{"id":2438,"date":"2019-10-24T22:18:08","date_gmt":"2019-10-24T22:18:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/?p=2438"},"modified":"2023-08-23T13:16:31","modified_gmt":"2023-08-23T13:16:31","slug":"4-3-4-anxiety-suite","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/2019\/10\/24\/4-3-4-anxiety-suite\/","title":{"rendered":"4\/3\/4 (anxiety suite)"},"content":{"rendered":"

#105:<\/strong><\/p>\n

haven’t felt right
\nall morning
\nwoken from dream<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#106:<\/strong><\/p>\n

something is wrong
\nwith my heart
\nit aches, it aches<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#107:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i need to cry
\nbut i’m scared
\ni’ll never stop<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#108:<\/strong><\/p>\n

not suicide
\nbut instead
\ndeath by neglect<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#109:<\/strong><\/p>\n

all i dream of
\nis to once
\njust be happy<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#110:<\/strong><\/p>\n

anxiety
\nrenders me
\nincapable<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#111:<\/strong><\/p>\n

depressed depressed
\ndepressed de
\npressed depressed de<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#112:<\/strong><\/p>\n

wasted a week
\nplaying no
\nmans fucking sky<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#113:<\/strong><\/p>\n

yes i am a
\nfailure
\nof a human<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#114:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i have begun
\nto lose my
\nwhole fucking mind<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#115:<\/strong><\/p>\n

my self laid bare
\ncompetence
\nis beyond me<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#116:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i can’t keep my
\nheart beating
\nany longer<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#117:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i cannot bring
\nmyself to
\nbelieve you care<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#118:<\/strong><\/p>\n

yes i could do
\nanything
\nif i weren’t me<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#119:<\/strong><\/p>\n

a tiredness
\ncreeping in
\nneed something new<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#120:<\/strong><\/p>\n

my teeth all buzz
\nas if they’re
\nelectrified<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#121:<\/strong><\/p>\n

imprecision
\nof language
\na failing mind<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#122:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i cannot write
\nanything
\nlonger than this<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#123:<\/strong><\/p>\n

one two three four
\nfive six sev
\nen eight nine ten<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#124:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i would blame this
\non others
\nbut it’s all me<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#125:<\/strong><\/p>\n

the crows nested
\nin my heart
\nthe worms, my mind<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#126:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i like to sit
\nby the sea
\ndream of drowning<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#127:<\/strong><\/p>\n

a small comfort
\nin the dream
\nas if its real<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#128:<\/strong><\/p>\n

but then i wake
\nand somehow
\nits not the same<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#129:<\/strong><\/p>\n

please forgive me
\nfor my crimes
\ni’ve repented<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

#130:<\/strong><\/p>\n

i’m just not good
\nat any
\nthing at all<\/p>\n

__________<\/p>\n

Notes:<\/p>\n

1. Written in September and October, 2019<\/em>
\n2. Previous collections can be found here: #1<\/a>; #2<\/a>; #3<\/a>; #4<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n__________<\/br>

Support An Accumulation Of Things<\/a><\/h3>If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon<\/a> or my ko-fi<\/a>. <\/br><\/br>Patreon subscribers<\/a> get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.<\/br><\/br>(Ko-fi contributors<\/a> probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). <\/br><\/br>Thank you!<\/i><\/br><\/br>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

#105: haven’t felt right all morning woken from dream *** #106: something is wrong with my heart it aches, it aches *** #107: i need to cry but i’m scared i’ll never stop *** #108: not suicide but instead death by neglect *** #109: all i dream of is to once just be happy *** […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[116],"tags":[721,163,209,57,119,191,765],"class_list":["post-2438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ephemera","tag-4-3-4","tag-anxiety","tag-depression","tag-despair","tag-ephemera","tag-poems","tag-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2438"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5327,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2438\/revisions\/5327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}