Tales From The Town #176: Pennies, Pounds

1. The Pound Machine

The pound machine at the arcade was definitely the best machine Daniel had ever met.

You put a pound in.

You got a pound out.

But expanded from one coin to fifty. Enough to fill an entire yoghurt pot and still have some left to put in every pocket you had.

It was like magic. It suggested a world of fractal expansion, where if you had enough machines you could increase your fortune forever until it was big enough to fill up more than just one yoghurt pot but maybe even as many as four yoghurt pots. And you couldn’t even hold four yoghurt pots. Not ever. Not unless you had four arms!

2. The Penny Machine

The penny machine at the supermarket was definitely the worst machine Daniel had ever met.

You put your pennies in.

And out came a pound.

Or worse, a five pound note. That wasn’t even a coin, let alone thousands of coins, all of them different in their own little ways.

It was like antimagic. The magnificent hugeness of the world reduced down to something small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. And even then you wouldn’t want it in the palm of your hand, because they insisted on being made of paper that was surprisingly horrible to hold. It was like they wanted you to throw it away. Blurgh.

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Notes:

1. Written on June 9th, 2024

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Tales From The Town #109: Market Stall

“How much is that?”

“A pound.”

“How much is that?”

“A pound.”

“How much is that?”

“A pound. Everything’s a pound,” Simon said, simultaneously pointing to the sign that said, “Everything £1”.

“Oh,” said Claire. She opened up her palm a fraction and counted out her coins again. “Urgh. Wait, how much is that?”

“A pound.”

“They can’t ALL be a pound!?”

“A pound.”

“This is so unfair!”

“A pound. Everything’s a pound.”

“I told Daniel we shouldn’t have bought those penny sweets!”

“A pound.”

“But we bought those penny sweets!”

“A pound.”

“I DON’T EVEN LIKE PENNY SWEETS!”

“A pound,” said Simon, dreaming of pounds. “Everything’s a pound.”

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Notes:

1. Written on March 30th, 2023

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

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pounds

I remember reading a story on teletext once in, presumably, 2003 or something, that in the 20 years since the pound coin had been released, 800 million of them had gone missing.

So I decided then that I would collect all the missing ones, and that would be how I made my fortune, and ever since I have dedicated my entire life to finding them.

So far I have found 4 pound coins.

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Notes:

1. Written on August 13th, 2016
2. Unfortunately now my quest has been ruined by the introduction of a new pound coin
3. I shall never forgive them

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If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!