![\"\"](\"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/simon.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nThe doctors tried to help him. They covered him in bandages one time, but they quickly became absolutely sodden and useless, and he had to be washed clean in the garden, his father hosing him down while the neighbours curiously peered over the fence.<\/p>\n
Next the doctors tried covering him completely in wax, leaving no hole or cut uncoated. They held him by the ankles and dipped him head first into a huge bubbling vat of the stuff and at first it appeared to work, until they noticed Simon\u2019s face slowly expanding and everyone had to frantically scrape the wax away before he burst like a birthday balloon.<\/p>\n
After that it was thought best to try a treatment of leeches, but they gorged themselves too quickly and exploded with a sound like gunshots. And so eventually the doctors tired of Simon and they let him go home.<\/p>\n
His parents covered the carpets in plastic, moved his bedroom to the cellar, and let him drip where he pleased.<\/p>\n
It was on the third night that they found him drowned in his bed. And yet his blood continued to flow even though he no longer lived.<\/p>\n
His mother began to cry. Poor Simon, she thought. But her husband was made of sterner and, ironically I suppose, in light of poor Simon\u2019s condition, more heartless stuff.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop your crying, my dear,\u201d he said. \u201cThis could turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to us.\u201d He wiped away her tears and leant in close and whispered his plan into her ears.<\/p>\n
Two weeks later they opened up a shop, the finest sausage house in the whole of the county. Their signature dish was their Black Pudding, and people came from miles and miles around just to try it.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome in, come in,\u201d Simon\u2019s father would say to the hordes gathering at the doors. \u201cAnd try the finest family-made food you will ever taste.\u201d<\/p>\n
Notes:<\/p>\n 1. Written on August 31st, 2006<\/em> Simon was a young boy, much like any other. The sort of child so bland and ineffectual, so devoid of inspiration or spirit, you can hardly even see that they\u2019re there. If he had not suffered from a rare affliction it is doubtful even his parents would have remembered his name. For you see, Simon […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[8,488,83,489,162],"class_list":["post-1467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-a-short-story-or-two","tag-blood","tag-childrens-stories","tag-horror","tag-hugh-paterson","tag-short-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1467"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1470,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467\/revisions\/1470"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/accumulationofthings.com\/things\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/a>
\n__________<\/p>\n
\n2. And illustrated by Hugh Paterson<\/em>
\n3. Around about the same time<\/em><\/p>\n__________<\/br>Support An Accumulation Of Things<\/a><\/h3>If you like the things you've read here please consider subscribing to my patreon<\/a> or my ko-fi<\/a>. <\/br><\/br>Patreon subscribers<\/a> get not just early access to content and also the occasional gift, but also my eternal gratitude. Which I'm not sure is very useful, but is certainly very real.<\/br><\/br>(Ko-fi contributors<\/a> probably only get the gratitude I'm afraid, but please get in touch if you want more). <\/br><\/br>Thank you!<\/i><\/br><\/br>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"