Saturday 1st February, 2025
Cold, tired
shivering
unproductively
at my desk
Sunday 2nd February, 2025
Outside
a lingering cold
slowly dissipated
as the day wore on
Monday 3rd February, 2025
All my plans come pre-abandoned
Tuesday 4th February, 2025
In the co-op the man stacking shelves spoke to me as if he knew me and I knew him.
But I didn’t know him
as far as I could tell
This threw me for the rest of the day
is still throwing me
now
Wednesday 5th February, 2025
The wing fell off the dragon my nephew made for me
6 or 7 years ago
I wonder if he remembers it
if he knows that it still sits here on my desk
glaring at me
whenever I look up from the page
and glance in its direction
Thursday 6th February, 2025
I feel anxious
always
It’s tiring
always
Friday 7th February, 2025
In the wet
and the rain
the cold seeps on
through your shoes
Saturday 8th February, 2025
Squirrels
in the rain
seem even more energetic
than usual
Sunday 9th February, 2025
Still raining
which is nice
I suppose
At least today I didn’t have to go out in it
didn’t really have to acknowledge it at all
Monday 10th February, 2025
There’s so little I’m good at
it should be upsetting
But with age comes acceptance
of your own unending incompetence
(if not that of others)
Tuesday 11th February, 2025
Tiny cuts on my fingertips
where the fingernails touch the sides
You don’t notice it really
until you start to write
Then it hurts like hell
Wednesday 12th February, 2025
Forget to write anything last night
so I’m writing this on Thursday morning
I still don’t have anything to say
Thursday 13th February, 2025
I thought maybe by keeping this diary something interesting would come out of it, some sort of insight arising from contemplating each day as a whole to find some tiny facet of it worthy of note that otherwise I’d have missed.
But I’m not sure that’s happened so far. The days still drift away without note
meaning lost or never acquired
I exist
but without reason
without interaction
with the wider world
Friday 14th February, 2025
Preparations made
for coming guests
The only time all year
I tidy my desk
Saturday 15th February, 2025
They have arrived.
Loudness
mess
and bursts of joy
Sunday 16th February, 2025
Bought strawberries in winter
(shouldn’t have bothered)
Monday 17th February, 2025
Urgh
Nits
Even if I haven’t caught them off the children
My heads still going to itch
as if I have
Tuesday 18th February, 2025
The world is a terrible place
and all the people in it
seem intent on making sure of it
(We all have nits now, too, just to make it worse)
Thursday 20th February, 2025
Everybody’s gone
and the house is dead
and quiet
and slightly empty
and sadder than it was
before
Friday 21st February, 2025
We’ve moved my bed into the other room
and it doesn’t feel right
sleeping somewhere else
Saturday 22nd February, 2025
Driving seems designed to be as unenjoyable as can be
Broken roads, broken drivers
and nowhere anywhere to park
Sunday 23rd February, 2025
Felt weirdly sick
from about 3 o’clock
all the way to midnight
Monday 24th February, 2025
Yesterday I felt awful
and today I felt
okay
Tuesday 25th February, 2025
All I can hear at night
is the sound of machinery
grinding on
in the distance
Wednesday 26th February, 2025
All the footage of rotting animals in A Zed And Two Noughts made me feel oddly queasy. Perhaps because it reminded me of when we found a dead hedgehog by the side of the road, when we were children, and as I looked at the maggots writhing away inside it, I felt as if they were writhing in me.
Thursday 27th February, 2025
A thousand crows
unscared
in a field
Friday 28th February, 2025
A film halfwatched
is a terrible thing
More unsatisfying even
than watching it all
__________
Notes:
1. Written in February 2025
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