“Rapunzel grew up to be the most beautiful girl in the world. On her 12th birthday, her father the king gave her to the witch in the woods, who locked her up in a tall tower with no doors nor stairs, and only one small window rightat the top, high above the trees of the forest, which stretched out all around from horizon to horizon, for that was how far away from anywhere else in the world she was now, and all for her own safety, or so the king had said to her.”
“What? Why the hell would he do that?”
“Claire! Don’t swear!” Tina said.
“I was not swearing! And I still don’t understand why the king would do that to his own daughter!” Claire said.
“Because he did!” Ethel said.
“But why?”
“That’s the story! That’s why!”
“But it doesn’t make any sense!”
“Stories don’t have to make sense, Claire,” said Tina.
“They do!” said Claire. “Otherwise what’s the point? ‘Oooooh! And then the king looked her up in the tower and then the tower turned into rocket and the rocket flew into the sun!'”
“And then the sun exploded!” Daniel said.
“Shut up, Daniel,” Claire said. “I was making a point. You’re not supposed to agree with me.”
“I think,” said Agnes, carefully. “That the king is trying to keep Rapunzel from running off with a boy.”
“What? Why? When? How?” Claire spluttered. “No girl would ever run off with a boy. Boys are awful.”
“Don’t listen to her, Daniel,” Tina said.
“I don’t,” said Daniel. “And won’t.”
“You will,” said Claire. “And they are! What about Ted? Or that new boy?”
“What new boy?” Agnes asked.
“You know, that one who joined our class that time,” Claire said. “Who was new.”
“When was this?”
“I don’t know,” Claire said. “About two years ago or something.”
“Oh him,” Tina said.
“He’s not new,” said Ethel.
“He was,” said Claire.
“And he’s quite nice,” said Daniel.
“No he’s not,” said Claire.
“He likes clouds,” said Daniel.
“Exactly,” said Claire.
“Liking clouds is cool,” said Daniel.
“No it’s not,” said Claire. “Liking clouds is stupid.”
“You’re stupid,” said Ethel. “You don’t even understand the passage of time.”
“Yeah, well you don’t even understand that boys are awful and I’m not running off with any of them,” said Claire. “Especially not Dad!”
“Look, no one’s running off with your dad, so can we get back to the story?” Agnes asked. “Please?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” “Okay.”
“Urgh, okay Mum,” Claire said.
“Good, thank you,” Agnes said. “‘Now, the only way the king or the witch could get into the tower was by standing beneath her window and saying, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.” The princess would then let down her long lustrous hair, which was as bright as gold and stronger than steel, and whoever was below would climb up her hair into the tower.'”
“What? WHY? HOW!!!!!?” Claire’s face got redder and redder with every syllable. “That’s… so…. STUPID!!!!”
“You’re so stupid, Claire,” said Ethel.
“And I thought that was quite clever,” said Tina.
“Long hair is cool!” said Daniel, shaking his hair that was like a viking’s hair around and around quite dangerously, really (although no one was harmed or even came close to harm).
“It’s not clever even slightly,” said Claire. “If this idiot Rapunzel was so clever she would have climbed down her own hair and escaped instead of just sitting there and letting someone else climb up it just because they asked.”
“She can’t climb down her own hair, Claire,” said Tina. “It’s attached to her own head.”
“She could cut it off!”
“She can’t,” said Ethel. “It’s magic hair.”
“And stronger than steel!” said Daniel.
“Also her dad didn’t leave her any scissors,” said Tina. “And neither did the witch.”
“You don’t know that,” Claire said. “You’re just making that up.”
“So that’s why her hair’s so long,” Daniel said. “It makes so much sense!”
“No it doesn’t” Claire said. “She could have used her fingernails.”
“But they’re not magic,” said Ethel.
“And they’re weaker than steel,” said Daniel.
“Also maybe she bites them,” said Tina, looking slightly nervously at her own fingers.
“She could use her toenails then!” Claire said, triumphantly. “No one bites their toenails.”
This time, Tina didn’t say a word in Rapuznel’s defence, although she did look nervously down at her socks for a moment or two.
“Ha!” Claire shouted, pointing at her sister very vigorously indeed. “Tina bites her toenails! I knew it! I knew it!”
“Shut up, Claire,” said Ethel. “You’re so stupid you wouldn’t even know HOW to bite your toenails!”
“I would!” Claire said, quickly pulling her socks off to show off her own toe biting skills, which were surprisingly adept. “See? I could totally bite my own toenails if I wanted to!”
“Ewwww,” Daniel said. “I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all!”
“Yes, please don’t do that, Claire,” Agnes said.
“I didn’t!” said Claire, indignantly, her foot still suspiciously close to her own mouth. “But Tina did!”
“I didn’t do anything,” Tina said quietly.
“You did!”
“She didn’t Claire!”
“She did!”
“SHE DIDN’T!”
“YOU ALL DID!”
Agnes took off her glasses and closed the book with a sigh. “One day the tower flew off into space,” she said to herself while everyone else squabbled for what felt like the 150th time. “And that was the end of that.”
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Notes:
1. Written on the 1st May, 2024
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