{"id":5467,"date":"2023-11-27T20:22:44","date_gmt":"2023-11-27T20:22:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/?p=5467"},"modified":"2023-11-27T20:22:44","modified_gmt":"2023-11-27T20:22:44","slug":"doctor-who-and-the-nature-of-fear-series-34-episode-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/2023\/11\/27\/doctor-who-and-the-nature-of-fear-series-34-episode-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Doctor Who And The Nature Of Fear (Series 34 Episode 4)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Clara is in her flat. She goes into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. Suddenly Doctor Who pops out from behind the shower curtain<\/em><\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> Clara, are you alone?<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> I was!<\/em><\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> And yet look\u2026<\/p>\n

Doctor Who points at the bathroom door.<\/em><\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> It\u2019s\u2026 a door?<\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> And? And?<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> And\u2026 What, exactly, am I supposed to be looking at, Doctor?<\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> If someone believes they\u2019re truly alone in the house, why would they lock the bathroom door behind them.<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> Habit?<\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> What if they don\u2019t believe they\u2019re truly alone at all?<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> No, I\u2019m definitely sure it\u2019s just out of habit.<\/p>\n

Cut to: <\/strong>Doctor Who and Clara are in the TARDIS control room. Doctor Who is pressing buttons and pulling levers on the control panel.<\/em><\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> What\u2019s the first thing you see when you sit down on the toilet? The door! And what do doors do? They open! And when are we at our most vulnerable? When we\u2019re on the toilet. Now imagine if outside every bathroom door there is a monster that wants to eat you. If you didn\u2019t lock that door, it\u2019d kick it open and catch you with your trousers down and you\u2019d have no chance to fight back.<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why we lock the bathroom door? Because they\u2019re are monsters in our house that only come out when no-one else is around and you\u2019re sitting on the toilet on your own?<\/p>\n

Doctor Who: <\/strong>Exactly.<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> Doctor, do you think that maybe you\u2019re the monster? I mean, it was you that appeared in my bathroom.<\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> Don\u2019t be absurd. It\u2019s the most common fear in the world, imagining someone bursting in on you while you\u2019re sat there. It\u2019s terrifying.<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> Anyway, Doctor, can you stop somewhere right now because I really really need the toilet.<\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> We can\u2019t stop now. I don\u2019t know where we are.<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> I really don\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

Clara reaches across the control panel and pulls on a swanee whistle, causing the TARDIS to dematerialise instantly.<\/em><\/p>\n

Doctor Who:<\/strong> Clara what have you done? That\u2019s the emergency toilet stop. We could be near any public convenience in the entire universe.<\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> Sorry, Doctor. I\u2019ll just be a mo.<\/p>\n

Clara runs out of the TARDIS into a row of shabby looking toilet cubicles. She kicks the nearest one open. It flies open, hitting a schoolboy who was sat there on the head and knocking him out. As he slumps back he drops a marker pen on the floor.<\/em><\/p>\n

Clara:<\/strong> Oh my, I\u2019m so sorry.<\/p>\n

Clara moves to the next cubicle, finds it empty, and shuts the door.<\/em><\/p>\n

The camera switches to a viewpoint just behind the slumped form of the boy. As the toilet in the next cubicle flushes he begins to wake. We hear the TARDIS huff its way back into space, and as the boy leaves the door swings back shut and we see that the graffiti he was writing on the wall says:<\/em><\/p>\n

WHO WOZ ERE
\nERE WHO WOZ
\nWOZ WHO ERE?
\nYES WHO WOZ<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then we see a sign saying GALLIFREY SCHOOL FOR BOYS above the exit. Also we see that the marker pen was actually a sonic screwdriver. And then text whooshes in to the screen saying THE BOY WAS DOCTOR WHO, followed almost instantly by NEXT WEEK and a picture of a Dalek emerging from a toilet cubicle.\f<\/em><\/p>\n

__________<\/p>\n

Notes:<\/p>\n

1. I wrote this in 2014<\/em>
\n2. Presumably after watching this episode<\/a> of Doctor Who.<\/em>
\n3. Very old satire is the best kind of satire.<\/em>
\n4. Anyway, I dont know why this wasn’t already on here but it is now.<\/em><\/p>\n__________<\/br>

Support An Accumulation Of Things<\/a><\/h3>If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon<\/a> or my ko-fi<\/a>. <\/br><\/br>Patreon subscribers<\/a> get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.<\/br><\/br>(Ko-fi contributors<\/a> probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). <\/br><\/br>Thank you!<\/i><\/br><\/br>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Clara is in her flat. She goes into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. Suddenly Doctor Who pops out from behind the shower curtain Doctor Who: Clara, are you alone? Clara: I was! Doctor Who: And yet look\u2026 Doctor Who points at the bathroom door. Clara: It\u2019s\u2026 a door? Doctor Who: And? And? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[224,424,627],"class_list":["post-5467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-a-short-story-or-two","tag-doctor-who","tag-essex-terror","tag-scripts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5467"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5467\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5468,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5467\/revisions\/5468"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}