Home Of Hell

**David N. Guy Presents Home Of Hell by David N. Guy (no relation)** **BACKGROUND** You are driving your car out of your hometown. Soon you’ll be starting your new job in a new country and you will never have to come back. You have stiffly said goodbye to your father and pretended you weren’t touched by your mother’s attack of the sobbing breathless weeps. You even gave their tired old cat a kiss, its fish-breath a trigger for a wave of nostalgia so crippling you barely made it back to the car without your legs collapsing underneath you and your heart bursting out of your chest and exploding all over mother’s fuchsias. Eventually, sat behind the wheel of your car, the trembles subsided, and away you drove. But there is still one last thing to do. You need to go to see your nan at the old people’s home, and say goodbye, one last time. You know you will probably never see her again after this. You know she probably won’t even recognise you when you’re there. But you couldn’t bear not saying goodbye. You turn into the road just past the edge of town where she lives, and park your car in the car park in front of the home. You turn the engine off, and sit there, staring out of the window, lost in thought. Overhead, dark clouds are condensing out of the clear air, and the blue sky is slowly disappearing. **NOW TURN OVER AND BEGIN YOUR ADVENTURE** Turn to [[1]]

**1** A huge crash of thunder sets your car alarm off, startling you awake in a panic. Outside great sheets of rain pour relentlessly down, and the sky overhead is so dark you can’t tell what time of day it is. You look at the clock on the dashboard but it isn’t working. Your phone is plugged into the cigarette lighter, but it’s face down on the passenger seat. If you decide to look at the time on your mobile phone, turn to [[55]]. If you decide to turn the key in the ignition, simultaneously switching off the car alarm and also turning the clock on the dashboard on, turn to [[13]]. If you get out of your car, turn to [[90]]. And if you just carry on sitting in the driver’s seat, staring blankly forward, ignoring the noise and the storm, listening to the sound of the whistling void in your skull, turn to [[115]].

**55** Your mobile phone says that it is 7:06 PM. You also have a text message. If you read the text message, turn to [[66]]. If you can’t bear the thought of doing that, you can either turn the key in the ignition ([[13]]), or get out of the car ([[90]])?

**13** You turn the key, but nothing happens. You try it again and again, but it has no effect. The battery must be flat. You look down at your phone. You’d left it plugged in to the cigarette lighter to charge, and it must have drained the battery while you slept. Cursing your misfortune, you get out of the car, the alarm still droning endlessly on and on. Turn to [[90]].

**90** The car park is empty except for your car. Your car alarm drones on, occasionally being drowned out by another huge roar of thunder from above. The rain is still relentless, instantly soaking through your clothes. Instead of chilling you to the bone, however, it feels strangely, almost pleasantly, warm. A short way across the car park is the nursing home. Do you make your way towards the entrance ([[137]]), or do you go and get a parking ticket for your car from the Pay and Display machine ([[73]])?

**115** Staring forward, your eyes begin to unfocus in the gloom. The raindrops on the windscreen seem to merge and coalesce into a complex fractal representation of something undoubtedly transcendent that unfortunately you can’t understand. It reminds you of all the times you ground the palms of your hands into your eyeballs as a child just to see the explosions of spiralling white fractal photon bursts that this somehow caused in your visual cortex. You tried to tell your father about it once when you were small, but he began to look so concerned you changed the subject to something less likely to offend. The contents of the subsequent conversation about the Beeching Report have been lost to history. Eventually your eyes seep their way back in to focus, and you get out of the car. Turn to [[90]].

**66** The message is from an unidentified number. It says “Go to work on an egg”. Baffled by this message, you leave your phone charging on the seat and get out of the car. Turn to [[90]].

**137** The building looks cold and grey. A featureless box of brick and windows, its very design seems designed to sap the will and throttle the soul. It reminds you of the school buildings of your youth, except smaller, and without a football pitch nearby. There might be one round the back, you suppose, but it seems unlikely. The front door is closed, and through the glass everything inside looks dark and foreboding. There is a sticker in the corner of the door’s upper window. If you want to examine this sticker, go to [[19]]. Otherwise, you can either knock on the door ([[155]]) or just push it open yourself ([[136]]). Alternatively, you could try going around the side of the building, to see if there actually is a football pitch round there ([[176]]).

**73** It costs £4.20 for 3 hours 45 minutes. Do you refuse to pay and storm off towards the care home in disgust ([[137]]) or do you fish through your wallet for the necessary change ([[89]])?

**89** You put your coins into the machine, one at a time, largest denomination first. After you’ve pushed them all down the hole you press the button to get your ticket but nothing happens. You press the return change button, but judging by the sounds the machine makes, all that does is cause your coins to tumble further down its gullet and into an abyss you will never be able to access. *Deduct 1 point from your Luck score*. Annoyed, you turn away and stride across the car park towards the main building. Turn to [[137]].

**19** The sticker is a picture of some children smiling with delight at their Nan. She’s sat in her chair, looking at the card they’ve just given her. The colours have all been leeched from the scene by years of sunlight, and air bubbles cause deformities to run across their faces like waves. A shudder runs through you at the sight of their bulbous foreheads and pale elongated mouths. *Add 1 Fear Point*. Frightened and flustered, you open the door and hurry inside. Turn to [[136]].

**155** You knock on the door, but get no answer. Perhaps they can’t hear you over the noise of your car alarm. You can either enter on your own ([[136]]), or try going round the back ([[176]]).

**136** Inside, the reception area is empty. The lights are off, and everything is shrouded in a thick, unnatural gloom. Dust covers the reception desk. In the corner of the room there is a vending machine. On the wall opposite the desk there is an antique rotary phone on the wall, a large plastic hood hovering over it like a strange helmet waiting to be stepped into and worn. There are two doors leading from the room, one behind the desk marked STAFF ONLY, and one in the far wall, opposite the main entrance. You have a wealth of options. Do you: Investigate the reception desk ([[114]])? Go and use the vending machine ([[188]])? Try using the phone ([[192]])? Go through the door that says STAFF ONLY ([[175]])? Go through the door in the far wall ([[37]])? Turn around and go back into the car park ([[189]])?

**176** There is a tiny gap between the side of the building and a rusty old fence. You put your back towards the fence and face the wall, your arms stretched out on either side of you as if you’re tottering along the tightest rope that has ever been strung across a deadly chasm, and slowly sidle into the opening. It’s a tight fit but somehow you manage to squeeze your gargantuan body in there. When you’re about halfway down the narrow passageway your jumper catches on a screw sticking out of the fence and begins to unravel. If you stop and try to unhook it, turn to [[193]]. If however you just carry on regardless, turn to [[111]].

**193** You twist one of your arms awkwardly behind your back and try to reach the screw that your jumper's become attached to. It’s just out of reach. You try again, straining harder this time, forcing even more of your arm behind you even though there’s barely any space. You can feel the muscles tensing up in your shoulder, but you won’t give up. This is, after all, your best jumper, and there is no way you want to put yourself through the trauma of jumper shopping again. Once surely is enough for anyone. You give it one more go, the pain in your shoulder by now almost unbearable, and this time you can feel the screw between your fingers. A couple of twists and pokes and fumbles later, you unhook the thread from the screw and can continue again on your way. *Add 2 to your Luck*, but *deduct 1 from your Stamina*, and then turn to [[72]].

**111** As you edge further along the wall your jumper begins unravelling at an alarming rate, almost as if someone is actually pulling the thread from behind the fence. You’ve only gone about ten metres and already there’s a huge hole all the way across your back. You take another few steps and the snagged thread suddenly snaps, but it is too late to save anything. This was your favourite jumper and now it is ruined. *Add 1 to your Sadness*. You continue on your way, tears welling at the corners of your eyes. Turn to [[72]].

**72** You emerge from the gap into a pleasant garden. A birdbath sits in the centre, and stepping stones lead away from it in two directions. One trail leads towards a back door into the home. The other trail leads off towards a small wooden gate in the middle of a row of fir trees. Do you inspect the birdbath ([[65]]), try to enter the home through the back door ([[196]]) or walk over to the garden gate ([[88]])?

**65** From the path the birdbath looked as if it was good quality, made from granite or another equally dependable stone, and sturdily fixed to the ground, but as you approach you realise it is actually just a cheap plastic thing, probably costing little more than a fiver from some godforsaken garden centre and nursery situated just off a nearby bypass roundabout. You can feel your bile rising, and when you finally stand before it you place a hand on its edge only to discover that it wobbles back and forth, sloshing some of its contents onto your shoes. *Add 1 point to your Anger*. If you want to storm off elsewhere, you can stomp your way towards either the back door ([[196]]) or the garden gate ([[88]]). If however you want to investigate the birdbath some more, turn to [[199]].

**196** The backdoor is plain and windowless, its wooden surface painted a strangely nauseating yellow colour. You try the handle and the door opens easily. As you step inside the door swings shut behind you, and although you turn around to stop it shutting you’re too late. You hear the lock click into place, and although you stare and stare, you can’t see where exactly the door actually is. Somehow it has camouflaged itself against the wall of the corridor, making it look like a dead end. Despite another few minutes of futile searching you get no closer to finding a handle or even a hint of hinge. There is nothing left to do except make your way down the corridor. Turn to [[37]].

**88** Over the gate you can see another car park, this one filled with cars instead of empty and abandoned like the one you parked in. There is also another building that looks very similar to the one you’ve been skulking your way around. If you go through the gate and make your way towards this other building, turn to [[200]]. Otherwise you can inspect the birdbath, if you have not already done so, by turning to [[65]], or you can make your way to the back door ([[196]]).

**199** The water in the birdbath is a filthy brown, thick with what appears to be rust. You tilt the birdbath slightly and swirl the muck around and around, watching the particles within it reluctantly following the current. All this movement uncovers something deep in the water, its white edge gleaming out from the centre of the bowl. Do you thrust your hand into the fetid liquid and recover the object ([[112]]) or leave it where it was and make your way to either the back door ([[196]]) or the garden gate ([[88]])?

**112** As soon as you stop swirling the water around the water settles and the gleaming edge of the object disappears from view. Unperturbed, you plunge your hand into the water and feel around in the dank depths until your fingers stumble upon something smooth. You pull your hand out and marvel at what you have found. It is an egg. Examining it reveals little beyond the fact that it is an egg. There are no distinguishing marks on it, and if there was a use-by-date tattooed on its side it has long been washed away. You rattle it near your ear, droplets of rank water splashing into your hair, but it doesn’t make any sound. You wonder if this means it is hardboiled or not boiled at all. Would the uncooked contents of an egg usually slosh about inside it or do they fill it up entirely? You do not know. Would a boiled egg feel any different to an unboiled egg? You do not know that either. If truth be told, you are a little frightened of eggs. You can eat the egg ([[117]]). If you don’t wish to eat the egg you can put it back where you found it and go to either the back door ([[196]]) or the garden gate ([[88]]).

**117** You are a little unsure of how to eat the egg. Do you pop the egg into your mouth and bite into it as if you’re eating a peach or maybe even a particularly tempting chocolate liqueur that’s just sat in its box waiting for you to devour it on Boxing Day even though you’ve eaten your fill twice over at least and you’ll probably be sick so you think maybe I’ll just take a liitle bite even though that’s the worst way to eat a chocolate liqueur and you’ll just end up with most of it leaking out all down your chin ([[173]]), or do you crack the egg gently against your teeth and then break it into your mouth as if you’re frying it and your mouth is the pan ([[153]])?

**173** You pop the egg into your mouth. Its wet shell tastes a bit like blood. You let go and manoeuvre it with your tongue so that it lies between your teeth. You slowly close your mouth, resting both rows of teeth gently against its calcified skin. Then you violently bite down. It explodes in your mouth, yolk and white mixing horrifically with the shell and the grit it was covered in to create a taste and texture in your mouth that is searingly unpleasant. You try to swallow it down but your throat revolts and you end up spitting it out, most of it dripping down your jumper and the rest spattering onto your shoes. Shamed, you make your way to the back door ([[196]]).

**153** You tilt your head back, opening your mouth wide as you do so. Lifting the egg in your right hand, you tap it delicately against the front two teeth on you bottom row, cracking a neat line into its shell. Then, grasping the egg in both hands, you break it open and let its contents run out into your mouth, filling the gaping hole with its raw uncoagulated contents. It is the nicest thing you have ever tasted. Unbridled pleasure fills your heart. It is as if heaven has been poured into your mouth. You swallow it all down in a couple of huge gulps and it leaves you feeling completely refreshed. *Return your Stamina, Anger and Fear to their original levels*, while also *adding 1 to your Luck and Resolve*. Invigorated, you can either head to the back door ([[196]]) or make your way towards the garden gate ([[88]]).

**200** As you make your way towards the building it slowly dawns on you that this is the place where your nan now lives, not that abandoned old filthpile you’ve been wasting your time in all day. They must have recently transferred all the residents to this new building. Simultaneously relieved and ashamed, you hurry onwards as best you can, wanting to put as much distance between you and your idiocy as possible. Above you the clouds have begun to recede and the sun shines brightly across the world. A rainbow melts out of the sky in front of you, and you make your way as eagerly as is still possible towards it. **THE END**

**37** You follow the corridor along for a little way and then go through a door into a deserted day room. You wonder where everyone is, and shudder with mild fear at the thought of being all alone here, forever, in this home. *Add 1 point to your Disquiet*. You should also add another point to your Disquiet score if at any further time you become a bit unsettled by your surroundings. Turn to [[6]].

**114** The reception desk is covered with pamphlets concerning the elderly, none of which look very interesting. Behind the desk is an office chair, its red cushioned seat covered in what looks like some sort of white hair, possibly from a cat. You can sit in the chair if you want ([[91]])? Otherwise, you should choose to do something you haven’t yet done: Go and use the vending machine ([[188]])? Try using the phone ([[192]])? Go through the door that says STAFF ONLY ([[175]])? Go through the door in the far wall ([[37]])? Turn around and go back into the car park ([[189]])?

**188** The vending machine is empty except for a single packet of crisps, standing alone in a field of metal coils. If you wish to insert some coins and buy them, go to [[12]]. If you want to try shaking the machine in an attempt to dislodge them, turn to [[113]]. If the thought of eating a packet of crisps in this desolate place depresses you somewhat, you can leave the room by either the staff door ([[175]]) or the door in the far wall ([[37]]). You can also try using the phone ([[192]]) or examining the reception desk ([[114]]), if you haven’t already.

**192** You duck under the plastic covering and stand there for a bit. It feels incredibly futuristic somehow. You imagine the dome reading your thoughts, ready to transmit them to a long lost lover on a distant planet. You close your eyes and try to think of the most beautiful thing you can. All you can see is a cat asleep on a bookcase. Maybe the dome is set to receive. The phone itself inevitably doesn’t work when you try it. If you haven’t already, you can try using the vending machine ([[188]]), or search the desk ([[114]]). Otherwise you can leave the room by either the staff door ([[175]]) or the door in the far wall ([[37]]).

**175** You find yourself in a small and quite cramped office. It is devoid of life. There is a notice board on the far wall with some notes and posters pinned to it, and next to that there is a door. In the corner there is a computer, its screen running an animation of some pipes growing ceaselessly in the dark like roots from some horrific metallic tree. And by the window there is a little cactus in a pot. What do you do: Read the notice board ([[194]])? Use the computer ([[20]])? Examine the cactus ([[138]])? Leave the room by the door in the far wall ([[118]])?

**189** You try the door, but it has somehow locked itself behind you. You rattle it in its frame in frustration but it doesn’t help. You are left with the following choices: Investigate the reception desk ([[114]])? Go and use the vending machine ([[188]])? Try using the phone ([[192]])? Go through the door that says STAFF ONLY ([[175]])? Go through the door in the far wall ([[37]])?

**12** You insert your money (47p) one penny at a time. After you’ve pushed them all into the machine’s heart, you press the code for the crisps (D7), checking twice to make sure it is the correct one. It is! The metal coil starts spiralling, pushing the crisps forward towards the edge. You wait in anticipation for them to drop, but instead the packet gets pushed up against the glass front of the machine. The packet expands as it is pushed harder and harder against the window, stretching horribly, like a balloon being squeezed by hateful hands. Suddenly it explodes, splattering blood horribly all over the window of the machine. *Add 1 Shock Point*. Some of the blood drips down into the tray at the bottom. You leave it there and back away, exiting the room without looking where you are going. Turn to [[175]].

**113** You shake the machine. The crisps don’t move. You can try shaking the machine harder, using your shoulder this time ([[156]]). Alternatively, you can try putting some money into the slot and actually buying them by turning to [[12]]. They cost 47p.

**156** You smash your shoulder with incredible force into the vending machine. The whole unit tilts backwards, hits the wall, and rebounds back, somehow catching you in the face. An alarm sounds, and the scrolling red text on the display changes from PLEASE INSERT CORRECT CHANGE to WARNING MACHINE LOCKED. There’s no way you’re getting those crisps now. Annoyed and hurt, you put your hand to your face. Your cheek burns slightly, and you can feel it beginning to swell. *Deduct 1 point from your Stamina*. Shamed by this entire scenario, you leave the room by the nearest exit in a daze. Turn to [[37]].

**91** You sit on the chair, despite it looking incredibly filthy. As you sit down, you notice that there is a red button hidden under the desk. Do you press it ([[154]]) or do you spin around and around on the office chair for a moment, contemplating your options ([[54]])?

**154** You press the button and suddenly an alarm sounds. It is deafening. You wait for it to stop but it just keeps going, getting louder and louder as it goes. This is even more intolerable than the car alarm. You press your hands to your ears but it doesn’t seem to make any difference at all. You can feel your skull vibrating, and your teeth begin to chatter involuntarily. All you can think about is the noise, this pounding, screaming, horrifying uncontrollable noise. You weep, your tears forced out by the throbbing vibrations in your face. The pressure builds behind your eyes, and you can feel them stretching, on the verge of bursting. You wonder if you’re screaming, but there is no way to tell. Then it stops. You rise unsteadily to your feet. You don’t feel well at all. *Deduct 1 from your Hearing*. Turn to [[135]].

**54** You spin and spin, faster and faster, the room blurring its way past you. There is an incredible amount of legroom behind the desk, and you can only hope that your workspace at your new job will be as spacious. Do you spin around in your chair some more ([[116]]), press the red button ([[154]]) or go back and investigate something else in the room that you haven’t yet done: Go and use the vending machine ([[188]])? Try using the phone ([[192]])? Go through the door that says STAFF ONLY ([[175]])? Go through the door in the far wall ([[37]])? Turn around and go back into the car park ([[189]])?

**135** It starts again. You run blindly from the room in a panic, hands over your ears. *Think of a number*. If it is an even number, go to [[175]]. Otherwise, go to [[37]].

**116** As you continue to spin around and around on the chair you begin to feel calm for perhaps the first time today, and you start to enter a meditative state. The blur of the walls whirling past you dissolves away before your eyes. Before you now you glimpse a pristine white paradise, spreading away into infinity in every direction, except, fortunately, for below your feet. You get up off the chair and begin to walk off into the void. Turn to [[18]].

**18** You have always been terrified of the infinite and yet somehow this void stretching out around you is strangely comforting. It puts you in mind of strolling along a beautiful beach that is devoid of anyone to be rude to you. An unattainable paradise. You amble off in no particular direction, lost in pleasant unformatted reveries. If you want to focus on your thoughts, turn to [[134]]. If you want to continue along on your stroll, unconcerned with taming the wanderings of your mind, turn to [[174]].

**134** You start to self-reflect. You don’t like what you see. *Deduct 1 from your Self-esteem*. Turn to [[174]].

**174** After a while you make the mistake of looking back at where you came from. The purity of the void behind you is soiled by your filthy footprints. God knows what you've stepped in but you've trod it all through the pale white nothingness. Disgusted by the way you always ruin everything eventually, your concentration begins to waver and the hallucination you’ve been lost in for what feels like hours begins to fall apart. The room comes back into focus, the walls spinning sickeningly quickly around you. You lose your balance and are flung from the office chair and tumble under the desk. *Deduct 1 point from your Dignity*. As you pull yourself up from the floor you somehow contrive to press the red button that was concealed underneath the desk. Turn to [[154]].

**194** There are three notices pinned to the notice board. Which do you want to read: A handwritten notice on a small card ([[26]])? An A4 sheet of paper with a poorly printed picture on it ([[152]])? A postcard ([[178]])? Of course, if none of those interest you, you can also go and look at the cactus ([[138]]), as long as you haven’t already done so, or use the computer (20). You could also just leave all this behind and exit the room ([[118]]).

**20** You sit down in front of the computer. You get rid of the screensaver by rolling the mouse about, revealing a desktop picture of a cat looking quite cute. The only program that seems to be installed is Internet Explorer. If you want to use the internet, turn to [[64]]. Otherwise, you can abandon the computer and check out either the notice board ([[194]]) or the cactus ([[138]]), if you haven’t done so already. If you have done so, or have no interest in doing so, you can also leave the room by the door in the far wall ([[118]]).

**138** The cactus is one of those short and bulbous fat little monstrosities sat in a pot of stones. It truly is a charmless thing. If you want to take the cactus so you can give it to your nan as a present, go to [[36]]. Otherwise, if you haven’t already, you can either use the computer ([[20]]) or read the notice board ([[194]]). Or you can leave the room, disgusted by everything in here ([[118]]).

**118** You find yourself in a short corridor. There are some stairs that lead upwards, and there is also a lift. If you want to take the stairs, turn to [[181]]. If you want to use the lift, turn to [[21]].

**26** The handwritten notice reads simply “Re: Egg smell question - Isn’t an egg shell porous, to some extent?” Thinking distractedly about what you have just read, you leave the room feeling slightly baffled. Turn to [[118]].

**152** You look at the A4 sheet of paper that is pinned to the notice board. The page is filled almost entirely with a black and white picture of a doll. It isn’t very well printed, the ink having leaked and smeared slightly across the page. However, it is still possible to tell that the doll has no face! *Add 1 to your Terror*. At the bottom of the page there is a line of text saying “If you want to buy one of these dolls, please ring the number below.” Underneath that the page has been cut into a number of tassles, each presumably having had the same number printed on it, although all but one of these have been ripped off already. If you wish to take the last copy of the phone number, turn to [[131]]. If you don’t wish to take the phone number, you can look at either the handwritten notice ([[26]]) or the postcard ([[178]]). Alternatively, you can try using the computer ([[138]]) or examining the cactus ([[20]]), if you haven’t already. If none of these decisions excite you, or if you have already performed them all, you can always leave the room ([[118]]).

**178** The postcard has a picture of a crow standing in some mud on the front. Underneath the crow there is a line of text which reads “Maldon: Essex’s Most Beautiful Town”. If you want to unpin the postcard and read the back, turn to [[47]]. If you don’t want to turn it over, you can read one of the other notices on the board instead, if you haven’t already. To read the small handwritten note, turn to [[26]], or to read the printed sheet of A4 paper, turn to [[152]]. You can also use the computer ([[20]]), or, if you haven’t already done so, examine the cactus ([[138]]). Finally, you could just leave the room entirely ([[118]]).

**47** You unpin the card and turn it over, but it is entirely blank. You can’t believe it. What sort of person buys a postcard just to bring into work and pin to a board? Uncontrollably annoyed, you hurriedly try to pin it back to the board, but somehow shove the pin right through one of your fingers. You scream in pain and run out of the room, dropping the pin somewhere behind you. *Add 1 to your Wounds*, and then turn to [[118]].

**131** It is only after you’ve taken the number from the poster that you remember that you left your phone charging in the car. In a huff, you screw the bit of paper up and throw it onto the floor, before storming out of the room. Turn to [[118]].

**64** You load up Internet Explorer. What website do you want to look at? If you want to read the Nemi cartoons on the Metro website, turn to [[151]]. If you want to look at the Guardian’s website, turn to [[87]]. If you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]]. If you want to read essexterror.com, turn to [[92]]. You have no interest in any other websites.

**151** You know the url for the Nemi subsection of the Metro website off by heart, so you type it in and go directly there. As always, there are five Nemi cartoons currently available. Which do you want to read first: Today’s Nemi cartoon ([[63]])? Yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[71]])? The day before yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[157]])? The day before that’s Nemi cartoon ([[109]])? The oldest Nemi cartoon still available ([[150]])?

**87** You open up the Guardian’s website. For some reason there are only three articles available to read on the page. If you want to read the editorial, turn to [[140]]. If you want to read a film review, turn to [[74]]. If you want to read an article about Heston Blumenthal and his new egg-cooking recipe, turn to [[38]]. There is also a pop-up message covering the lower half of the screen, informing you about the Guardian's new fundraising campaign. If you want to read this, turn to [[129]]. Alternatively, if you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]]. If you want to read some Nemi cartoons, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**172** The last email you received is dated three weeks ago. If you want to press refresh, to see if anyone has sent you a new email right this second, turn to [[195]]. Otherwise, if you want to look at the Nemi cartoon’s on the Metro website, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read the Guardian, turn to [[87]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**92** “In compliance with the terms set out in the court’s judgement, and at the request of Usborne Books, Essex Terror has been closed, the archives and all backup copies of the data have been wiped, and all physical copies of the magazine have been recalled and pulped. If you are reading this and think you might have residues of our content lingering in your caches, folders, drawers or memories, please purge them forthwith. Kind regards, the Essex Terror management team.” You will have to read something else instead, it seems. If you want to read the Nemi cartoons on the Metro website, turn to [[151]]. If you want to look at the Guardian’s website, turn to [[87]]. If you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]].

**140** The headline of the editorial reads: “A statement from The Scott Trust on the future of The Guardian.” Below that there is the following text: “The sole purpose of The Scott Trust, owners of The Guardian and The Observer, is to ensure the ongoing existence and editorial independence of The Guardian in perpetuity. To this end, we have decided to concentrate our activities around the core values of our historic newspaper, better to serve you, our readers, as well as to ensure the legacy of The Scott Family. “In the forthcoming days a number of changes will be slowly implemented. The newspaper will cease printing and become a solely online venture. The more moribund and unnecessary of our departments, such as sport, and news, will be phased out, and more resources will be diverted to our Comment Is Free (renamed Twitter Trends) and Netflix (nee Culture) sections. There will also be a cooking section that will be given undue prominence throughout the site. “The Observer has been discontinued in its entirety. Whoever used to write the crossword has been lost. The Guardian website will install upwards of seventeen separate tracking devices upon each reload. Adverts will blossom across your screens like cancerous growths on sunburnt skin. Multiple videos will autoplay simultaneously upon every device you own, each one louder than the last, a multitude of misphased ghosts screaming for help. But there is no help. There is only browser death, technological decay, horror upon horror upon horror heaped upon your soul.” You finish the editorial. If you now want to read the the pop-up message about the Guardian's new fundraising campaign, turn to [[129]]. If you want to read a film review, turn to [[74]]. If you want to read an article about Heston Blumenthal and his new egg-cooking recipe, turn to [[38]]. If you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]]. If you want to read some Nemi cartoons, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**129** The fundraising appeal fills almost the entirety of your screen, yet you find your eyes glazing over whenever you try to read the words requesting that you subscribe to the newspaper. Try as you might, rather than donating, you cannot resist clicking away from it and onto something else at random. *Deduct nothing from your gold*. You are unsure of what you have clicked on to read next. *Roll a handful of die* If 1 die falls on the floor, turn to [[140]]. If two dice fall on the floor, turn to [[74]]. If 3 dice fall on the floor, turn to [[38]]. If 4 dice fall on the floor, turn to [[172]]. If 5 dice fall on the floor, turn to [[151]]. If no dice fall on the floor, turn to [[92]].

**74** **Film Review: The Blood Factory** **Production Year:** 2011 **Country:** UK **Language:** English **Cert (UK):** 18 **Runtime:** 89 minutes **Director:** Ted Vaaak **Cast:** Carey Mulligan “*The Blood Factory*, an unwelcome return from writer and director *Ted Vaaak*, is a one-joke film of such astonishing idiocy and tedium that it incredulates the mind and hinders the lungs of any and all of its viewers. One must hope that this is not the future of British film in these disconcerting post-Film Council days. “Ostensibly a straightforward addition to the torture porn genre, the film follows Tracy (*Carey Mulligan*) as she is captured and tortured by a group of humourless uniformed horrors. Over the course of an hour and a half she is force-fed, stabbed, tied to a gurney and then eventually slowly bled nearly to death. “It is only with the final scene that the true extent of the stupidity of the film is revealed and *The Blood Factory* of the title is shown to be the NHS’s blood donation programme. Vaaak himself traditionally refuses to be drawn on the satiric or political intent of his work, but in this case there appears to be no ambiguity, especially considering the inclusion of an advert for BUPA halfway through the final credits. “*Peter Bradshaw is the Guardian’s film critic*.” Beneath the article are several hundred comments from readers outraged at the critic for the spoilers included in his review. If you would like to add one more to the list, turn to [[30]]. If you do not want to add a comment, you can read something else. If you want to read today’s editorial, turn to [[140]]. If you want to read an article about Heston Blumenthal and his new egg-cooking recipe, turn to [[38]]. If you want to read the the pop-up message about the Guardian's new fundraising campaign, turn to [[129]]. If you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]]. If you want to read some Nemi cartoons, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**38** You start reading the article about Heston Blumenthal and his egg. There is a sentence which reads “Heston Blumenthal’s egg delights on every level”. You would quite like to smash Heston Blumenthal's egg, but you can’t. All you can do is turn the computer off with a scream and storm out of the room in disgust. Turn to [[118]].

**30** You leave a comment that is neither as original nor as witty as you believe. In fact, the comment directly above yours is essentially exactly the same, although possibly less poorly punctuated. It is likely that all the comments above that are as well, but you cannot be bothered to read any of them. Satisfied that you have had your say, you turn to something else to read. If you want to read today’s editorial, turn to [[140]]. If you want to read an article about Heston Blumenthal and his new egg-cooking recipe, turn to [[38]]. If you want to read the the pop-up message about the Guardian's new fundraising campaign, turn to [[129]]. If instead you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]]. If you want to read some Nemi cartoons, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**63** Today’s Nemi reads thusly: **Panel 1:** Nemi and Cyan are sat in the park. Cyan says “Do you ever think about eggs?” **Panel 2:** Nemi: “Eggs?” **Panel 3:** Cyan: “Like, just, sometimes I’m eating an egg and I think well where do they come from?” **Panel 4:** Nemi: “Egg cupboard?” Which Nemi strip will you read next: Yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[71]])? The day before yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[157]])? The day before that’s Nemi cartoon ([[109]])? The oldest Nemi cartoon still available ([[150]])? Once you have read them all you can turn to [[132]].

**71** Yesterday’s Nemi strip is set in some kind of rock club. You can tell this because there is a skull on a shelf behind the counter. **Panel 1:** Nemi is drinking at the bar. **Panel 2:** Nemi is still drinking at the bar. **Panel 3:** The barman: “Nemi this isn’t the bar this is the cloakroom.” **Panel 4:** Nemi is still drinking at what we previously thought was the bar. Which Nemi strip will you read next: Today’s Nemi cartoon ([[63]])? The day before yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[157]])? The day before that’s Nemi cartoon ([[109]])? The oldest Nemi cartoon still available ([[150]])? Once you’ve read them all you can turn to [[132]].

**157** This Nemi cartoon only has a single panel. In it Nemi is looking up at the moon, weeping. There are no words at all on the page, not even Nemi’s name or Lise Myrhe’s signature. You don’t get it. Which Nemi strip will you read next: Today’s Nemi cartoon ([[63]])? Yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[71]])? The day before that’s Nemi cartoon ([[109]])? The oldest Nemi cartoon still available ([[150]])? Once you’ve read them all you can turn to [[132]].

**109** Nemi is in bed with a man. Shocked and scandalised, you don’t dare read any more of the strip. This isn’t *George and Lynne!* You feel like you shouldn’t have to be exposed to this sort of filth in a family newspaper. Which Nemi strip will you read next: Today’s Nemi cartoon ([[63]])? Yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[71]])? The day before yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[157]])? The oldest Nemi cartoon still available ([[150]])? Once you’ve read them all you can turn to [[132]].

**150** Due to a mistake somewhere, this isn’t even a Nemi strip, but a Fred Basset cartoon. Fred Basset looks incredibly bored in each and every panel, even though in the final one he appears to be eating a small child. Which Nemi strip will you read next: Today’s Nemi cartoon ([[63]])? Yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[71]])? The day before yesterday’s Nemi cartoon ([[157]])? The day before that’s Nemi cartoon ([[109]])? Once you’ve read them all you can turn to [[132]].

**132** You finish reading all of the Nemi cartoons. If you would like to read them again, turn to [[63]]. Otherwise, if you want to look at your emails, turn to [[172]]. If you want to read the Guardian, turn to [[87]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**195** You press refresh, but you still haven’t received any new emails. If you want to press refresh again, turn to [[139]]. Otherwise, if you want to look at the Nemi cartoon’s on the Metro website, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read the Guardian, turn to [[87]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**139** You press refresh again. There still isn’t any change to your email account. If you want to try refreshing again, turn to [[179]]. Otherwise, if you want to look at the Nemi cartoon’s on the Metro website, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read the Guardian, turn to [[87]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**179** You press refresh again, but no new emails appear. If you want to press refresh once more, turn to [[195]]. Otherwise, if you want to look at the Nemi cartoon’s on the Metro website, turn to [[151]]. If you want to read the Guardian, turn to [[87]]. If you want to read Essex Terror, turn to [[92]].

**36** You try to squeeze the cactus’s pot into your trouser pocket but it doesn’t quite fit. Not willing to give up, you pull the edge of your pocket out with one hand and then force the pot in there with your other. Eventually, this method works. As you take your first stride away from the window ledge, however, the strain caused on the pot by the movement of your gargantuan thigh proves too much and it explodes. Mud and shards of plastic fill your pocket. The cactus bursts up and out of both the pot and your pocket, and then falls onto the floor. You need to step over the cactus to get out of the corner you find yourself in. *Roll two dice and test your luck*. If you roll 7 or less, go to [[110]]. If you throw 8-11, go to [[3]]. If you throw 12, go to [[53]].

**110** You step over the cactus easily. If you haven’t done so already, you can use the computer ([[20]]) or read the notice board ([[194]]). Otherwise, you leave the room by the far door. Turn to [[118]].

**3** You step over the cactus, but as you place your foot down beyond it you slip clumsily in the spilt mud. Your feet fly up into the air and you fall heavily onto your back. The cactus is unharmed. You hurriedly get up and limp out of the room, *deducting 1 point from your Posture as you go*. Turn to [[118]].

**53** You step straight on the cactus like an uncoordinated oaf. The pain is excruciating. The cactus’s bony spines push their way easily through the worn soles of your cheap shoes and hedgehog your flesh. You hop about screaming and wincing like a jerky marionette tied to a weathervane in a particularly windy storm, attempting to remove your shoe without having to put your foot down on the floor. You finally get a grip on your shoe and pull it off but this causes the spines to tear through your flesh as they’re pulled along with the shoe. You begin to cry. *Deduct 4 points from your Foot Health* and go to [[11]].

**11** You finally fully remove your shoe and drop it to the floor. There are a couple of spines left poking out of your sock, and you pick them both out gingerly. You are still standing on one foot. You want to put your hurt foot down but you are unsure, because you can feel the sock filling with blood. Do you remove the sock, and look at your wounds ([[133]]) or do you just step back down on your blood filled sock and walk away ([[56]])?

**133** You remove your sock. As you pull it off the end of your foot an astonishing amount of blood drips out of the end. You watch it pour onto the floor for over a minute. It maintains a steady flow for all of that time, before eventually slowing to just a few isolated drips that begin to clot into a bloody stalactite. Reluctantly you break the stalactite away with your fingers, and then use your sock to wipe the rest of the blood from the sole of your foot. Once it is clean, you put your sock back on, followed by your shoe. You step down on it gingerly, and although it is still a bit painful, and your sock is damp and filthy, it is largely fine. Turn to [[118]].

**56** You put your foot down. As you put weight on it, your blood-filled sock bursts under the pressure, splattering blood around you. As you watch it mingle in with the dirt you become frightened that some sort of bloodtree might begin to grow. You limp away, leaving only a series of fainter and fainter footprints behind you as you go. Left with a mostly bare foot, your *State-of-dress drops by 1*. Turn to [[118]].

**181** You climb the stairs with a minimum of fuss, reaching the upstairs landing in no time at all. Turn to [[80]].

**21** The lift doors are shut. There are two buttons on the control panel, one an up arrow and the other a down arrow. You aren’t sure which to push. Does the Up arrow mean you want to go up or you are calling the lift up? What if the lift is already upstairs? There is a similar problem with the Down arrow. Your finger hesitates somewhere between the two buttons. If you press the Up arrow, turn to [[62]]. If you press the Down arrow, turn to [[10]]. If the decision is too much for you, you could always just run off up the stairs ([[181]]).

**6** After your shuddering subsides slightly you take a more detailed look around the room. Comfortable looking chairs line each wall around the room except the far one. This wall contains both a fireplace (at floor level) and a television (mounted on a cumbersome bracket high up on the wall to the left of the fireplace), as well as a large number of framed pictures to the right of the fireplace. There is also a window on the left wall, and a door halfway along the right-hand wall. If you would like to look out of the window, turn to [[141]]. If you would like to examine the fireplace, turn to [[108]]. You can also look at the pictures on the wall ([[171]]) or the television ([[130]]). If none of these options inspire you, you can leave the room by the door in the right hand wall ([[118]]).

**141** It is still raining outside. There is nothing else of interest out there. You turn back to the room. If you would like to examine the fireplace, turn to [[108]]. You can also look at the pictures on the wall ([[171]]) or the television ([[130]]). If none of these options inspire you, you can leave the room by the door in the right hand wall ([[118]]).

**108** In amongst the ash and unburned wood in the fireplace is a small doll, its face turned to the wall at the back of the hearth. It is wearing a little lace dress, the cotton turned almost black by the soot. Its arms look all bulbous and distorted, as if they had begun to boil from the inside at some point in the past. It has brown hair that looks like it is made from spaghettied vinyl. If you decide to reach into the fireplace and pick it up, turn to [[107]]. If you decide to ignore it, and instead get down onto your knees and crane your neck around down there to look up the chimney as you’ve always wanted to look up a chimney and you’ve never had the chance before because whenever you’ve been in a room with an open fire before it has been in a pub or somewhere similar and there were always people around and you would have felt a bit stupid doing it in front of them all, turn to [[169]]. If you want to leave the fireplace well alone you can do something else instead, such as look out of the window ([[9]]), look at the pictures on the wall ([[171]]), examine the television ([[130]]), or leave the room by the door in the right hand wall ([[118]]).

**171** The wall is covered with promotional photographs and movie stills from the James Bond films. You spend a few minutes looking at them all, and are pleased to notice that George Lazenby has been omitted, although all the other Bonds are there. Suddenly you get an irresistible urge to turn around. Turn to [[149]].

**130** You switch the television on. There is an old Carry On film playing. Sid James is laughing dirtily at something. Then it cuts suddenly and Sid James is laughing dirtily again, but from another film or perhaps a different part of the same film. Then it cuts again, and once again Sid James is laughing, laughing, always laughing. After a while the looping laughter starts to transform itself inside your brain, changing into something resembling a language you can’t quite understand but have somehow heard before. It reminds you of monks chanting, and of old men making comments towards you and then laughing at your incomprehension as you walk into a bar in a foreign country or even just Suffolk somewhere. Or Kent. *Add 1 to your Despair*. It is too much for you to bear and you run hurriedly out of the room, just wanting to find somewhere quiet where you can have a nice cry. Turn to [[118]].

**107** You pick the doll up and turn it round, shaking some of the ash off as you do. It has no face. You shriek and drop it back into the fire before fleeing the room. *Add 1 to your Abject Horror* and then turn to [[118]].

**169** You get down on your knees, ignoring their creaks and aches as you do so. Poking your head into the fireplace and contorting your neck and shoulders around as much as you can let’s you get a glimpse of a dark and filthy passage that leads upwards towards the sky. You can’t see the sky though, or anything else. You feel quite disappointed in it all really, and now your shoulders ache a bit too. You can shout up into the chimney though, if you want. Turn to [[57]] if you want to do so. If you don’t want to shout up the chimney you can get back on your feet and do something else, such as examining the doll ([[107]]), looking out of the window ([[43]]), seeing what is on the television ([[130]]), perusing the pictures on the wall ([[171]]), or even leaving the room behind you and seeing if you can actually find your grandmother in this godforsaken place ([[118]]).

**9** You turn and look out of the window but it is so dark outside and the lights are so bright in here all you can see is the room reflected perfectly, as if in a mirror. You notice your hair is a mess. *Add 1 to your Dishevelment*. You turn away and leave the room. Turn to [[118]].

**149** You spin around on your heels and look at the wall opposite. It is dominated by a huge framed photo of George Lazenby in a kilt. He is pointing a gun directly at you. You let out a small and involuntary scream. *Add 1 to your Disappointment*. Once your pulse rate has settled back to normal you turn your attention back to the room, trying impossibly hard not to let your eyes wander back to the terror you have just witnessed. In the end, unable to fully regain your composure, you decide to simply leave the room by the door in the right hand wall ([[7]]).

**57** What will you shout? If you shout something intelligible, turn to [[16]]. If you instead shout something that is just a load of terrifying noise, turn to [[2]].

**43** You look out of the window. It is uniformly grey and dull out there, and the rain is still relentless. You imagine for a second that you can see an old lady standing out there, bent but defiant under the downpour, but then you realise it is just an old trolley that someone has stolen from the supermarket and abandoned out here in the hinterlands. You turn away and look back around the room. If you decide to examine the fireplace, turn to [[108]]. If you decide to look at the pictures on the wall, turn to [[171]]. If you decide to examine the television, turn to [[130]]. If none of these options inspire you, you can leave the room by the door in the right hand wall instead. Turn to [[118]].

**16** You shout out your name. You haven’t shouted anything at all for years and you feel quite self-conscious at first, but when there is no answer you shout again, and a bit louder. It feels quite good. There is however no response. You remove your head from the fireplace and stand up, ready to do something else. If you want to examine the doll in the fireplace, turn to [[107]]. If you want to try looking out of the window, turn to [[119]]. If you wouldn’t mind seeing what is on the television, turn to [[130]]. If you want to have a look at the pictures on the wall, turn to [[171]]. If you want to hurry on and leave the room to look elsewhere, turn to [[118]].

**2** You scream abysmal noise up into the chimney, making a sound like a crow or something. Your stupid cries set up some sort of echo feedback loop that creates an ever-rising vibration in the walls, and this symphony of crow's caws causes all the soot to dislodge itself and come tumbling down into your face and into your lungs. Choking and spluttering, you leave the room in a haze of weeps and coughs. *Deduct 1 from your Lung Capacity* and turn to [[118]].

**119** You look out of the window. It is raining still. You remember how, when you were a child, you would dream endlessly about the end of the world, and the apocalypse, and life after, of course, because you weren’t quite ready to commit to the apocalypse fully, and you still aren’t really, preferring to imagine it as nice and romantic and somehow safe, and in your dreams it would always be raining, and you would be sat in old abandoned cars or wind-battered tents listening to the rain beating down on the roofs and running in streams down whatever gutters it could find, and nothing was ever quiet again and you grew comforted by the drumbeat never ending. The end of the world was, essentially, Scotland. You aren’t in Scotland now though, and nor has the world yet ended, as far as you know. You are slightly sad about both of those things. You turn away from the view and look back around the room. If you decide to examine the fireplace, turn to [[108]]. If you decide to look at the pictures on the wall, turn to [[171]]. If you decide to examine the television, turn to [[130]]. If none of these options inspire you, you can leave the room by the door in the right hand wall instead. Turn to [[118]].

**62** You press the Up arrow. Nothing happens. Do you want to press it again ([[198]]) or do you want to try pressing the Down arrow ([[10]])?

**10** You press the Down arrow. Nothing happens. Do you want to try pressing it again ([[4]]) or do you want to try pressing the Up arrow ([[62]])?

**4** You press the Down arrow again. Nothing happens once more. Do you want to try pressing it again ([[93]]) or do you want to try pressing the Up arrow instead ([[62]])?

**93** You press the Down arrow for a third time in succession. Still nothing happens. Do you want to try hammering both of the buttons repeatedly until it causes something to occur ([[180]]) or do you want to try the Up button instead ([[62]])?

**180** You prod at the buttons in a demented frenzy, eventually prodding so hard your accuracy is impaired and you jab your finger directly into the wall, bending it back quite painfully. *Lose 1 Fingernail*. While you are holding your finger and wincing, the lift arrives. Turn to [[148]].

**148** You get into the lift, and the door wheezes closed behind you. It is an unremarkable lift, all metal walls and floors, although the top half of the back wall is a heavily tinted mirror. There is also a control panel on the side wall. Do you: Press the button marked 1 ([[170]])? Press the button marked G ([[52]])? Press the button marked <|> ([[39]])? Look in the mirror ([[147]])?

**198** You press the Up button again. Nothing happens this time either. Do you want to try pressing it again ([[183]]) or do you want to try pressing the Down arrow instead ([[10]])?

**183** You press the Up arrow for a third time in succession. Still nothing. Do you want to try hammering both of the buttons repeatedly until something stirs ([[180]]) or do you want to try calmly pressing the Down arrow instead ([[10]])?

**170** You press the button but nothing seems to happen. What will you do next: Press the button marked 1 again ([[128]])? Press the button marked G ([[52]])? Press the button marked <|> ([[39]])? Look in the mirror ([[147]])?

**52** You press the button but nothing happens at all. What will you do now: Press the button marked G again ([[29]])? Press the button marked 1 ([[170]])? Press the button marked <|> ([[39]])? Look in the mirror ([[147]])?

**39** You press the button. The lights go out and the lift is plunged into darkness. Slowly your eyes adjust to the gloom. You can see some light filtering in underneath the door, and it provides just enough illumination for you to realise you can’t see a bloody thing. You aren’t sure what to do. As far as you can tell you only have two options. You could try slapping your hand around the walls in the hope that you’ll locate the control panel and press something that’ll turn the lights back on ([[182]]) or you could sit down on the floor and weep in the darkness ([[86]])?

**147** You look in the mirror. Someone has smeared a line of grease across the glass at face height with their finger, and it makes it look like you have a moustache. It looks quite fetching. While you’re looking at yourself the lift clanks into gear and slowly begins its ascent. Seconds later the doors open and you step out onto the landing. Turn to [[80]].

**80** The corridor appears to run the entire length of the building, as far as you can tell. At the very far end there is a fire escape. There are a number of closed doors on the right hand wall of the corridor, while on the left hand side of the corridor there are two open doors. If you want to try the first open door on the left, turn to [[158]]. If you want to try the second open door on the left, turn to [[120]]. If you want to try the first closed door on the right, turn to [[142]]. If you want to try the second closed door on the right, turn to [[85]]. If you want to try the third closed door on the right, turn to [[146]]. If you want to exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[67]].

**182** You slap your hand against the wall to try and locate the control panel, but it seems to have gone missing. You slide your hand across the cold metal surface in big sweeping arcs, determined to not leave any gap in your search, but still fail to locate it. If you want to take a step forward and see if it is just slightly further away than you realised it could be, turn to [[197]]. If you want to start punching and kicking the walls in a fury, turn to [[168]]. If you want to sit down in the dark and weep, turn to [[86]].

**86** You sit down in the dark and weep so long and so completely you feel like you’ve got flu. After a while you raise your head from your hands and notice through the blear that the lift door has opened. You don’t know what floor you are on or even largely where you are, but you get up and shuffle out into the light. Turn to [[80]].

**197** You step forward in the dark and smash your face into the door of the lift. *Deduct 1 point from your Spatial-Awareness*. Turn to [[106]].

**168** You punch and kick at the walls in an indiscriminate rage. Eventually, one of your blows hits the spot. The lights flicker back into life, and the lift jerks into motion, quickly taking you to the first floor landing. The doors open and you step out into the corridor. Turn to [[80]].

**106** Still reeling from the heavy blow your face took from your collision with the door, you stumble backwards, banging your head into the mirror at the back of the lift and causing it to smash. *Deduct 1 point from your overall Skull Strength*. You sway forward, trying to keep your balance, listening in the dark to the tinkling noise of the glass falling interminably out of the frame like a waterfall onto the floor of the lift. If you decide to try standing very still in the dark so you don’t accidentally stand on the glass that you can’t even see, turn to [[159]]. If you try to locate the control panel by carefully taking a step forward with your hands out in front of you this time so you can feel exactly where you are in the small cubicle, turn to [[190]].

**159** You stand on the spot, barely even breathing so that you don’t wobble or fall. You can feel blood trickling down the back of your head, or at least it feels like you can feel blood trickling down the back of your head. Do you rub the back of your head with your hand to see if it really is blood, or at least something wet and not just your imagination ([[48]])? Or do you try and ignore the irritation and continue standing there in the dark not moving at all ([[31]])?

**190** If you are only wearing one shoe, turn to [[167]]. If however you are still wearing both your shoes, turn to [[94]].

**48** As you move your hand to stroke the back of your head to check it for blood you feel yourself losing your balance. You wheel your arms around in the air, trying desperately to right yourself, but you fail and fall forward. Suddenly the lift door opens and you tumble out harmlessly into the corridor. You pick yourself up and look around. You are still on the ground floor. Your possibly bleeding head forgotten, you take the stairs. Turn to [[181]].

**31** You resist the temptation to move your arms, instead maintaining your perfect form in the dark. You can feel drops of blood trickling down your neck, running down your back before being soaked up into your clothes. You ignore them. Eventually the lift doors open. Magically, you seem somehow to have reached the upstairs without feeling the lift move at all. You step out into the corridor. Turn to [[80]].

**167** You step forward and bring your bare foot down onto a fine mist of glass particles which slice into your foot like a hundred thousand cats claws. *Deduct 1 point from five different points totals*. You howl in pain, and in your panic fall forward into the door. You cling to it for dear life. Suddenly it opens and you fall out, back into the downstairs hall. You stand up and hop off towards the stairs. Turn to [[181]].

**94** You step forward. You can hear glass crunching under your shoe but it is not sharp enough or long enough to penetrate the sole of your shoe. This time you do not hit your head on the door. Instead your palm presses gently against it, and at the contact the lift lurches magically into life. Moments later the door rumbles open. The metal surface slides away smoothly under your palm, creating a pleasant tickling sensation which too quickly passes. You step out into the corridor, glad to escape. Turn to [[80]].

**29** You press the button again. The lift suddenly lurches and you lose your footing and fall backwards against the mirror, smashing your head on the glass so hard the mirror cracks, and falls down around you in huge shards. You put your hand to the back of your head and pull it back again and stare insensibly at the blood all over your fingers for a bit. *Add 1 Laceration point*. The doors open and you stumble out into the corridor, only to realise the lift hasn’t actually gone anywhere. You get out and take the stairs instead. Turn to [[181]].

**158** You find yourself in a narrow room that appears to be some sort of kitchen. There is a worktop running the length of the room down the right-hand wall. The worktop is clear except for a microwave that has been pushed into a corner. Underneath the worktop there is a fridge, and next to that a handful of stools. Do you want to examine the microwave ([[126]]) or the fridge ([[8]])?

**120** There is nothing in this room whatsoever. It is almost as if whoever made this building ran out of time or space and had nothing to fill it with. You go back outside into the corridor. If you want to try the first open door on the left, turn to [[158]]. If you want to try the first closed door on the right, turn to [[142]]. If you want to try the second closed door on the right, turn to [[85]]. If you want to try the third closed door on the right, turn to [[146]]. If you want to exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[67]].

**142** There is a nameplate on the door but you don’t recognise it. Trying the door handle reveals the room is locked in any case. Which door will you try next: If you want to try the first open door on the left, turn to [[158]]. If you want to try the second open door on the left, turn to [[120]]. If you want to try the second closed door on the right, turn to [[85]]. If you want to try the third closed door on the right, turn to [[146]]. If you want to exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[67]].

**85** The door is unmarked, and when you open it you find it is an electrical cupboard. It contains a plain grey box with a button on it. The box is humming slightly. There is also a big bank of fuses here. If you press the button on the grey box, turn to [[75]]. If you want to try fiddling with some of the fuses, turn to [[82]]. If you don’t dare touch anything in the cupboard you can close the door and try one of the other doors instead. If you want to try the first open door on the left, turn to [[158]]. If you want to try the second open door on the left, turn to [[120]]. If you want to try the first closed door on the right, turn to [[142]]. If you want to try the third closed door on the right, turn to [[146]]. If you want to exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[67]].

**146** There is a nameplate on the door, on which is written your nan’s name. If you want to open the door and see if she is inside, turn to [[81]]. If you are bit apprehensive about what you might find inside you can instead leave the building via the fire escape and try and put this awful afternoon behind you ([[95]]).

**67** You walk down the corridor towards the fire exit. As you pass the final door on your right you notice that the nameplate on it has your nan’s name printed on it. If you decide to enter her room, turn to [[81]]. If however you ignore it and just leave this awful building behind you, turn to [[95]].

**81** The room is bare and empty. There is a stripped bed pulled out slightly from the far wall. An old deodorant can is lying forlornly on the floor in the centre of the room. A curtain-less window looks out over an empty yard. A knocked over bedside cabinet lies on its back on the floor like a dead beetle. There is no sign of your nan. If you want to examine the bedside cabinet, turn to [[98]]. If you want to pick up the deodorant bottle and stand it on the window ledge so the room doesn’t look such a mess, turn to [[101]]. If you want to leave the room and exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[95]].

**95** You push open the fire exit door and make your way outside, clattering down the metal steps two at a time. You are glad to be out of there, even if you are slightly confused as to where you nan is or has gone. Across the yard that you have found yourself in you notice a building. You make your way towards it. Turn to page [[200]].

**126** The microwave is plugged into the wall, and the display indicates that it is working. If you want to look in the fridge for something to put in the microwave, turn to [[8]]. If you want to turn the microwave on right now even if nothing is in it, turn to [[102]].

**8** It is dark inside the fridge, and warm too. Either it isn’t plugged in or the motor has died at some point. All that is in there is a coconut. If you want to take the coconut out and examine it, turn to [[164]]. If you would rather close the fridge and leave the coconut alone, you can either examine the microwave ([[126]]) or go back out into the corridor and try one of the other doors: If you want to try the second open door on the left, turn to [[120]]. If you want to try the first closed door on the right, turn to [[142]]. If you want to try the second closed door on the right, turn to [[85]]. If you want to try the third closed door on the right, turn to [[146]]. If you want to exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[67]].

**102** You press the minute button a few times until it reaches ten and then press the start button. The light comes on and the glass plate inside starts to rotate. Nothing much else seems to be happening. Do you stop the microwave and then look in the fridge for something to put in there ([[8]]) or do you let the microwave run and run ([[161]])?

**161** The turning of the plate in the microwave is mildly hypnotic. You stare at it, letting the combination of the plate’s oscillations and the gentle whirr of the microwave’s rotation engine sending you into a trance like state of absolute calm. You pull one of the stools out from underneath the worktop and sit in front of the microwave’s window, staring inside with your wide wonder-filled eyes. Suddenly, the plate inside the microwave starts vibrating, and then it cracks. Then the microwave explodes. You fall backwards off of your chair, landing on your back on the floor. Miraculously, the shrapnel fired out by the explosion misses you entirely, but the fall still knocks the wind out of your lungs. *Deduct 1 Breath point*. By the time you pull yourself to your feet the room is already completely on fire, and the flames are steadily creeping around the doorway and into the corridor. You run out through them in a panic and make for the fire exit. Turn to [[14]].

**164** You hold the coconut up in front of you and admire its hairy beauty. It reminds you a bit of a neanderthalic egg, inappropriately hirsute and cragged. If you would like to see if it would explode in the microwave, like a real egg, turn to [[83]]. If you want to save it for later by trying to carry it off by putting it under your t-shirt and then tucking your t-shirt into your jeans so that it won’t fall out, turn to [[163]].

**83** You place the coconut in the microwave and then close the door, trapping it inside. You turn it on and the coconut begins to rotate. You watch it, occasionally glancing at the timer on the side of the microwave as it counts down from five minutes to zero. After one minute there is no visible change in the coconut. After two minutes the hairs on the coconut’s flanks have begun to shrivel up and smolder slightly. After three minutes the coconut is almost completely smooth, although it is becoming harder to see as the microwave has begun to fill up with smoke. After four minutes the coconut is pulsating in an incredibly eerie fashion and has begun to glow. After five minutes, just as the microwave’s bell rings, the coconut explodes. Shards of red-hot coconut hide burst through the glass front of the microwave and across the room, just missing your face but embedding themselves into the chipboard walls, which subsequently burst into flames. The shards are followed out of the microwave by some wisps of smoke and an invisible cloud of coconut milk steam that tries to scald your face even while it revitalises your hair with its aromatic sensual moisture. Finally, the microwave crashes to the floor, landing painfully on top of your foot. *Add 1 Bruise*. Frankly terrified by the destruction your experiment has wrought, you run from the room and try to make your way to the fire exit before the flames you’ve unleashed manage to. Turn to [[14]].

**163** You push the coconut up your t-shirt. It tickles slightly against your skin, causing your stomach muscles to involuntarily spasm. This is enough to cause the coconut to fall out and onto the floor. You kick at it in frustration. The coconut somehow flies across the room and crashes into the microwave, smashing the glass front and simultaneously causing it to switch on. You rush over and try to turn the microwave off but the buttons don’t work. You look for a plug but you can’t see one. It appears to be hidden underneath the worktop, and probably behind the fridge. Just as you begin to ponder whether to start fumbling around in the dark down there, the microwave explodes. A small shard of glass slices a cut across one of your cheeks, but otherwise you are unharmed. *Add 1 Scar*. More seriously, the entire room is now on fire. You run out into the corridor and make your way to the fire exit, the flames following behind you. Turn to [[14]].

**14** You reach the fire exit. You push down on the bar to open it and shoulder it wide, looking down and out over the yard below. As you glance back over your shoulder at the fire raging behind you, you notice that the nameplate on the closed door to your right has your nan’s name on it. Do you open try to open her door ([[105]]), or do you continue out of the exit to safety ([[184]])?

**105** The room is bare and empty. There is a stripped bed pulled out slightly from the far wall. An old deodorant can is lying forlornly on the floor in the centre of the room. A curtain-less window looks out over an empty yard. A knocked over bedside cabinet lies on its back on the floor like a dead beetle. There is no sign of your nan. If you want to examine the bedside cabinet, turn to [[127]]. If you want to pick up the deodorant bottle and stand it on the window ledge so the room doesn’t look such a mess, turn to [[58]]. If you want to leave the room and exit the building via the fire escape before you burn to death, turn to [[22]].

**184** You run out of the building, clattering down the metal steps of the fire escape into the yard below. You stop at the bottom to catch your breath. A glance back up reveals smoke curling lazily out of the door above and into the grey sky. You hurry forward, frightened and slightly exhilarated. You've never set a building on fire before. Across the way there is another building, similar to the one you’ve just escaped from, and you make your way towards it. Turn to [[200]].

**75** You press the grey button. Absolutely everything explodes. You are thrown back across the corridor, hitting the wall with such force that you are knocked face first into the floor. You feel your nose crack against the carpet. *Deduct 1 Nose from your Features List*. You pull yourself to your feet, one hand cupped under your nose to catch the blood that is flowing out from the wreckage of your face. Do you concentrate on the blood pooling in your hand ([[17]]) or do you look up at your surroundings ([[44]])?

**82** You flick the fuse switches up and down at random but nothing seems to happen at all. The lights in the corridor at least are completely unaffected. Do you want to press the grey button ([[75]])? Or perhaps try one of the other rooms, if you haven’t already done so: If you want to try the first open door on the left, turn to [[158]]. If you want to try the second open door on the left, turn to [[120]]. If you want to try the first closed door on the right, turn to [[142]]. If you want to try the third closed door on the right, turn to [[146]]. If you want to exit the building via the fire escape, turn to [[67]].

**17** The blood spatters into the cup of your hand, initially running in rivers along the folds in your skin until there is so much of it the contours of your flesh are submerged under its rising tide. The flow of blood from your nose slowly stops, and you successfully catch the last few drops of it in what is by now a deep and satisfying lake held in your oversized palm. You haven’t wasted a single cell of it. What will you do with the blood? If you turn your hand over and let it spill to the floor, turn to [[27]]. If you instead drink the blood, turn to [[166]].

**44** Somehow the explosion in the electrical cupboard has caused the corridor in front of you to burst into flames. The fire is spreading along the walls in both directions. Great clouds of smoke are beginning to form near the ceiling. You look down the corridor and can just about see the fire exit at the far end. You stumble towards it, blood rolling down your face and dripping from the end of your chin. Turn to [[14]].

**27** The blood slips from your hand and tumbles to the floor in slow motion and silence. Everything turns black and white. It is beautiful. Suddenly a coughing fit explodes in your lungs and the shock of it reminds you that the corridor is on fire and smoke is slowly filling the air. You wipe the last remnants of the blood from your palm onto your trousers and hurry down the corridor towards the fire exit. Turn to [[14]].

**166** The blood is thick and warm and surprisingly refreshing. You drink it hungrily down. *Add 2 to your Stamina*. You look up, absentmindedly rubbing the bloody filth from the palm of your hand across your jumper as you do so, and slowly remember that the corridor is on fire and the air is slowly being replaced by smoke. Possibly because of your blood-lined throat, the smoke does not affect you, and you make your way cough-free towards the fire exit. Turn to [[14]].

**98** The bedside cabinet is made out of wood and painted white. It has a hinged door, which can be opened by pulling on its small metal doorknob. If you open the door, turn to [[50]]. If you want to leave the cupboard closed and hurry out of the room and then also the building, turn to [[95]].

**101** If you have examined the bedside cabinet, turn to [[40]]. If you haven’t, turn to [[68]].

**127** The bedside cabinet is made out of wood and painted white. It has a hinged-door, which can be opened by pulling on its small metal doorknob. If you open the door, turn to [[185]]. If you want to leave the cupboard closed and hurry out of the room and then also the building, turn to [[22]].

**58** You bend down and pick the deodorant canister up. You cannot bear to see things strewn on the floor, even in an abandoned room such as this. You set it down on the window ledge, pushing it to the back and the side so that it is as far away in the corner as it possibly can be. If you now want to examine the bedside cupboard, turn to [[127]]. If you want to leave the room, turn to [[22]].

**22** You leave your nan’s empty room behind you and go back into the corridor. The fire is raging terribly towards you. You look back at the flames in astonishment. As you do a burning ember lands on your eyebrow, setting it on fire. You howl in pain, slapping at the flames with your hand. You put it out, but you face is slightly burned. *Deduct 1 Facial Hair point*. No longer on fire, you exit the building, this time without looking back at the flames. Turn to [[184]].

**40** If you drank all the water in the bedside cabinet, turn to [[77]]. If you did not, turn to [[15]].

**68** You pick up the deodorant canister and place it on the window ledge. A warning on the side of the can says “Do not place in direct sunlight”, but fortunately it is still grey and cloudy outside. If you would like to examine the bedside cabinet, turn to [[99]]. If you would like to exit the room and leave the building via the fire escape, turn to [[162]].

**50** You pull the doorknob up towards you, opening the door upwards into the air. The cupboard is full of water. You aren’t sure how, or why, but it is. If you put your hand into the water and scoop up a mouthful and then drink the mouthful, turn to [[28]]. If you kneel down and push your face slowly into the water, turn to [[33]]. And if you want to leave the water alone completely you can either pick up the deodorant can and place it on the window ledge in a probably futile attempt at tidying up ([[101]]), or you can leave the room and exit the building via the fire escape ([[95]]).

**28** You scoop up a mouthful of water with your hand. You look at it for a moment, then open your mouth wide and pour the entire handful inside. It is all warm and horrible and makes you feel thirstier than you did before. If you want to drink another handful of the water, turn to [[122]]. If you want to push your face into the water, turn to [[33]].

**33** You close your eyes and push your face into the water. The cold blast of it against your cheeks is startling, and the jolt causes you to open your eyes. In the watery depths below you shadows form flickering shapes that seem to twist and pulse around you, almost as if the water is alive. You scream, swallowing water as you do so, causing you to splutter and cough. You pull your head out of the water, kicking the bedside cupboard away from you as you convulse and choke. You can’t breathe and you wonder if you are going to die. Turn to [[51]].

**51** You do die. Turn to [[143]].

**122** You scoop out another handful of water and fill your mouth with it. It is still warm and unrefreshing. However, you can’t help but drink another handful of it once you’ve finished. And then another. Pretty soon it is all gone, and you feel all swollen and sated. You stand up, and look around the room. If you pick up the deodorant canister and place it on the window ledge, turn to [[101]]. If you want to leave the building entirely now you’ve searched almost the entire building without success, turn to [[95]].

**143** You are dead. It is strange. Above you everything is white. You feel wet. Death does not seem to be quite so voidful and nothinged as you had always thought it probably would be. Turn to [[59]].

**59** Eventually you realise you are probably still alive. This would explain why you are lying on the floor in an empty room in an abandoned old people’s home with your foot stuck in a bedside cabinet. *Add 7 points to your Ennui*. You shake the bedside cabinet off and stand up. If you want to pick up the deodorant can that is still lurking in the middle of the floor, turn to [[101]]. If however you just want to leave the room and the building as quickly as possible, turn to [[95]].

**99** Turn to [[162]].

**162** As you turn around the sun comes out. You swivel round just in time to see its rays hit the deodorant can. It explodes. A huge fireball bursts out across the room, somehow managing to set the floor, ceiling and walls all on fire simultaneously. You however remain completely unscathed. Knowing there is nothing you can do to halt the spread of the fire, you turn and leave the room, heading for the fire escape. Turn to [[123]].

**123** You push open the fire escape and clamber down its metal steps to safety. At the bottom you look back up at the building. Smoke is seeping out from around the fire door, making you feel disgusted at its shoddy workmanship. You are glad your nan wasn’t anywhere to be found now, knowing what a deathtrap the entire home must have been. You turn and walk off across the yard. You notice a building in the distance and make your way towards it, hopeful that they have a telephone for you to report the fire you’ve just caused. Turn to [[200]].

**77** You pick up the deodorant and walk over towards the window. It is sunny outside now, finally, for the first time all day. You reach out and put the can down on the window ledge, absentmindedly reading the warning on its side. “Do not place in direct sunlight,” you mouth to yourself, your brain not really comprehending the words until it is too late. Panicking you try to pull your hand back but it has already crossed into the sun’s powerful rays. It explodes spectacularly, throwing fire everywhere, and flesh too, as it obliterates your hand. *Deduct 1 Limb*. There is nothing you can do about the fire, so you hurriedly exit the room and make for the fire escape, cradling the bloody stump of your arm against your belly. Turn to [[123]].

**15** If you stuck your head in the bedside cabinet and then later kicked it over in a bit of a panic, turn to [[5]]. If you did not, turn to [[23]].

**5** You pick up the deodorant and place it on the window ledge. You catch a glimpse of a warning on the side of the can. “Do not place in direct sunlight,” you read. “Not bloody likely”, you snort derisively, looking outside at the world of gloom you live in. Then the sun comes out and one of its powerful rays pushes its way through the glass of the window and collides directly with the deodorant canister. It explodes, throwing fire and shards of metal around itself in a huge and impressive sphere which just avoids burning most of your face off. It does however cause most of the room to catch fire. *Add 1 to your Hubris*. You turn and flee the room and head towards the fire exit. Turn to [[123]].

**23** You pick up the deodorant canister and start to read the text printed on the side. Among the warnings, such as “Do not place in direct sunlight” and “Do not consume orally” there is a list of ingredients that reads “Contains: animal fats (25%)” followed by a long list of gases and other incomprehensible items. If you want to continue over to the window ledge and put the deodorant down there where it will be out of the way, turn to [[45]]. If you want to spray some of the deodorant into your mouth, in direct contravention of the warning on the canister, turn to [[78]]. If you want to go and stand by the window and then spray some of the deodorant into mouth, turn to [[34]].

**45** You put the deodorant down on the window ledge just as the sun comes out outside. Its rays, focused through the strangely warped windows into an almost supernaturally powerful beam of light, strike the canister, causing it to explode. Flames leap out across the room, setting the walls, ceilings and part of the carpet on fire. The surface of the window ledge appears to be boiling, huge terrifying bubbles of something growing and bursting with an incessant hiss. You stagger back from the blast, unharmed but shocked. Do you try putting the fire out with the water in the bedside cabinet ([[24]]) or do you just flee the room completely and make for the fire exit ([[123]])?

**78** You swivel the head of the deodorant round so it is facing into your mouth, and then spray it in. It tastes quite nice, although it is probably slightly too chemical-ish for you to drink much of. You slip the bottle of deodorant into your pocket for later and leave the room and also the building via the fire escape. Turn to [[95]].

**34** You go and stand by the window and open your mouth wide. You hold the can of deodorant in front of your face and press down on the nozzle. At the exact same moment, the sun comes out. It shines through the window, striking the canister and causing it explode. The spray that is leaving the canister ignites as it does so, firing a cloud of burning animal fat product directly down your throat. You can feel the inside of your mouth being eaten away. *Deduct 1 tongue*. Turn to [[100]].

**24** You pick the bedside cabinet up and hurl it, open door first, towards the burning window ledge. As the water strikes the boiling mass of 25% animal fat product it causes a second, even more violent, explosion. This time you aren’t so lucky, however, and the full force of it strikes your face. You can feel the skin being burnt from your skull, the blood below bubbling away into some new form of iron-filled steam. *Deduct 1 Face*. Turn to [[69]].

**69** Overcome with pain, you stumble blankly around the room, holding your hands near to your head but not quite daring to bring them into contact with the flowing wax of your face. Then, one of your eyes bursts. *Deduct 50% from Vision, and 100% from your Good Looks*. Howling you run from the room, clattering into the fire escape door as you do so. Turn to [[60]].

**60** The fire escape door swings open as you crash into it, and you fall outside. For a second it looks like you’re going to tumble all the way down the stairs, but you manage to regain your balance at the very last moment. *Add 1 to your Luck*. Turn to [[144]].

**144** A startled pigeon collides with you, knocking you sideways over the edge of the railings, directly onto the concrete below. You tumble over in the air, and land on your left leg, which is crushed underneath you, the bones being forced up and through your pelvis, emerging in a tangle from just to the left of your belly button. *Deduct 187 Stammina Points. Also, remove 4 Bones from your Skeleton*. Then turn to [[177]].

**177** The bones protruding from your stomach look like a strange withered limb, clad in rags of tattered flesh. You try not to look at it. Miraculously your right leg is fine. You pull yourself up off the ground and hop away from the burning building behind you. You catch sight of another building across the yard in front of you and force yourself towards it. Turn to [[200]].

**100** The burning lava of the deodorant slips further down your gullet, burning away as much flesh as it can come into contact with. You look down at your chest, and can see smoke rising from your clothes as the mixture burns through your ribcage. *Deduct most of your Chest*. Turn to [[124]].

**124** Finally, the flames you threw down your throat reach your stomach. As they come into contact with your digestive acids they cause an explosive chemical reaction, similar in power to that time you stole a large chunk of potassium from the school chemistry labs and threw it in the river. Large chunks of your abdomen are blasted across the room, and then blood and other fluids flow out of the hole they’ve left behind like water through a burst damn. *Deduct 153 stamina points, as well as most of your Digestive System*. Turn to [[187]].

**187** You somehow manage to exit the room despite having to hold your intestines in place with both hands. In the corridor you shuffle towards the fire escape and kick open the door. Turn to [[41]].

**41** Your foot manages to get stuck between the pushbar and the door. As the door swings open its immense weight drags you with it, spinning you round and then flinging you out over the fire escape and into the yard below, your foot having somehow come free at exactly the worst moment. Turn to [[145]].

**145** As you fly through the air, your melted face and destroyed stomach spraying blood around you in an arc, you briefly wonder where you nan has gone. You hope she is alright, wherever she is. Turn to [[125]].

**125** You crash mouth first into the concrete. All your teeth are smashed out of their sockets with such force you can feel them become embedded in the last remnants of flesh at the back of your throat. *Deduct 28 Teeth (or 32 if you still had your wisdom teeth)*. Turn to [[79]].

**79** You roll over onto your back and look up at the sky. A crow circles down towards you and lands by the side of your head. It looks at you for a second, before thrusting its beak at you and pecking out your eye. Eventually, your screams frighten it away. *Deduct 50% from Vision*. Turn to [[46]].

**46** Over time, your screams subside down to mere sobs. You decide to lay where you are for a bit longer. Turn to [[70]].

**70** The crow comes back. You swing your arm at it with as much force as you can muster. It hops out of the way, and your fist crashes down onto a nail that is poking upwards, driving it through the back of your hand and out of your palm. *Deduct 4 from Handwriting*. Turn to [[35]].

**35** The crow then has a little peck at your cheek, teasing its beak through a small acidhole into your mouth. It pulls the remnants of your tongue out through the hole, peels off a small strip of it, and then flies away into the sky. Turn to [[25]].

**25** Eventually you rise to your feet. You can walk, incredibly, and you shamble off towards a building you can see in the distance, your tongue flapping out of the side of your face in the breeze. Turn to [[200]].

**185** You pull the doorknob up towards you, opening the door upwards into the air. The cupboard is full of water. You aren’t sure how, or why, but it is. If you put your hand into the water and scoop up a mouthful and then drink the mouthful, turn to [[96]]. If you kneel down and push your face slowly into the water, turn to [[165]]. If you want to use the water to try and put out the fire in the corridor, turn to [[84]].

**96** You scoop up a mouthful of water with your hand. You look at it for a moment, then open your mouth wide and pour the entire handful inside. It is all warm and horrible and makes you feel thirstier than you did before. If you want to drink another handful of the water, turn to [[32]]. If you want to push your face into the water, turn to [[165]]. If you want to use the water to try and put out the fire in the corridor, turn to [[84]].

**165** You close your eyes and push your face into the water. The blast of it against your cheeks is startling, and the jolt causes you to open your eyes. In the watery depths below you shadows form flickering shapes that seem to twist and pulse around you, almost as if the water is alive. You scream, swallowing water as you do so, causing you to splutter and cough. You pull your head out of the water, kicking the bedside cupboard away from you as you convulse and choke. You can’t breathe and you wonder if you are going to die. Turn to [[49]].

**84** You pick the bedside cabinet up and wobble your way awkwardly to the door with it cradled in your arms. Since you entered the room the door has swung shut behind you however. If you put the bedside cabinet carefully down so you can open the door easily, turn to [[104]]. If you want to try opening the door without putting the cabinet down so as to save yourself some precious seconds, turn to [[160]].

**49** You don’t die. Instead you cough up a tiny mouthful of water. You are fine. You stand up and hurry out into the corridor. Turn to [[22]].

**104** You put the bedside cabinet down and then open the door with one of your hands. The heat from the corridor hits you like a furnace blast. You hold the door open with your foot, and then bend down to pick the cabinet up. You then step out into the corridor. The fire is huge, incomprehensible. Embers float in the air, tumbling across unseen eddies of air like boats in a storm. Small sparks of fire spit their way out of the inferno towards your face. Great rents have been torn in the ceiling as if by the claws of a terrible beast. If you try to contain this spectacle of nature and power by throwing your cupboardful of water onto it, turn to [[186]]. If instead you drop the cupboard and hurry out of the fire escape, turn to [[184]].

**160** You try to grasp the door handle with your fingers but it is just out of reach. You try again, stretching them down as far as you can, hoping that they will unfurl like an elephant’s trunk unexpectedly, but they don’t. If you want to put the cabinet down and open the door sensibly, turn to [[104]]. If you just hurl the cabinet back onto the floor where you found it and stomp out of the room without it turn to [[97]].

**186** You hurl the water at the flames. It turns to steam almost before it has left your hands. It rushes up into your face. You can feel the skin of your cheeks bubbling like cheap fat. *Deduct both Cheeks* and turn to [[103]].

**103** As your face begins to melt you begin to scream. You scream so loudly and so shrilly and for so long you can feel your left lung burst in your chest like a cheap balloon being stamped on by your older brother when you were a child and you really loved that balloon it was beautiful it was all you had and now there’s nothing left of it but a few tattered rags of plastic lying on the carpet. *Deduct 1 Lung while adding 3 to your Angst*. Breathless, the scream dies almost instantly. You turn and flail at the fire door with your hands and it opens and you fall out into the day. Turn to [[191]].

**191** You run out onto the fire escape and trip. You clatter painfully down the metal steps, head over heals. Halfway down, you smash heavily into the railings where the stairs turn, and one of your ribs cracks so loudly it sounds like a gunshot. *Deduct 3 Stamina points*. Turn to [[76]].

**76** You try to use the collision as a break, thrusting out your left arm and grabbing onto the railings as you bounce off them and towards the lower half of the stairs. Unfortunately your momentum is too great and as you are pulled down by gravity’s relentless ministrations your left shoulder is pulled painfully from its socket. You hand spasms open and you begin to fall again. *Deduct 6 stamina points*. Turn to [[42]].

**42** You tumble down the last few steps. You can see the ground rushing towards you and at the last second you put out your right hand to try and break your fall. Your wrist snaps underneath you, the bones jutting horrifically out of your skin like broken pipes. Your hand hangs limply at a right angle from the arm, dangling by a few tatters of skin and a ligament or two. *Deduct 99 stamina points*. Turn to [[61]].

**61** Using superhuman reserves of strength that you never knew you possessed, you slowly stand up. Absolutely everything hurts and bleeds. You look up at the sky. Above you a crow circles. It drops something and you watch it fall. The wind catches it, swirls it around this way and then that, before finally it is caught one last time and it lands directly in your eye. It is at this point you realise what it is that it “dropped”. You can feel it begin to run along your lower eye lid before it overflows down your cheek like a tear. *Add 2 points to your Humiliation*. Turn to [[121]].

**121** You shamble away from the building behind you, fearful that it might vomit forth flames and debris that might finish you off. Across the concrete yard you are in you notice a building in the distance. You decided to make your way towards it. Turn to [[200]].

**97** You turn and sling the bedside cabinet behind you. You throw it with such force that it crashes through the window and out into the empty yard below. You hear it explode on the concrete, the water inside it making an elaborate splashing noise as it does so, before being drowned out by the clatter of the falling glass that follows it. Shamefaced at your incompetence you turn and leave the room. Turn to [[22]].

**32** You scoop out another handful of water and fill your mouth with it. It is still warm and unrefreshing. However, you can’t help but drink another handful of it once you’ve finished. And then another. Pretty soon it is all gone, and you feel all swollen and sated. You turn and pad your way out into the corridor. Turn to [[22]].

**128** You press the button again and still nothing happens at all. God you hate lifts. What now: Press the button marked 1 ([[170]])? Press the button marked G ([[52]])? Press the button marked <|> ([[39]])? Look in the mirror ([[147]])?

**7** On your way out of the room, you glance out of the window and catch a glimpse of a crow flying away somewhere, which is quite exciting. It doesn’t come back. Turn to [[118]]