[Notes: This article, from march 8th, 2014, is reproduced entirely as written, spelling mistakes included. I make no apology for this.]
In 1946, while Ted Vaaak was attending the Bristlewood School (since disbanded) in what is now Salcott-cum-Virley, the school was selected to take part in the first ever Essex school trip to London, where they were invited to see a performance of Pericles, Prince Of Tyre at the Lewisham Hippodrome. A set of instructions were provided by the County Elders to ensure good behaviour, as it was thought that any trouble caused might negatively impact the reintegration of the county into the United Kingdom after the war. As can be seen in the image accompanying this article, an intact copy of these instructions were discovered in the personal effects of Ted Vaaaak during the recent recovery of the assets of his estate by the parish council of Mundon.
“Instructional Guidelines For Appropriate School Trip Behaviour
If you do not understand or are not enjoying the play, please remain quietly seated until it ends rather than shouting out your disgust and fury towards the stage.
The eating of food, especially eels, during the performance is forbidden. Please ensure you eat your eels in the foyer before the play begins or during the intermission.
If you are sitting next to someone who you do not know, please do not touch or push them.
London is a large city, and to find your way it is often necessary to use maps. If you do not know how to read maps, it is best to attempt to find someone who does, rather than trying to find your way by the usual methods of divination such as church bells, the crying of children, or the crying of livestock. It is likely that these will prove ineffective here.
It is considered good manners to pay for goods before opening them in the shops of these lands.
There are no woods here, but toilet facilities shoudl be availabe at the venue.
Part of the transport network of London is under the ground. For the duration of this trip, we shall not consider this blasphemous or profane. You will not need to pray, it is okay.
Please no violence not this time.
The sun shall set at 7 minutes past the seventh hour. The retunr journey should begin before this time.
Thank you and good luck.”
It is not known if a similar set of instructions were issued to the children on this trip.
