{"id":3006,"date":"2020-09-03T11:58:38","date_gmt":"2020-09-03T11:58:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/?p=3006"},"modified":"2020-09-03T11:58:38","modified_gmt":"2020-09-03T11:58:38","slug":"thirty-famous-views-of-essex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/2020\/09\/03\/thirty-famous-views-of-essex\/","title":{"rendered":"Thirty Famous Views Of Essex"},"content":{"rendered":"

1.<\/strong> An image of a man eating a raw egg, a sidelong glance and a half suppresed smile at the camera as raw albumen runs down his chin.<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> Bin bag sliced open like a belly, an intestinal trail of even more bin bags unwinding out from within.<\/p>\n

3.<\/strong> Close up shot of an NHS rainbow aped to a window, all the colours running together after three solid months of rain.<\/p>\n

4.<\/strong> Four women in a car with no wheels in the middle of a playing field, all drinking cider straight from the biggest bottle in the supermarket<\/p>\n

5.<\/strong> A child wearing a Manchester United kit with the name of a player who left at least three years ago on the back.<\/p>\n

6.<\/strong> Seventeen men bellowing into the night, each one convinced all the others are wrong.<\/p>\n

7.<\/strong> Poignantly discarded face mask in oil streaked puddle.<\/p>\n

8.<\/strong> Boarded up boarding school.<\/p>\n

9.<\/strong> Fenced off boarded up boarding school.<\/p>\n

10.<\/strong> Several closed roads.<\/p>\n

11.<\/strong> High street horse trough filled with leaves, vomit, crisp packets, hint of piss.<\/p>\n

12.<\/strong> Inexplicably angry letter in the local paper about a pothole and\/or potholes.<\/p>\n

13.<\/strong> Inexplicably angry letter in the local paper about the prospect of tax rises.<\/p>\n

14<\/strong>. Inexplicably sanguine letter in the local paper about the unneccesary deaths of 60,000 people.<\/p>\n

15.<\/strong> Someone on their phone moaning about how everyone else is on their phone.<\/p>\n

16.<\/strong> Someone not on their phone wishing they had a phone so they could moan to someone somewhere about everyone else here being on their phones.<\/p>\n

17.<\/strong> A row of park benches all too uncomfortable for anyone to sit on.<\/p>\n

18.<\/strong> Inexplicably angry letter in the local paper about someone sitting on a park bench for too long or too loudly or with too many friends or maybe all three at once.<\/p>\n

19.<\/strong> Town map affixed to high street wall, where every single advertised business has been closed for at least a year.<\/p>\n

20.<\/strong> Pub with racist graffiti in the toilets.<\/p>\n

21.<\/strong> Pub with racist joke on the chalk board out the front.<\/p>\n

22.<\/strong> Pub that’s now being turned into flats.<\/p>\n

23.<\/strong> Pub that’s burnt down.<\/p>\n

24. <\/strong>Pub with faded plastic children’s slide that’s been blown over in the mud since at least April or maybe even March.<\/p>\n

25.<\/strong> Miniature pub that used to be a hairdressers.<\/p>\n

26.<\/strong> Florist of dead flowers.<\/p>\n

27.<\/strong> Graveyard with new field opening soon.<\/p>\n

28.<\/strong> River full of choking tears.<\/p>\n

29.<\/strong> Lifetime of self-silenced screams.<\/p>\n

30.<\/strong> END<\/p>\n

__________<\/p>\n

Notes:<\/p>\n

1. Written on September 2nd, 2020<\/em>
\n2. Title taken from One Hundred Famous Views Of Edo<\/a> by Hiroshige<\/em><\/p>\n__________<\/br>

Support An Accumulation Of Things<\/a><\/h3>If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon<\/a> or my ko-fi<\/a>. <\/br><\/br>Patreon subscribers<\/a> get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.<\/br><\/br>(Ko-fi contributors<\/a> probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). <\/br><\/br>Thank you!<\/i><\/br><\/br>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. An image of a man eating a raw egg, a sidelong glance and a half suppresed smile at the camera as raw albumen runs down his chin. 2. Bin bag sliced open like a belly, an intestinal trail of even more bin bags unwinding out from within. 3. Close up shot of an NHS […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[116],"tags":[940,57,119,120,941,566,415,845],"class_list":["post-3006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ephemera","tag-100-famous-views-of-edo","tag-despair","tag-ephemera","tag-essex","tag-hiroshige","tag-images","tag-lists","tag-satire"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3006","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3006"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3006\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3007,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3006\/revisions\/3007"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}