Tales From The Town #134: The Scream (A Halloween Found Footage Special)

Scene 1: The Hallway Outside Claire’s Bedroom

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

*****

Agnes: What’s wrong? Are you okay in there, Claire?

Claire: Of course I’m okay, Mum!

Agnes: Oh. Well what are you making all that dreadful noise for then?

Claire: It’s fun!

*****

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

Scene 2: Kitchen/Dining Room

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

******

Tina: Mum! What’s that noise?!

Ethel: Someone’s screaming, Mum!

Agnes: Oh don’t worry about that. It’s just Claire.

Daniel: But Claire’s right there, Mum.

The camera turns to show Claire at the kitchen table, eating some cornflakes.

Agnes: Oh…

******

“Scraaaaaaaaaaeeee!”

Scene 3: Kitchen/Dining Room (part 2)

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

******

Daniel: I’m scared Mum!

Ethel: So am I

Tina: And me, Mum!

Agnes: We’re all scared, Tina.

Claire: I’m not scared, Mum! I’m…. DEAD!

Claire removes her head and puts it on the table next to her bowl of cornflakes, before awkwardly spooning more mouthfuls into her somehow still working gob.

Agnes: Okay, we’re all scared except for Claire.

******

“Scraaaaaaaaaaeeee!”

Scene 4: Kitchen/Dining Room

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

******

Tina: It’s getting closer!

Daniel: It’s going to eat us!

Agnes: It is not going to eat us, Daniel.

Ethel: It might!

Daniel: It will!

Agnes: It won’t!

Claire: Yeah, what if it drinks us!

Agnes: Claire! Stop that!

Claire: But what if it does!

Agnes: And put your head back on. It’s disconcerting like this.

Claire: But Mum….

******

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

Scene 5: Kitchen/Dining Room

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

******

Ethel: If Claire’s not scared, we should send HER out to see what’s making that noise.

Tina: Especially as she’s already dead.

Claire: I’m not going anywhere. I haven’t even finished my cornflakes yet.

Daniel: And she’s not dead. She’s undead.

Claire: That just means the same as dead, Daniel. And I am still not going out there.

Ethel: Claire’s even more scared than we are.

Claire: Am not!

Ethel: Am ARE!!

Agnes: Look, there’s no need to argue. Claire’s not scared.

Claire: At all.

Agnes: And no one’s going to go and see what’s making that noise.

Claire: EVER!

Ethel: See? Claire’s totally scared!

Claire: I am not! There’s no such thing as ghosts so there’s no need to go out there, that’s all. And I’m eating my cornflakes so there.

Agnes: And you’re all going to finish your cornflakes, too.

Ethel: But Mum….!

Claire: Yeah, Ethel, eat up. These might be the last cornflakes you ever eat.

Ethel/Tina/Daniel/Agnes: Shut up, Claire.

******

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeee!”

Scene 6: Kitchen/Dining Room

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaae!”

*******

Tina: It’s so loud!

Ethel: It’s so horrifying!

Daniel: It sounds just like Claire!

Agnes: But Claire’s there.

Claire: I am, aren’t I?

Agnes: So it can’t be Claire

Daniel: Unless there’s two Claires!

Ethel: Or four!

Tina: Or even more!

***********

“Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaae!”

Scene 7: The Hallway Outside Claire’s Bedroom

“Scraaaaaaaaa-”

**********

Agnes (emerging from the bedroom holding an old fashioned looking tape player from the 1980s): Don’t worry everyone. It wasn’t more Claires. It was just a recording of Claire.

Tina/Daniel/Ethel: CLAIRE!

Claire: I can’t believe you idiots thought it was a ghost! You’re all stupid and I hate you!

Claire stomps off into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her

Agnes: Well, at least that’s all over with. (pause) Wait, why’s she the one annoyed by all this?

Tina: And how did she do that thing with her head?

Daniel: And why was she eating cornflakes? On Halloween?

Ethel (pointing): And what’s that Claire doing scuttling along the ceiling like some sort of crab?

The camera pans up. Everything is a torment of scuttling movement

SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAE!

(EVERYTHING EXPLODES)

END CREDITS

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Notes:

1. Written in October 2023

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Tales From The Town #133: Eleonora’s Office Lunch

Bread (that was once fresh)
Spread (that contains the memory of butter and/or olive oil)
Apple (taken from beneath someone else’s tree)

Prepare before work
then at lunch eat as quickly as you can.

Try not to think
about anything at all

__________

Notes:

1. Written July 22nd, 2023

__________

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!


Tales From The Town #132: The Rudest Word In The Entire World (Part 2)

“Mum! Claire keeps saying rude words!” Ethel said.

“I don’t!” Claire said.

“You do!” Tina said.

“Well, yes, I do! But I don’t care!” Claire said. “All I said was that Tina’s stupid car game was a load of old crap.”

“Claire you shouldn’t say things like that,” Agnes said. “You know Tina likes that car game.”

“Actually, it is kind of rubbish,” Tina said.

“We don’t even know what we’re doing most of the time,” Ethel said.

“Oh,” Agnes said. “So why are you upset with Claire then.”

“Cause she said…” Tina said. “She said that rude word Mum!”

“Daniel might have heard!” Ethel said.

“I was an aeroplane,” Daniel said. “And then I was the dolls’ best friend.” He looked at the cat to make sure she wasn’t jealous. “And then I was a spaceship.”

“See?” Claire said. “Spaceship’s don’t get upset by rude words.”

“Not even intelligent spaceships,” Daniel said, nodding sagely.

“Well, I’m glad this has all been sorted out,” Agnes said. “Also I didn’t even realise crap was a rude word.”

Mum!” Tina and Ethel gasped, utterly shocked, as Daniel ran from the room screaming.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on July 28th, 2023

__________

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Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

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Tales From The Town #131: Descriptions Of The Witch

The witch was
the witch
was
the witch
was the witch

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Notes:

1. Written on July 28th, 2023
2. I think
3. (I forgot to date it at the time)

__________

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Tales From The Town #130: The Rudest Word In The Entire World (Part 1)

“This game is rubbish!” Claire said, kicking the board up in the air and scattering toy cars everywhere. “It’s complete CRAP!”

Claire!” Tina and Ethel exclaimed. “You can’t say that!”

“I can!” Claire said. “And I did!”

“But it’s…. it’s rude!

Really rude!”

“I don’t care!” Claire said. “And you shouldn’t either!”

“But we do!”

“What if Daniel hears!”

“You know how upset he gets about rude words!”

“And rude people!”

“And rudeness in general.”

“Well, maybe Daniel should just shut up!” Claire said.

Daniel came running into the room, arms outstretched, pretending to be an aeroplane. Then he flew back out of the room and up the stairs to play with the dolls, who didn’t swear at all, not even when talking about the witch.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on July 28th, 2023

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!