trees it was like a hurricane passing by. When the pigeon ate dinner it ate at least seventeen times as much as a normal sized pigeon ate for dinner. No one knew why the pigeon was so big but he was that big so all anyone ever talked about was how big he was even though that was the least interesting thing about him.
The most interesting things about him are: his name (Alphonse), his age (10 million years), his favourite olympic event (wrestling)
The New Clocks, by Ethel
No one noticed the new clocks at first. They looked exactly like the old clocks. But these clocks had one crucial difference. They were… EVIL!
Episode 1: The Ever So Slight Slowing Of Time
In this episode, The New Clocks wreak havoc by making a single school day last forever. It’s up to Ethel to save the day, and by saving the day, save the world (and the summer holidays)!
Why The Last Day At School Is The Worst Day At School, by Claire
I could be at home now I could be at the park I could be at Dad’s I could be anywhere but I’m not I’m at school writing stories and it’s awful.
Simple Summer Haiku, by Tina
just to be clear
six weeks of summer rain
won’t spoil a thing
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Notes:
1. Written on July 19th, 2025
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AI is the word for what computers do. It’s like thinking, but worse. In this essay I aim to learn all about AI.
Phones
Phones have the most AI of anything, except for our phones, which don’t. Our phones also don’t have any games on them, except for that awful game about dinosaurs that Daniel likes, and Tina’s spelling game, which isn’t even a game, it’s a dictionary. (Claire’s phone is broken and now she keeps nicking my phone which is why I’m writing this with a pen.)
Robots
Robots have AI instead of brains. Perhaps this is why Daniel’s robots keep falling down the stairs.
Videogames
When you play a game against the computer the computer characters are controlled by AI. Sometimes they are good but most of the time they are not very good. But they’re still better than Claire!
Music
Dad says one of the clever things about AI is that AI knows what you like better than you know what you like. This is why Dad let’s AI choose all his music for him and everything he listens to is AWFUL.
The Thermostat
When the man came and replaced the boiler he said our new thermostat has AI in it even though Mum specifically said she wanted a thermostat without AI in it, and there was nothing he could do about it, because that’s how thermostats work now, it just is. This means that when we have a bath we never know if the water is going to be hot or cold, which is an improvement on the old thermostat, where when we had a bath the water wasn’t hot or cold but lukewarm.
Daniel really likes the word thermostat and once said thermostat so much he forgot what thermostat meant. I bet an AI couldn’t do that!
Conclusion
When asked directly about AI, Mum says AI is “bloody useless”, which is a bit rude, and Dad says AI is “the most important invention ever”, which is a bit unlikely. Oya says that she “can’t really see what it’s there for,” while Anna said it’s simply “regurgitating stolen lies”.
Tina told me AI is “antithetical to poetics”, while Claire says AI is “stupid”, and that it only beat her at chess because it was “cheating”. Daniel said that if you said AI like it was a word instead of like letters it sounds almost like you’re screaming.
The witch cackled wildly when we asked her about it. (We don’t think she understood the question.) The cat has no opinion on AI at all.
In conclusion, AI is sometimes good (according to Dad) and sometimes not (according to everyone else and all my observations).
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Notes:
1. Written in June, 2025
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If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi. Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). Thank you!A Book Of Ghosts
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Notes:
1. Written between February 2025 and June 2025
2. And illustrated in June 2025
3. Originally on little cards, the words on one side, the pictures on the other.
4. Like miniature tarot cards or something
5. If tarot cards came with poems on them
6. Which I presume they don’t
7. Anyway, I apologise for the abject quality of a few of the illustrations
8. Especially the attempt at an aerial view of the field over the park
9. And also the magician in his hat
10. And maybe even all of the others
11. (I quite like the crow though)
12. And the slightly terrible whirlwind one is a tribute to this picture of a terrifying tornado in The Citadel Of Chaos.
13. Then again everything I do is a tribute to The Citadel Of Chaos
14. Also everything here was largely inspired by Leonora Carrington‘s Beasts series
15. Which I would spend hours looking at every couple of days
16. In an astonishingly good exhibition at Firstsite in Colchester
17. That ran through most of the bleakness of last winter
18. Also if you’ve found yourself all the way down here, you can download a pdf/ebook of this below
19. If for some reason you like it enough to want it on your phones or whatever
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If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi. Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). Thank you!The Vanishing Girl
There once was a girl from around about here who loved playing outside so much she hid every time her mother came out to call her inside. Eventually her mum became so worried she went outside to find her, but could find no sign of the child no matter how long she searched.
The only way to see her is not to look.
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Notes:
1. Written on June 15th, 2025
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