Tales From The Town #70: The Children’s Court (first session)

Topic: The Lodger And How Awful He Is And What We Know He’s Done So Far
Attendees: Claire, Ethel, Tina, Daniel, a doll, some dogs
Location: The Hollow On The Hill
Evidence To Be Presented: (verbal admissions only)
Ambience: Grasshoppers, contrails

Claire: …and he filled the freezer up with bread and I hate him. (pause) That’s the end of my evidence against the lodger. Oh and he broke the swing, remember?
Tina: That was ages ago.
Ethel: And he apologised.
Claire: What’s that got to do with anything? It’s still a crime. So who’s next? Daniel?
Daniel: He’s been trying to steal my dreams.
Ethel: What?
Tina: How?
Daniel: I dreamt he was asleep and dreaming he was me and when I asked him to stop he said no.
Claire: That doesn’t even make any sense.
Ethel: It does.
Claire: It doesn’t. Which makes it even worse. (pause) Good evidence Daniel.
Tina: I think he stole my poetry book.
Claire: No one stole your poetry book. It was exactly where I said it would be! In that drawer in your bedroom that you forgot to look in before for some reason!
Tina: Well, maybe he put it back there. Anyway, I still think he stole it. He definitely looked at it.
Claire: That’s not evidence. That’s supposition.
Tina: Well it’s better than insinuation.
Claire: It’s not!
Ethel: So why do you think the lodger stole your poetry book, Tina?
Tina: He quoted one of my poems back to me.
Claire: What does that prove?
Tina: My poems are a secret!
Claire: That’s stupid. Secret poems might as well not even exist.
Tina: Well now they exist and I don’t like it.
Claire: I hope Ethel’s evidence is better than that!
Ethel: It is! (pause) Wait, I mean, it’s exactly as compelling as that, Tina.
Tina: Thank you!
Ethel: So anyway… the lodger has been spying on Anna and Oya!
Tina: What? That’s awful!
Ethel: I know! And even worse, he’s been passing off Anna’s opinions as his own!
Claire: How’s that worse?
Ethel: They’re her thoughts, Claire! Not his! It’s plagiarism.
Tina: Plagiarism of the mind.
Claire: Maybe she’s passing off his opinions as HERS!
Ethel: She wouldn’t!
Claire: She would!
Ethel: Whose side are you on Claire? I thought you hated the lodger! I bet he’s never even read a book! Anna’s read loads of them!
Claire: I do hate him. But that doesn’t mean I should just believe anything you say about him. This is a court of law!
Ethel: Why can’t you agree with anyone, Claire? Just once. Please.
Claire: Because I’m right and you’re wrong! (pause) Although actually this time I do agree with you, Ethel. Because no one would pretend to have opinions as awful as his. Not even stupid old Anna!
Ethel: Stop being mean to Anna, Claire!
Claire: No! This is all her fault. If she hadn’t fallen in love with Oya and made Oya move out of her room and into Anna’s room then Mum wouldn’t have needed a new lodger and then the new lodger wouldn’t have moved in to the new rooms and the new rooms would still be empty and I could have moved into one of them instead and had it all to myself instead of having to sleep in the same room as all of you!

(silence)

Tina: What are we arguing about again?
Claire: EVERYTHING!

The court was adjourned until the afternoon.

__________

Notes:

1. Written on 22nd May, 2022

__________

Support An Accumulation Of Things

If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon or my ko-fi.

Patreon subscribers get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.

(Ko-fi contributors probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more).

Thank you!