The fog was so thick even from the beach you couldn’t see the sea. You could hear it though, every wave, every seething sigh.
The end of the year, the end of the world. A perfect time to disappear.
__________
Notes:
1. Written on 27th December, 2023
__________Father Christmas, an angel, a reindeer, and Claire were sat at the kitchen table.
“Who wants christmas pudding?” Agnes asked.
“No thanks, Mum,” said Father Christmas.
“Not for me,” said the angel.
“Blurgh!” said the reindeer. “Christmas pudding is disgusting!”
“Yes, please,” said Claire eagerly. “I would love some christmas pudding please Mum.”
“But you don’t even like christmas pudding,” said Father Christmas.
“No one likes christmas pudding,” said the angel.
“Christmas pudding is made from mud,” said the reindeer. “And worms!”
“So?” Claire said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling in a faintly unsettling way. There was nothing more frightening than a happy Claire.
“And who wants custard?” asked Agnes’s mum.
“No thanks, Nanny,” said Father Christmas.
“Not for me,” said the angel.
“BLURGH!” said the reindeer, shaking his head and closing his eyes and miming throwing up. “Custard is disgusting times ten. And a half!”
“Yes please, nanny,” said Claire, with a grin as wide as several wolves’s smiles put together all at once.
“But you dont even like custard,” said Father Christmas. “You’re always saying how much you hate it.”
“We all hate it,” said the angel. “Every one hates it.”
“Because it’s yellow,” said the reindeer. “Yellow foods are the worst!”
“What about ice cream?” Claire said.
“Ice cream doesn’t count because it’s cold,” said the reindeer.
“What about cold custard?” said Claire.
The reindeer shook his head and looked a bit ill.
“Anyway shut up I can eat what I want,” said Claire, as her Mum put down a bowl of christmas pudding and custard in front of her. “Even custard!”
“Be careful Claire, it’s hot,” Agnes said. “I don’t want you burning your mouth again.”
“And do you want anything to go on your custard, Claire?’ Nanny asked.
“Can I have some chocolate spread?” Claire said. “And a spoon.”
“What size spoon?” Agnes asked, as she retrieved the chocolate spread from its hiding place in the cupboard under the sink that would now have to be changed because Claire had seen exactly where it was being kept.
“A big one,” Claire said.
“For Claire’s big mouth,” said the angel.
“Don’t upset your sister,” Agnes said, as she put the chocolate spread and a collection of spoons on the table in front of Claire. “Not while Nanny’s here. We all promised to be nice for Christmas, remember?”
“She couldn’t upset me if she tried,” Claire said. “I’m too grown up to get upset any more.”
She reached forward and very carefully selected a spoon. It was a spoon so big she didn’t evem know what it was called. There were teaspoons, and tablespoons, and dessert spoons, and soup spoons, but this was way beyond any of those. This was a spoon so big Claire couldn’t help but hold it up and admire it.
“Are you going to eat any of that?” Father Christmas asked.
“Or are you just going to stare at your stupid big head in that stupid big spoon all day?” the angel asked.
“BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH BLURGH” the reindeer said, before explaining that custard was 90% vomit and 10% sick and if you ate it you’d become 90% vomit and 10% sick yourself. Forever.
Claire ignored all this. She simply smiled, turned round to check that Agnes and Agnes’s mum weren’t looking, then quickly stuck her huge spoon in the chocolate spread, scooped out half the jar, ate it in one delicious mouthful, then dumped the spoon in the custard to hide any evidence of her crimes.
“Finished!” Claire said, looking so pleased with herself it was kind of surprising she hadn’t turned into a cat.
“But you haven’t eaten any on it,” Agnes said, as Claire marched triumphantly out of the room. “What a waste.”
“I’ll have it!” Father Christmas, the angel and the reindeer all said at once, together, searching through the spoons to see if there were any more of the really big ones.
__________
Notes:
1. Written on December 2nd, 2023
__________Cats
Asleep by the fire, they purred and purred. No one knew where the second one had come from, or where it would go to once the flames turned to smoke.
Crabs
They emerged from Antoine’s cave, their claws wrapped in tinsel, Christmas cheer curiously absent from their crustaceous minds. It would be cruel if it wasn’t surprisingly cute.
Dogs
The indignity of Christmas jumpers outweighed by the unexplained proliferation of treats. They horde their bones and know not why.
Robins
Belligerent little bastards given infinite leeway due to their beauty.
Whale
The whale cares not for Christmas. It dreams of summer, and the stars.
__________
Notes
1. Written on December 16th, 2023
__________“Winter’s rubbish,” Claire said. “I mean, look!” She stamped her boots down in the muddy puddle under the swing, which was frozen so completely she didn’t splash anyone with mud even slightly. “See? Awful!”
“I thought you liked the cold?” Tina said. “You’ve been wanting it to snow all week.”
“Only so we wouldn’t have to school,” Claire said. “Cold without snow’s totally pointless.”
“You’re’re’re to-to-totally pointlessssssssssss,” Ethel said, her teeth chattering so hard her insult didn’t upset Claire at all.
“Wntrsthbst,” Daniel said from beneath two scarfs, three hats, and a hood, “Nwntrycnsallthstrsnthsk!”
“Shut up about stars, Daniel,” Claire said. “It’s not even night time.”
“You’re’re’re’re’re no-no-no-no-not even night-ti-ti-ti-ti-time,” Ethel said, over the course of several minutes, by which time the sun had set and also it had started to snow.
“Snow’s rubbish,” Claire said. “What’s the point of snow on a Saturday?”
__________
Notes:
1. Written on December 1st, 2023
__________It was only the 2nd of December and already every promise had been broken, every door opened, every chocolate eaten…
Recriminations, but no regrets.
____________
Notes:
1. Written on November 13th, 2023
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